These past weeks have been tough on me. I sometimes think I'm bi-polar rather than simply Clinically Depressed.
When I bought my home on Dec 11 2020, it was the largest and most important step I'd ever taken, perhaps even overshadowing joining the military (1975) or selling (giving away) the home I grew up in (2000).
That first year with all the challenges of clearing the yard, fixing the moisture issues in the studio were things I could and did do myself, growing the veggie garden, all were physically taxing yet rewarding.

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Finally the specter of Disease begins to lift, but the days were growing shorter and my SAD began it's yearly arrival, just as that madman from the Kremlin set the world afire again.
The cold, the dark, coupled with the expense of an HVAC replacement (which was GREAT at first) then having to go through it again because of some silly change in codes, and just recently the cost of replacing my water supply line from the meter to the house

^{Imagine drinking the water that made it through that!}
was daunting.
Coupled with possibly serious health issues (still being investigated) my car being broken into sitting in my own driveway, have all left me feeling more suicidal than I have in many years.
I am finding it harder than usual to break out of the winter blues.
I have been through this before, and survived.

^{↑This is a heavily modified version of↑} ↑this↑

I find some relief in helping Family, friends and neighbors, by supporting those who have less... this is rewarding, I highly recommend it, when possible.

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Making out my WILL/LEGACY is depressing all by itself.

Which brings me back to this writing that I've shared before.

from pixabay

I am a ghost on the road,

Tired of wandering alone through this world.
I am a stranger in a strange land, with no message in my hand.
I am "Wrapped in good intentions"; hope fills my soul.
I have nothing to
Hide.

All I am is all you see;
There is nothing I won’t give you, if
What you want is to be free.
When we leave, our foot prints
Will be all that is left, the winds of time will wash them
Away as well.

What we do now in love, will echo through
The halls of eternity, so do it now, and do it well.
Each Act of Loving Kindness, sends ripples through
Time And Space;
We create the world we wish to live
In,
Let’s make it a wonderful place.

So when My Time is Come,
When my eyes are softly
Fading;
When the
Light of My Laughing Eyes Grow Dim,
I want the memories
That remain, to be ones of love, of
Deeds done for my brethren in
Peace, in Love and kindness.

When the world is barely
Breathing, Your voice
Softly calling, Your
Hands will lead
Me home.

“Benediction”

^by
Jerry E Smith
©4/2/16

"A Stab at Mental Health"

^by
Jerry E Smith
©04/03/2022

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