WHY I FAILED? : DIARY OF AN AREWA GIRL🌺

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(Edited)

Fun Fact: Did you know Arewa is arguably one of the most advanced languages in Nigeria, and Africa as a whole? - ONNAEDO

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📱picture of me


Jennifer Salaiz rightly said in one of her quotes that “The eyes are one of the most powerful tools a woman can have. With one look, she can relay the most intimate message. After the connection is made, words cease to exist.
My Introductory Post provided little information about myself, so I'll move on to a brief look at my region of the country, the North, also known as Arewa.
AREWA the ethnic group from which I come, is by far the least researched in Nigeria.
Our culture and traditions differ significantly from those of other regions such as the south, south-east, and west. Women are expected to wear a headscarf and to cover their bodies with a veil as a sign of Honour. There are over 500 spoken languages and two dominant religions, Christianity and Islam. Irrespective of our differences, we still hold strongly to our culture and tradition because that is where we unite. Despite the dreaded Boko-haram attacks, Arewa is still known for it's hospitality. We welcome visitors into our homes with open arms, believing that strangers are God's messengers to us.

From my side of the country, there are certain expectations that come with being a girl child, and these expectations have nothing to do with her reaching for the stars and everything to do with her being trained to be a proper homemaker. The roles of the girl and boy child are established from birth. While the boys go to school and play ball, the girl child is expected to spend her day at home being groomed to be a domestic asset. When compared to the birth of a boy child, the birth of a girl child is almost never celebrated in some rural areas.

It is also common for a girl to marry at a very young age. A girl can be betrothed as young as seven years old, and at worst by the age of eighteen, she should be married and settled in nicely.
However, in modern times, Many families have been able to break free from this ancient practice, and thankfully, my family is one of those who show no difference between girl and boy children. We all went to school and we all participate in domestic chores.

You're probably wondering why I chose that title? It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. It's true that my parents have had decent exposure and done their best to protect us, but, we are still part of a society that dictates the upbringing of boy and girl children.

It was on October 2nd, my birthday. I awoke thirsty and went to get a drink of water. It was close to midnight. I was on my way to the kitchen when I heard sobs coming from the living room, so I took a detour to find out what was going on. My mother was on her knees, head bowed, praying or crying. I crept closer so as not to disturb her, and that's when I heard her praying to God and calling my name. My mother was concerned because I was now a year older (a score old) and unmarried. I couldn't believe it, so I grabbed a cup of water and went back to my room.
I lay motionless on the bed, and tears began to flow from my eyes. I simply shut my eyes and said

Lord, Whatever is bothering my Mum, please put her at ease and respond to her.

I rolled to the side and dozed off. I never mentioned a word about it to my folks or asked why, because I already knew the answer.


Why was I a failure in the eyes of society, despite my accomplishments?

Marriage for women is an incredible achievement, a trophy, and a great honor to the girl's family in their eyes. Regardless of how hard my family tried to protect me from it, they couldn't change society's views. When my parents went to family gatherings, they would inquire if their daughter was already married or engaged to be married. I know my parents avoided certain gatherings and also prevented me from attending them most of the time. When my relatives called me, that was the first thing they said and the last thing they said.
The pressure got to me to the point where I was dating people I should've probably only been friends with, all in the name of fulfilling my responsibilities as a good daughter. I was hurt, cried, and healed, but it didn't matter that I was trying. Because I didn't have a man to back me up, I was looked down on and disrespected in certain situations.

In their eyes, I was a failure, and I wasn't good enough. Nothing I did was good enough because I hadn't brought my family honor. It felt as if even if I failed at everything else, getting married was enough. I felt trapped.

But it was them who failed, not me. They failed to recognize that a woman's role is not limited to childbearing, but that by educating and empowering her, you are empowering an entire nation.
Because society rushed so many early marriages, girls who were not allowed to discover their dreams and potential are now left struggling.

My society subtly passed on the idea that educating a girl child would make her impossible to control in marriage, but failed to recognize that submission in its true sense is strength under control, and a woman's inability to submit in marriage had nothing to do with her being overly educated, but rather with her lack of exposure to proper teachings.

It failed to recognize that everything on Earth has a time and a season, just like winter and summer, seed-time and harvest.

MY SOCIETY FAILED, NOT ME.

You have no boundaries other than those you impose on yourself.

Do not let a failed society dictate your life. You were born to reach for the stars, and the Universe will do everything in its power to bring together so that you attract the exact person for whom you match the investment.

💝YOU ARE UNIQUE, SEPARATE AND WHOLE💝

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🤗Until Next Post, Hive, Vibe & Be Lucky🍀

🍾WISHING YOU A MAGICAL START TO THE NEW YEAR2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣2️⃣🥂

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All content is mine unless otherwise Noted
queenstarr ©2022



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53 comments
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We have the same issue in India...at least in rural places. The birth of a boy child is celebrated and a girl child's birth is not...although this difference is quickly being eradicated from society I wonder how many girls have suffered due to this.

This post made my eyes watery and I consider myself a tough guy. That was the power of this post. Kudos to you for raising this issue. And more power to you.

All I want to say is that I sometimes feel ashamed of this society and to consider ourselves a part of it.

!PIZZA

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Awe Pravesh, your comment made me tear up too😢
I know of a few of my friends who are struggling at oresent cause of this, one is Aisha who got married at 13, she was my sit mate in school. One day i came to class and she was absent, then told she got married. After a few months she out to bed and Aisha ruptured her bladder which left her in a bad state. I don't know if she's been cured now cause i lost touch.
It's just sad and my hope is that, society will wake up to the truth if the damage they've cause and cause healing.
Thank you so much for your added spice, only made this post worth sharing my friend. Much love🤗

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(Edited)

PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
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The society has wrong values at times.

It's good that you've realized that you did not fail. Don't let them pressure you into doing something you'll regret.

!PIZZA

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Thank you so much @b0s
I appreciate your kind words and yes will take your advice.much love 🤗

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It is sad how so many societies have marginalized girls and women for centuries. But you have shown how there is great power added to a society when women are allowed to reach their full potential. And you are a living example of that, too, dear sister! 💗
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🥺Awee
Thank you so much Ms Kitty, i feel honored💗love you this big🤗

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It's an issue that sadly is still very relevant in many places. 😕

It takes courage and lots of endurance from families like yours for the slow and painful change to happen in those societies. But it's inevitable!!

by educating and empowering her, you are empowering an entire nation.
Couldn't say it better. Society's advancement and success are hugely dependent on their women and their behavior.

A bird cannot fly with a broken wing!

You have no boundaries other than those you impose on yourself. Do not let a failed society dictate your life.
THIS ✌💫

I wish you the best in your life, and hope you will achieve whatever you want!

Keep reaching for the stars 🌟 @queenstarr 🌟

Much !LUV 🍕 and !PIZZA ❤

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🥺Awee always a thoughtful comment from you, wish i was this gifted.
Thank you Yaz and I wish you same success as well.
✨We all will reach for the Stars🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Much Love 🤗

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@queenstarr

Good morning! What a powerful post, and certainly a #thoughtfuldailypost my friend. From your post:

"Do not let a failed society dictate your life. You were born to reach for the stars, and the Universe will do everything in its power to bring together so that you attract the exact person for whom you match the investment.'

As you've probably seen mentioned in our conversations at The Terminal, I was raised by women. A single Mom, and a loving Grandmother, were my building blocks growing up. My parent's divorced when I was around two years old, so my Grandparents helped raise me as my Mom worked three jobs, as well as taking night classes to better her skills as a secretary.

In the same mindset as yours here... I was looked down on, made fun of, and yes... bullied, because I didn't grow up with a Father. But I did grow up being raised with compassion, manners, and respect. Not only for other's, but also myself.

Society... as if it's an actual "living thing" sure can control us. I'm glad that you were able to see past that, and had loving parent's who also were able to.

Thank you for sharing this personal, and powerful (and thoughtful!) story with us; your parent's should be proud!

k75bsZMwYNu2L3iBMXq5y7xeiy1isFJsZxnMZSXuXEsxe4ee1cUkGyPyfEF6xffwkdtNDL1ETjujF9B1sDnYsu8s6KduFqoBrAShnoEyrgmL6TXU8yEuajDJa7axTpZonEaGdTm7n96gDa3JWa56r29Nxa5GRGRdg.pngWes...

!LUV !WINE @tipu curate

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WoW🥺
You shared such a powerful experience and Yes, I do see the Compassion, manners and respect from the way you go about your communication with us at the terminal. You're indeed so kind and that's sure proper unbringing.
It is my complete honour to share this short story and I'm so glad It's worth the title #ThoughtfulDailyPost
Love ya this Big Wes Sir🤗💗

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Your post really made me teary, I remember before I got married, i went to a cousin wedding and my aunt insulted me because she felt I should have gotten married since 😊😊i was way older than her daughters that are all married,I also grow up in the north and I know how girl child are treated, my parent gave birth to 5 girls, 1 boy and i know how my mother was treated, but they never relented in giving us the education we needed despite the critism. thanks for bringing this topic up. Visual hug.

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Success is your mantra. I want to sing it with you at the top of my voice. One woman cannot change a nation, but one seed can spread and grow a FOREST. Trapped in a backward world, your light is shining BRIGHT. BRIGHT. I wish I had the power to CURATE YOUR STORY. ❤️❤️💕❤️❤️💕❤️🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Hello my beautiful Queen, I love this post. I stumble of things though. You said:

My mother was concerned because I was now a year old and unmarried.

surely you were not one year old and getting up, going to the kitchen for a glass of water.
Maybe some local reference to age that I'm unaware of? Perhaps you meant one year past the age where they thought you should have been married?

Did you know, in the bible there are TWO accounts of the creation of men and women.
In the first, they were created together.
In the second, Eve was created from Adams Rib.

There is a tradition, a story in Hebrew writings that the first woman in the first account was not Eve, but Lilith. She insisted that she be "on top" (if you know what I mean) and would not lie with Adam otherwise.
That meant she would not submit, and was banished from Eden, and is now a spirit.

So the second account is all about woman's being compelled to submit to her husband, and we see that everywhere today in all Judeo-Christian nations.
WE all know that the two are equal in almost every respect (men can't bear children, you know those types of differences)

I hope you can find some freedom in that society. Methinks it will be difficult, but you hang on @queenstarr

↑Upvoted↑and←Reblogged→

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Hey dear Rockstar Jerry😎🤘

My mother was concerned because I was now a year old and unmarried.
surely you were not one year old and getting up, going to the kitchen for a glass of water.
Maybe some local reference to age that I'm unaware of? Perhaps you meant one year past the age where they thought you should have been married?

Ah error there, meant a year older as you rightly stated. A score old to be exact was what I had in mind but skipped that.

WE all know that the two are equal in almost every respect (men can't bear children, you know those types of differences)

Yes we sure do

** I hope you can find some freedom in that society. Methinks it will be difficult, but you hang on @queenstarr**

Thank you so much , indeed I'm shocked, pleasantly shocked. Love you this BIG Rockstar Jerry💝🤗

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This is a very thoughtful post to be sure. Gives me much to think about as a man. I am glad that it was shared on the #pypt podcast.

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Awe Thank you so much sgt-dan, I feel honoured🤗
Much Love to you💝

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It saddens me to know that this is still happening in some places. Women are empowered to reach for the stars and live the life that would make them happy. You never failed my friend and you proved that.

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Thank you so much my friend. We keep trying daily to stay afloat. I appreciate your kind words🤗
How's your Beautiful Daughter and Mrs doing? My Love to them from Nigeria💜🤗

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MY SOCIETY FAILED, NOT ME

Very true, @queenstarr. This is the most inspiring piece I have read today and I am motivated. The societal restrictions on women is not limited to your community but almost all over Africa.

I faced similar situations from my extended family members but for the intervention of my mother, it could have been worse.

I'm happy you won't let any societal rules limit you. Keep discovering who you are. There is more to life than marriage. Thank you. 😃

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The societal restrictions on women is not limited to your community but almost all over Africa.

Totally agree with you.

Thank you Darling Sis, i totally appreciate you 💜🤗

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What a beautiful sharing @queenstarr 💓 I wish it weren't this way yet the only way it will change is with women like you who make a difference by standing up to what is not right. You are well on your way with your strong Spirit. You're going to do great things. I just know it 🤗

A quote I heard once fits your story: "There are no tests. Only opportunities to demonstrate our mastery."

I look forward to watching you shine, Mz. Queen Starr 💖

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Aweee Aren't you the sweetest Liza😍🤗
Thank you so much for your heart warming response, I'm so touched and encouraged.
We will both shine and totally looking forward to yours too.
Much Love to you Darling♥️

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(Edited)

It always saddens my heart whenever I think of how poorly our society views the girl child.

This has led a lot of ladies into unending suffering. I was almost fall a victim to this societal behavior but somehow I was able to handle it because I'm always being focused and working toward whatever I want and don't give a damn about what society will say.

After, my schooling the next thing every single person was asking for was when I will get married? It was so upsetting that, no one cares if I was emotionally, financially ready for it even when I had to be struggling looking for a job and to start my business.

It got so bad I had to cut some people off, I told myself the only reason that will make me get married is if I found someone compatible with me. Anything less is out of it.

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Wow Darling I'm so proud of you and I'm proud of us all. Proud of every lady taking a stand for what truly is right.
It will happen when it's time and it will be worth the wait.
You're so strong, much love to you.

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A good read. Our value system differ and we are quick to judge people by our standards. Marriage is certainly not for everyone and it's unfortunate that most woman are stigmatized for not finding a partner in this part of the world. I certainly will not put any undue pressure on the women in my life and sphere. I believe as long as a person is able to take care of their self and add value to the society they are a success.

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Thank you so much Nonsowrites for your kind comment, added Spice. I agree with tou and hope that someday more will come into light. Much Love 🌸

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Thank you for sharing your powerful experience. I am so glad you are not letting it dictate your life.

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I've heard of this too often in different cultures where women are stifled and underappreciated.

Thanks for sharing.

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Hello dear Diva, Indeed. This is real and still in practice to this day, I grew up init and still living init.
I appreciate your lovely visit and comment❤️💐

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