Desires, fears, & regrets

You're pissed. You crumple the handwritten letter she dropped on your desk that morning and toss it into the waste bin then slump into your grey sofa. Why were the people who made up the other gender so impatient?

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Your tie seems to be one of your problems so you reach out to loosen its grip on your neck, unbuttoning your shirt all the way to the end as well.

To think that you had already purchased the 4-carat diamond ring and paid for the hall she insisted her engagement must take place in. She hadn't even given you the opportunity to prove yourself to her. She had said she was all about the glamour lifestyle and if you weren't able to give it to her then she was moving on to someone else.

Only you didn't think that she was serious about that statement since you had been seeing each other for 13 years.

You wipe the angry tears from your eyes then go over to your bar to drown yourself in alcohol.

There were several other ladies who caught your fancy as you both grew older but you decided to stay because she stayed with you when you were just a scrawny teenager seeking for relevance in high school. Then she was a cheerleader and one of the most beautiful girls in school. Her identity as daughter to the state table tennis champion made her even more famous and guys didn't fail to flock around her.

You admired her from a distance and even joined the school soccer team because you wanted to see her do her thing on the field each time your team scored a goal.

Sometimes you passed her in the locker room but didn't have the courage to stop her or start up the conversation so you kept oogling at her from the distance.

That day at the training ground held your opportunity.

The captain of the soccer team, Red Anthony, was her boyfriend and because he was a rude jerk, you disliked him a lot. You went over to the field for practice a little earlier than usual and you saw them screaming in each other's faces.

She makes to leave at some point and Red drags her back. She begins to weep, begging him to let her go.

You are upset by the scene and cannot explain why you walk up to them or why you hit Red across his jaw but the next thing you know, you're on the grass and Red is punching you in your face.

What seems like hours later, you are picked up by the school emergency first aid team. Your nose is at an awkward angle and you cannot feel your body but you manage to smile because she is staring at you in the most beautiful way with her hand on your head.

Two weeks later when you're feeling better, the 3 of you are summoned before the disciplinary committee of the school, and in your face, she says that Red came at you because you both had a minor misunderstanding on the field. She claimed to be your witness.

You have no option but to corroborate her story and the very next day, Red is suspended indefinitely for physical violence against another student.

The day he left the first time you spoke to her.

This is why you felt indebted to her all these years, running to her service at her beck and call. To think that she said “Yes” to you without even thinking about it twice when you asked her in college, you had thought she was kidding then and had to ask her again to be certain.

She was everything you dreamed about and more, and you held on to her as your life depended on it, until you surprised her with a ring on her 29th birthday.

She was furious and despite the surprise party you threw with close friends and family, she stormed out of the restaurant which you had fully booked for the evening.

“I am not going to be engaged like a pauper!” Was her response when you asked why she was so furious, it was then she gave you the 4-carat diamond ring and massive well-decorated hall as conditions which you had met.

You definitely were not expecting your secretary to deliver a breakup letter to you that morning.

“I see why Red was so irritated by you, you're a snake!” You spit out at her tear-streaked face. She had found out about the arrangements you made and came running back the very next day.

“What was it you said in your letter again? You were just enduring me because you didn't want me to feel sorry for myself, I don't want you to feel sorry for me either so leave. I'll find a girl who deserves this 4-carat diamond ring and give it to her”

She is holding on to the legs of your pants but you kick her away.

You're about to walk away when she begins to call you by the sweet name she reserved for you alone, “Don't go my king….” Then the voice begins to sound different, and you remember she never called you her king.

You open your eyes and see a black-haired beauty staring at you with worry in her eyes, you have been dreaming of Ivana again and the way your wife is staring at you, you were probably talking in your sleep too.