Against winter
Now listen here, Winter!
We have had just about enough of you
and your wintry
and wonderlandly shenanigans,
do you hear?
The other day we decided that
'twas just about time
for us to tell you that
'tis just about time
for you to pack up your things,
and get yourself gone,
if you please.
So, away with you now!
Melt yourself out of these hills
and into the valleys!
Make way for spring,
if you please!
For you have overstayed your welcome.
We are sick of the cold,
and the ice and the gloom,
and the snow.
We have had it up to here with your snowdrifts,
snowbanks,
snowdays,
snowflakes,
snowballs,
snowmelts,
snowfalls,
snowbelts,
snowplows,
snowpacks,
snowbirds,
snowcats,
snowcaps,
snowsleds,
snowscapes,
snowsheds,
snowslides,
snowfields,
snowcones,
snowmobiles,
snowshoes,
snowstorms,
snowboards,
and snowsports.
And we've become weary,
so incredibly weary!
Weary of building all these snow castles,
and snow fortifications,
and snow machines of war,
to wreak such bloody unbelievable havoc and destruction
upon this frozen barren wasteland!
Supremely bored,
we are!
Bored of stacking up all these hundreds of thousands of snowpeople,
and imbuing them with life,
and sending them out to enact our will
and enforce our reign of terror
throughout this grand new empire of ours!
We've tired,
we've grown so truly tired!
Tired of triggering all these avalanches
to bury our unsuspecting targets alive in their sleep at night,
right when they least expect it!
We've lost the joy,
we have!
Lost the joy of having all this hail and ice and blizzardry at our every beck and call,
available to rain down pain and poverty and death
upon all who resist our unstoppable advance,
at any time,
and anywhere!
It's really all just getting kind of old, Winter.
So if you could step things up
and let the next season settle in here
a little bit sooner than later,
that'd be great.
Thanks.
I mean, you could winter in San Diego. Same same same every day same but it doesn't snow except maybe twice a year in the mountains.
By the way...
😍
Totally worth all that winter for that one word.
I'm not sure if I would like California. I heard there are a lot of people over there. But I do like the sound of no snow.
I'm glad you liked blizzardry. Time to contact all the dictionaries and get them to add it.
!PIZZA
I didn't like California. I mean, I did, some of its nature and beaches, but I didn't/don't like its quantity of Southern Californians.
Yolo would not like its freeways. Neither of you would like the people who drive on them.
Forget I said anything.
bliz·zard·ry
/ˈblizərdrē/
noun
"Merlin used his powers of blizzardy to stop all the Southern Californians on I-5."
It's settled, then. I won't winter in California. Unless Merlin is on my side, then maybe I would.
Stop dissing Canadians!
I'm sorry it was a accident I swear!
Stop swearing at Canadians!
I'm sorry I promise that will never happen again!
Stop excessively saying sorry like a Canadian!
I apologize, what was I thinking!
I don't know. I smoked a joint and now I can't remember much about the things before and the stuff they did, or whatever. What?
It's okay. All that matters is we had fun and learned a lot. Here's your lollipop.
Dude. Put that thing away man. We talked about this.
No this is the other lollipop.
Now I'm questioning your Canadianness/Canadianity or something. The Canadians I know wouldn't say someone should stop dissing them, they'll turn the other cheek.
I wasn't being serious.
Hahaha, me neither.
Where you been, man? It's been a long time. Seems you've been off golfing on mushrooms again.
I've been around. No mushroom golf though. Far too much snow and ice for that.
Oh, yeah, right, I almost forgot winter. I've now just seen you've not been as away as I thought you were. Cool👍. Looking forward to one of your twisted art works 🤓
Hey, it can always get worse!
Good Lord that sounds horrifying. If that happens to Earth again then I'm leaving.
I'll save you a seat on the Shit Creek Express!
Thanks! I'll bring the paddle.
It's nearly done. Spring has almost sprung. Freedom beckons.
Nice pic editing!
Thanks but those pics actually edited themselves, I had nothing to do with it.
I hope they made some breakfast for you whilst they edited themselves. Time for them to learn about multi tasking
Damn straight they did. Huevos rancheros and !BEER. The perfect miserable winter morning meal.
I make my huevos in the coffee pot to save time. Mmmm, sweet eggy coffee
Sounds like it's time to open your own breakfast smoothie shop.
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @brandt for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.Thanks @ewkaw and qurator! Have some free !SNOW
PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@brandt(1/5) tipped @corvidae (x1)
Please vote for pizza.witness!
You and I are on the same wavelength in regard to our topics of writing, but completely geography. I do hope the snow people have sharp scary looking ice teeth. That would really suit them.
Yes, lots of scary teeth. And claws too. And laser blasters.
Speak for yourself, @brandt, what's with the 'we'? These guys in the photos are surely not sick of winter yet and they'll baseball bat your balls if you recited this poetry around them 🙄
Bah. I just sent an avalanche to bury the snowpeople in those photos. They had it coming :)
You're just a jealous person, those were innocent folks.
You're right. I was angry that they were getting more snow action than me, so I killed them.
😂😂😂
You get snowed in somewhere?
Yeah. Buried in an avalanche, actually. Until search & rescue finds me I probably won't be able to do much writing.
Sounds cool. Try not to have too much fun without me!