RE: Delusions
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Temptation man, temptation. For some it is overpowering. For some the sense of unfairness and a chance to even things out, however wrong headed, empowers the lower impulses.
I see this in so many people, and sometimes even in myself. Self-reflection, which many people seem unable to do, helps me to stop. For instance, I used to wait for a person I owe money to to ask me for it before I re-pay them. That's been one of my struggles, even when the money involved is very small - so silly!. Funny thing is, I find that many people do the very same to me, and I do not ask for the money back either! Last night I described that trait of mine as an attempt to feel superior to the person who owes me money. Also silly!
Keep being the generous person you are. Ultimately, that is what matters. As you say we are here to help each other. Helping this particular person would also include letting him (him?) know that you know I should think. He needs to step up his game.
Hey, sorry for the late response here. Been really busy with some things.
I was just talking with someone earlier today about the generosity topic, and how I sometimes struggle with the negative forces. When someone wrongs me, I'm prone to psychotic thoughts, and really just want to say screw everyone else.. But it's generally just temporary and coming from a place of hurt/violation.
I won't change who I am just because there are so many shitty people in the world. I don't even think I could change myself in that aspect if I wanted to, but it is tough to deal with in the moment.
I've known many people who won't pay people back unless pressure is put on them, It's not really something I understand, and I'm sure there are some interesting psychological components to it. I know I don't like it if a person doesn't pay me back when they say they will, and I really don't like to lend because of that component. I've heard some say they like having people in their debt, to me it causes added stress. I don't deal with conflict well. It's probably why I'm pretty hermit.
The guy asked for a dollar for the bus, and I just gave it to him, didn't ask to be paid back, and he didn't offer.. Another conundrum to me, as I could never ask someone for money without offering to pay it back, no way.. just not me.. but I really don't ask anyone for anything anyway. So, small money, even if someone does offer to pay it back, I'll often times just say "don't worry about it", because then I will feel psychotic over a dollar they promised to pay back if they don't pay it back.. Why bother..
Thank you for your thoughts, always appreciated my friend.