Melancholic Sunday and Therapeutic Walk

October 31, 2023

-Walt Disney

As much as I wanted to stay optimistic as I returned to work, I just couldn't. I still find it difficult to overcome this moving on stage, especially during solitude when all I think about is the recent incident in my life. I would question myself, "Am I okay?" I seem to be fine, but dark hours still hit my clock, and I become emotional in those moments.

I'll be fine. I know. Joy will come after the pain, just like how the sun reappears after the rain.

My first Sunday morning was spent recuperating in bed, then I opted to have a walk in the afternoon to take some fresher air and sunlight. I visited a restaurant located adjacent to the park, where I intended to go, and had my lunch. I left after eating my food, and drinking my papaya soup.

There are things that I missed, but there are things that changed as well. I could no longer feel the desire to travel far like I used to. At least for now. I know the desire will be back soon.

The truth is, each time I see places I wish to revisit with my parents, I just feel sad since my father can no longer see them. The park where I used to stay every Sunday is one of them. Emotions can't be controlled every time I remember my dreams for them and the places I wanted to show them. "Was I too late to plan them?" Only if I knew that he would leave us too soon. I should have planned earlier.

But then they said, "Things are meant to happen." I just questioned myself, "Was it?" It was certainly his own choice and nothing about fate.

There were a lot of travel plans that I made before I went back home, but I still don't know when I can get my feet back on the roads and trails. The thought of him just made me sad, and I lost the desire to pursue it. I thought it was inappropriate, and I still want to mourn.

At the park, there were groups of domestic workers having Halloween photoshoots. Looking at them happy made me sad. Why can't I just be like them? Why can't I just enjoy my life?

I traced the pathway in between lush trees to navigate my mind into something else. Something good and positive, because I don't want to be emotional in public. Then I headed toward the pebbled pathway to have a therapeutic walk. Even though I had almost a month's break from work, I felt exhausted. Every step onto the sharp edges of pebbles gives me pain in my soles, yet it relieves tension and pressure, which was relaxing in the end. I tried to form an upward curve in my lips, yet sadness was still drawn in my eyes, which I couldn't keep.

I stayed in this place while watching the sun slowly settle below the horizon. Soon the dusk came, but the thought of the sun reminded me that the next day it would rise again, which symbolizes life and hope. While many want to live longer, some choose to end their day. I wish they would appreciate how life is worth living and how beautiful the world is. And we all know that death is inevitable. So why not cherish each day and fight for life for as long as we can? Questions. I have a lot of questions. As for now, I'll keep them in mind and try to get back on track. Because, as I mentioned, "Life is worth living."

(All photos are mine)

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