THE UNTOLD TRUTH ABOUT HAPPILY EVER AFTER
“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happy is he who finds that true friend in HIS WIFE” - FRANZ SCHUBERT
Everyone loves the idea of getting married. Personally, it is my everyday dream. I sometimes wish that I could skip the present and just fast forward to being married to my beautiful woman, my cuddle-bug. Oh, the goosebumps I get just thinking about this makes me ecstatic, makes me feel like I've experienced a sweet marriage before, maybe in my former life. I guess I was so in love with my woman that I still can't let go of my former life memories.
Marriage is a beautiful thing or at least that is what the social media tells us. The beautiful smile on married couple’s faces on social media these days paints this picture of happily ever after in marriages. In fact, some people now see marriage as a safe haven where they can hurry into and get covered from the harsh realities of life itself.
I remember meeting a beautiful young lady named Peace who later became a close friend. She saw Marriage as an escape plan. In fact, she felt marriage was the end of struggles and an automatic ticket to snapping couples' pictures on a private beach showing sparkling white teeth, waking up to breakfast in bed, and living life without stress. I could only imagine what was running through her head at that point. In fact, she felt that all she needed was a man who is rich, and like our ladies say it - Tall, dark and handsome. Some years later, she got what she wanted to an extent but it came with a heavy price - her happiness and peace of mind.
What do you think went wrong? Is Marriage really a happily ever after?
I met this my beautiful friend recently, already married with 2 kids, yet unhappy and unfulfilled. Let me share her thoughts on her marriage and the untold truths about marriage.
- Happily ever after is a choice that takes deliberate effort from both parties: Just like the Holy Bible says that “Can two walk together except they agree”, Marriage is a walk done by two mature people in agreement with a vision of where they are heading to, plans on how-to and constant deliberate effort to make it work.
My beautiful friend never knew about this untold truth, no one told her when she walked down the aisle in her beautiful white gown on her wedding day in Paris. That Marriage was more than going on vacations and having good sex at will. It dawned on her months later when she saw the handwriting on the wall. Her husband had suddenly drifted and they were like strangers under the same roof. Nothing seemed to catch their fancy any longer and they couldn't just breathe the same air.
- Happily ever after requires falling in love with each other every day no matter what:
Just as Mignon McLaughlin said “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”
It takes a deliberate effort to love a person always regardless of what happens in the long run. The truth is that your partner will age, lose that perfect body shape, and fine looks, especially during pregnancy periods, and have funny and cranky mood swings with reactions you can't just explain or fathom where it is all coming from. At this point, it's either you run for your dear life without looking back or you choose to love, correct in love and still love regardless.
My beautiful friend, Peace and her husband never understood this part. In fact, her husband loved her more because of her ‘figure 8 shape’. Pregnancy and childbirth came in and the well-shaped body became past tense. Her husband lost it and always body-shamed her because he couldn't understand where all the nice curves went. He blamed it on her eating his money too much which resulted in looking elsewhere for what he loved. Peace finally lost her peace.
- The untold truth is that any marriage not built on true friendship will crash. Both parties must enjoy each other's company so well and see beyond physical appearance.
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love and they can blossom when we love the ones we marry” - Tom Mullen
Till date, Peace is still in search of her happiness and I hope she does find her happily ever after, maybe in something else because she has lost all her hope in her marriage.
What do you think? Is there really an happily ever after?
What would you do if you were in Peace's shoes?
You have said it all, Marriage is a beautiful thing but many people are going into it for the wrong reason. Just like how peace saw marriage as an escape plan, a lot of other ladies out their are just outside looking for a man to feed them and not love them.
Marriage is indeed a beautiful thing with so much to look out for. I think it's high time we sensitize our young ones to the untold truths about marriage so that many don't make the same mistake Peace made and suffer for it.
Marriage is never an escape plan so everyone must deliberately prepare and grow for it.
Thanks for your beautiful comment, brother. Much love🥰
Thanks for reading, boss. I hope ladies and guys know much about this becausee many people just go into a relationship with no purpose of without even loving themselves.. how can you give a love you don't have.
Very correct my friend. I love your insight on this topic.
Much love brother😍
Hmm maybe we need to love our partner based on things that are beyond what we can see, imagine how her husband loved her because of her figure 8, something that will later fade away, so when it fades the love also fades, the reason why we love our partner should not be because of the physical appearance alone, else when the physical appearance becomes old with time, the love also gets old and then problem will set it.
Of a truth, love is way beyond physical appearances. Love is pure, and genuine, and requires intentional actions for it to work.
Thanks for reading, brother. Much love😍
I do believe that there is a happily ever after because I am living it now.... My husband and I have been married for 27 years now and we have one child, a son who is twenty now turning twenty one this August, a college student already.
It's been 27 years but we feel like we are just newly-weds still.
I guess if you will find the one right person for you, then you both will have a happily ever after.
The longer we have been married the more our love for each other grows, the more respect, the more kindness, the more understanding and so much more spices as what I call them to better fortify our marriage.
I am so grateful that after all these years my husband treats me like a queen in his life.
I guess being a loving son to his mother also has a big impact in our relationship because how he treats his mother in love and respect same way he treats me too.
Wow, this is awesome and I'm so happy for you Ma
As you have rightly said, finding the right partner is very important, and on top of this, both parties must be willing to work together regardless of what may come. The intentionality to stay together and wage through ups and downs helps renew marriages and love bonds.
My kind regards to your husband and son. Much love🥰
Yes, on point my friend. Thank you for the kind regards. We are driving now in the rain at 10:20pm to bring our son to the bus station. He will be going back to the his university which is a five- hour drive up the Mountains for his summer classes. He just had his 10 days vacation now it's back to university life again.
This is so nice. I Hope the journey went smoothly.
I can relate to university life too. I'm a year 4 engineering student and I know the hassle involved.
Best regards Ma🥰