Dear Diary: Just Keep Moving Forward (LOH 158)
November 4, 2023
-Roy T. Bennette
How often do you write in your journal? There have been happenings recently that made me take out my diary. That's when I found out how long I have been keeping it since the last day I updated it in 2019. When I read my late father's diary, I realized how important it is, especially when you leave the world unexpectedly without telling the real story. Things that people don't know about you will be learned in your diary, including your thoughts, opinions, feelings, emotions, grudges, happiness, and secrets. Unclear things will be clarified. There are still questions, though, that are left unanswered about my father's passing. Hopefully, someday, I will understand everything.
And just last night, I was done watching the Taiwanese series called Someday or One Day wherein Diary is also part of it. These recent happenings just coincide with the LOH 158 topic which I guess reminds me to update my Diary more often from now on.
Dear Diary
As gloomy as the weather this morning, my feelings are. This isn't my choice, I just couldn't help it. It happens naturally which I want to alter if I can. As posted on my Twitter recently, "I want to bring my old self/life back" as I feel like I'm not the real me recently. I wish I could find my real self soon. Because honestly, it sucks living in this dark world. I'm not the once enthusiastic, determined, and goal-oriented lady. I'm lost and can't find the right track.
In the series I watched recently, Someday or One Day, am I Chen Yun Ru, who badly wants to be Huang Yu Xuan forever? Am I an outcast? Does being an introvert impact my life positively? As I looked at myself in the mirror and reminisced about what my life has been, I realized how bad my life is, but in the eyes of other people, it isn't. They just don't know the real story. I rather keep it in my sleeves and don't share it, not even in this diary.
Days pass too quickly. It's been 32 days since you were laid to rest and 43 days since you left us, Father. I wish you would visit me in my dreams. Honestly, I have a lot of questions that you need to answer. Those questions keep bothering my mind, and I can't be at peace if they remain unanswered. I wish I hadn't read your diary. It put my mind in such confusion that only your answer could put my mind back at ease. Please, even just once, visit me in my dreams.
How many times did I tell myself to move on and just keep moving forward? Words are easy to say but hard to act on. Can I not be too stubborn and just listen to what is right? I hope so. But, can I not be okay? Because they said it's okay not to be okay. It's easy to smile back when people smile at me. But deep inside, I am crying.
But then realizations hit me. Just like in the series I watched, "I'm not an outcast; I'm not a loner; I can be happy. It's just that I have a lot of expectations for the world. Maybe I can lessen them. About the unanswerable questions, hopefully, someday or one day, I'll get the answers I deserved to regain my old self, and learn to savor the journey again.
Until next time...for now, just keep moving forward...
People are probably fed up with reading my sentiments again and again. But the hell I care! I just want to release these heavy feelings until I get better.
Anyway, thanks @brittandjosie for allowing us to share a part of our diary.
(All photos are mine)
Join her on her quest for self-discovery and wanderlust. If you like her content, don't hesitate to upvote, drop a comment, reblog, and follow for more wonderful adventures. |
|---|
You can also reach me on my socials and let's be connected:
I hope that you find your 'joy' again and the answers to those questions that remain unanswered for now. Take care please!🤗💜
Thanks !LADY
Still trying to find light in my way.. I'll be totally okay soon
View or trade
LOHtokens.@jane1289, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @elizabethbit and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (2/8 calls)
Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.
🤗💜 !LUV A hug for you!
!luv
Some reality is harsh and we can't do anything against it except accepting it. I know you are not facing a good time or enjoying a good time because of a recent incident but I as well as I know you are a strong one and it's just a matter of time you will find your true self.
One little suggestion from my side although I am not so experienced person like you but I feel I should say. Stop hurting yourself and stop thinking too much because if you choose it, your stress and pain will be increased only. I hope I was able to make you understand what I want to say.
Be positive even if it's not easy for you.
!LUV
Well, I guess that's what i need to change. Easier said than done, though. After one try, it will be forgotten, then get hurt again....
Thanks for the concern, btw
!PIZZA
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, my dear friend. Losing someone so close to us is truly heartbreaking. I understand that it will take time to grieve, but I have no doubt that you will get through this process. You are such a strong and courageous woman who can face anything that comes your way. If it helps, you can try writing about your feelings and thoughts. I actually ranted about something today in the rant community, and it felt quite liberating. Sometimes, it's important to let it all out and express what's in your mind and heart. Keeping it all to yourself can be like a virus that spreads within you.
!LUV
Thanks friend!LADY
We all at some point go through this stage, and the only way to get through this is acceptance. But some people don't want to read our rants, so that's when the diary comes in handy. ..some might judge, but I don't really care.
View or trade
LOHtokens.@jane1289, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @mell79 and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (3/8 calls)
Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.
The only thing that matters is "YOU". Yourself is worth more than what people assume you are. I guess you are the best and you can just be proud of how far you have become. Stay strong.💪
!LADY
View or trade
LOHtokens.@mell79, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @jane1289 and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (1/1 calls)
Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@jane1289(2/5) tipped @coolmidwestguy
jane1289 tipped intishar
We go through grief at different pace. Who could ever move on with the loss with a loved one. We just have to live with the pain for a moment and later on live with the memories. It's really ok not to be okay.
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 21/51) Liquid rewards.
Nah I'm not one of them. You should continue releasing those heavy feelings as long as it feels it helps. !HUG I give advice but don't practice well at it. !LOLZ
I tell you I started blogging because I wanted to distract my mind from the things that weigh on me. I would of thought by now I would have let them out on the white screen but no. Just not ready probably has more to do with being a man keeping his emotions to himself. Maybe I should write a diary entry for my own eyes.
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @coolmidwestguy.
(1/3)
lolztoken.com
I do.
Credit: marshmellowman
@jane1289, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of coolmidwestguy
(1/4)
Farm LOLZ tokens when you Delegate Hive or Hive Tokens.
Click to delegate: 10 - 20 - 50 - 100 HP
Before started blogging on readcash, I was depressed.. Writing helped me recover... So it is for me, another kind of diary, a wall of freedom where I could express my emotions and feelings when they seem to be heavy to bear.
You can write your own. All of us have some sentiments and rants to share.
Thanks for always listening...
!LUV !PIZZA
It's funny when I look back when I first started blogging. I actually had a very long detailed draft of my deep emotional feelings and thoughts. I thought I would publish after a few published articles. That was the plan 😂 just never manifested. What happened? I deleted the draft and just wrote as a distraction. I have hinted sometimes though. Never thought I would still be doing it. Writing and engaging with others has helped me keep it at bay :)
Your welcome Jane 💚 🤗 Until the day you regain the self you want to be. It will come 😊
@coolmidwestguy, @jane1289 just sent you LUV. (1/5)
Having a diary is like you found yourself your own confidant who will never judge you and instead will listen to you. I never really wrote a diary even before. I tried, but chose not to do it. I feel like, if i did that people might discover it and I don't want that. So instead of a diary, I just wrote a story that is similar to what's happening to me, but all of them was unfinish naman, lol.
Anyways, it's really hard to move on especially if you have those unanswered questions that bothers you and your curious to why it happened. Pero in time siguro, we can do it. Its hard naman talaga, so take your time and keep moving forward.
That's the disadvantage of having a diary.. Your secrets will be revealed once found by others.. But at some point, it will help people understand the situation..
I wish we could time travel and change the past to avoid the bad happenings in the future..been watching too much drama I guess, lol.
It's good but bad too at the same time. And at least, if one of the fam found it they will know about the real you, the real feelings and everything.
I am watching A Time Called You and Twinkling Watermelon rn, and yeah, how I wish we can also do this aigooo. What if lang no.
Writing can be cathartic for many people, keeping a diary or blogging etc. For me it is not, I keep everything to myself and always have. Like handling grief,we are all different, there is no right way, you do what feels right for you Jane, big hugs.
Post manually reviewed. 😊
Yay! 🤗
Your content has been boosted with Ecency Points, by @jane1289.
Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform!
Support Ecency
Vote for new Proposal
Delegate HP and earn more
Writing our thoughts and feelings helps ease the burden so just keep doing it. Some questions are best kept unanswered, probably for us to draw some lessons from. I hope you will find yourself again... soon...
Sending you some hugs :)
!LUV
@jane1289, @ifarmgirl just sent you LUV. (4/5)
!LADY
View or trade
LOHtokens.@ladiesofhive, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @jane1289 and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (7/30 calls)
Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.
View or trade
LOHtokens.@jane1289, You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting in Ladies of Hive. We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.