Hello dear reader! I've been less active overall this last few weeks and especially on Hive this week. In today's post, in addition to reporting how my week went on the tasks for the DreemPort Challenge, I'll share with you some very intimate feelings and thoughts. I say intimate because what I'm about to blurt out is not an easy thing to me. It is something that took admitting it to myself in the first place which was also hard for me to do.

But first, I did make a pledge of commitment to this DreemPort Challenge and no matter how my week goes, good or bad, I'm going to stick to it as honestly as possible. It warms my heart to see all the beautiful support in the dreemport community and we are all here just to encourage each other and push forward together 🤗

This week, the tasks were upgraded and I only read it today, friday 🙈 (note to self - yes, it really is survival mode around here)

Here are the tasks for week #3 marked with my achievements and failures 👇

I needed to push the emergency break on my life. These last few weeks between flu sickness, work-related stress, a war started, financial difficulties, my body giving me all sorts of discomfort signals and social isolation time, my mental health suffered a tough blow. Thinking about it, I believe it's just the cumulation of all adversities from the last 2 years, since the pandemic has started.

You see, dear reader, I believe my social isolation time was my trigger. I crashed with myself, if that makes any sense at all. And with that I want you to receive a virtual hug from me if you relate to any of this. It is really hard.

_Source

Luckily I have a very good friend who reached out and noticed that maybe I wasn't really ok, even when I said I was when she asked me directly. She asked me 3 simples questions and I immediately started to cry and couldn't speak out loud.

I was in a coffee shop with other people I'm not very familiar with, and for you to understand me better, I would never cry in a public place with people I'm not comfortable with. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't like to show that much vulnerability to others but I'm perfectly comfortable when I have close friends or family around.

The questions she asked me were: 1- Are you eating properly? 2- Tell me how your typical week day is, what do you do after you wake up until you go to bed? 3- Do you feel motivated to do basic care or tasks, like cooking, taking a bath, or eating?

After question 2 I started to accumulate tears around my eyes. I was still trying to stay with my inner mask and thinking - 'it's just a hard phase and it will go away soon, don't need to worry them or burden them with your problems.' But after question 3, I knew the answer was no and I knew what that meant.

She then realized she had pushed a trigger and asked me if I wanted her to stop. I nodded with my head saying yes, I was overwhelmed by emotion. Then she asked me if I wanted to go with her to the ATM. I instantly got up and walked outside.

I can't be grateful enough for this friendship. You see, dear reader, I must have taken about 3 minutes or more to answer her questions. I really don't know how long it took, but I remember the awkward silence. I was having a really hard time to vocalise this and she noticed, waited for my responses, listened and offered me a way out to a safe place away from public eyes witnessing my burnout. I'm so deeply grateful for this. Sometimes all we need is someone to really actively listen.

We then went for a walk and talked a bit more. My friend has been dealing with anxiety disorder herself as well and she is a very practical, frontal person. She told me about her experience dealing with mental health problems and I really could relate to all she was saying.

She told me I needed medical help and of course she went over the science behind it as she also works in a health related career and has an extensive network in various specialties. She helped me to demystify some of my worries about taking medication and explaining to me how it works in our brain.

And that was it, dear reader... I shared this episode with you all because for me it was the moment were I admitted to myself I needed help. To let go control and allow others to take care of me is a soft point to me (note to self - if I ever have an accident or some physical limitation I'll be the worse patient ever 🙈)

As I write it, it sounds silly to me actually. How can I have a problem letting others take care of me? That sounds like the easiest thing to do! But then it isn't so I do need to work on that as well. So, you see, dear reader, why I'm on survival mode and I say this because my friend also gave me some very good, practical advice for the next few weeks while I wait for my doctor's appointment.

The practical advises were: 1 - Focus your energy on the basic, including eating properly 2 - Going to work because I can't stop 3 - Be kind to myself (not punishing myself with bad thoughts saying I'm not doing enough) 4 - Get medical help

Following this advices was what I did mostly this week and I'm trying really hard to be kind to myself and just accept that I don't have energy or emotional availability for much more right now besides going to work.

So, as you can see dear reader, for my dreemport challenge I didn't do much but I will be grateful for managing to do some extra besides my survival mode! I did some exercises on Tuesday that helped me relax a bit, mostly breathing and stretching 🤗. I had that day off work and I also felt like playing a little bit on my guitar and listening to some music. Drinking 40 oz. of water is still pretty easy to me as it already was a habit of mine. As for the rest, I mostly just layed down and had a lot of quiet time (note to self - at least one task done everyday without even knowing it 😆)

That's it for me today dear reader. Once again I present to you maybe a not so enjoyable post to read but these are truly my honest feelings and events from this week.

I'm sad I couldn't cheer and encourage fellow dreemers this week but I hope you're all proud of your achievements today no matter how small they may appear to you! I would also like to thank all of you who have been so supportive and encouraging to me in this challenge. You are all very much appreciated and valued 💜.

For me it felt really good writing again, it's been a while and I missed it! I think this time I'm going to need to stay in survival mode for a little while longer but I feel happy at the end of this post because I also feel hope that I will get back up again, stronger and wiser!

Take care 👋