Congrats, lil' miss! You made it this far

 
I'm very happy right now. Not everything is okay around me, but eh, that's life. I'm happy. In a few hours, I'll have reached the biggest milestone of my days. Allow me to explain that further. For as long as I can recall, I'd had the thought of being doomed to live only for a short period of time. This sensation of having sort of an expiration date has been had been hanging over my head. A scary bat over the crib of a baby, threatening but invisible. The Sword of Damocles.

Many of my life events had led me to think that the premonition was right, and that feeling of uncertainty would infiltrate poisonously my every thought and decision. I'd often find myself not caring about consequences, neglecting my future, because something whispered on the back of my mind that I'd be dead soon anyway. Of course, I had dreams and hopes, but when I expressed them, there was that voice again. I used to believe that I wouldn't live past 27 years. It might sound rather illogical to some of you, but deep down within me, I was sure of that.

Well, I'm alive. And I'm turning 28 in a matter of hours. I made it. Everything and nothing has happened. So, in light of the relevance of this milestone for me, I wanted to write a congratulations post to myself, to the child I was, to the woman I am and can become.

The original idea for this post was kind of bleak. A commemorative painting of me, sitting naked on the table where a cake awaits. Surrounded by black forms resembling my monsters. A message to them: "Happy Birthday to me, motherfuckers. I made it." It turns out that when I sat down to write this, I wasn't in the mood for something so dark, so I crafted another idea. Although not everything is okay around me, and there's still so much to do, I was serene. At last, a change of mood, a thirst for happiness!

Today, I say this to myself. Yes, lil' miss, everything and nothing has happened. Yes, life went on, even when you couldn't. You thought you couldn't, yet here you are. So, as a friendly reminder, for yourself and for your dear readers, let's recap some of the everyday reasons to smile, to keep going, to be the best version of ourselves.

 

10 signs that you're doing well in life

 

You have a roof over your head

My dream house is a home filled with love and understanding, where I feel safe, protected, encouraged to grow. Where I can get as much sunlight as I need, full contact with nature. Where I can nurture myself, and maybe some kids of my own. There would be cats, and a big oven for me to bake every day. A room for me to paint and get lost. That is my dream, and while I have a roof over my head right now and I'm grateful for that, I cherish the thought of achieving this particular goal. And I'm working for it.

You ate today

Well, being honest, I wasn't in the best mindset earlier today to prepare a complicated meal that would please my every sense. Still, I had food on the house, enough to make me a quick snack, with ingredients I like and nutritious. I'm thankful for that. I enjoy the days where I have the energy to enjoy cooking, to experiment. I go easy on myself when I don't. I try to keep in mind to nourish my body, rather than filling it with junk. And the best part is, that I have food, and I eat every day. There was a time where this wasn't granted, and I appreciate the steps that have led me away from that.

You have a good heart

My mom used to say to me that "my kindness was my power". For a long time, I associated those words with bad memories and recalled them with resentment and confusion. Now I know that, despite her reasons for saying them (which I don't know), she was right. Kindness is power. The power to be able to connect with the suffering of others, as well as with their happiness, all in a sincere manner. The power of going out of your way to lend a helping hand. I'm relieved to say, today, that I might have a good heart.

You wish good for others

My calls for help were ignored for a long time, by a lot of people who were close to me. Still, I wish them the best. I do because I can separate what I went through from everything else. I'm still capable of trusting, of opening my heart, of feeling good emotions. I can connect with the people I meet, see their value, and wish them good, sincerely and kindly, not wishing something in return.

You have clean water

Most people undervalue water. They take its presence for granted. Oh, it's so easy to go to the supermarket and buy a plastic bottle with clean water, to get home and have a nice shower. But I've seen what the absence of clean water can do to a village, to people. My wish is that we never reach a point where water becomes the center of a global crisis. Oh, wait, it is a global crisis. Just a little research on those countries you might not think about much and you'll see... Let's value water a little more, put more effort into not wasting it, and above all, keep our eyes open to see if there's any way we can lend a helping hand.

Someone cares for you

I have great people in my life. Perhaps too few, but it's better that way, at least for me. They're protective, caring, loving. Capable of really listening to me, whether it is a good moment or a bad one. Always keen to make me smile and delight in the joy of being alive. They're very important to me, more than they could ever imagine, and I hope to be able to give back at least half of what they give to me.

You strive to be better

It's not always easy, I'll admit that, but I'm constantly revising my thoughts, my actions, my words. I strive to be better, in every sense I can. The experiences of others can help immensely to open one's eyes to certain things, and that's something we should always cherish and try to benefit from. There are plenty of recommendations I could give on this matter, so if you're one of us who are striving to be better humans and more in tune with ourselves, let me know and I'll share what I've found with you.

You have clean clothes

Today was laundry day, precisely. I'm grateful that I have clothes to wear, and the possibility of washing them. Recently, I went through my closet and separated everything I don't use anymore, to donate it to people that are in need of clothes. I encourage you to try it, and your day will brighten up. Social media feeds us with these lies, that there's just another item we need, something else we would look good on, a sense of status. Let's try not to buy into the deception, even if it's bombarded in our faces. If you have clean clothes to wear, you're extremely lucky, believe me. Let's focus on experiences instead, on truly living.

You have a dream

I'm alive, I made it this far, and so I'll allow myself to have a dream. I'm willing to put in the work, in it for the long haul, ready to make my reality as close as possible to what I dream of. Do you have a dream? Are you working towards it actively?

You're breathing

Last but not least, I'm breathing. I will not take for granted my following breaths, ever. They're precious, each a reminder of the opportunity we all have in this level of consciousness. I breathe, and I say to myself: I will honor the filling of the lungs, the sensations on the skin, every heartbeat, every view. I'll do it for you, lil' miss.