Darkness falls upon us and all but I, fall into a deep sleep. It is these moments of silence that sustain me, that allow me to fill my reserves.

The only sounds are the gentle breathing of my children and the animals that share our space. Sleep still does not come easy for me, I still wait until exhaustion hits me before I close my eyes.

Those times that I haven’t, waited I see your face and the tears begin to fall. It is still so raw, your absence still tugs so strongly at me.

So I sit with the silence for a while, taking the time to look back over this year. A year that has stripped me bare and left me tattered upon it’s shores.

I have indeed rode these turbulent waves and I have crashed many times, but still I have persistently stayed a float.

I have witnessed my strength and determination in equal measures alongside my pain and suffering. I have hit real lows whilst clinging to that strength and surprised myself with the power that has carried me forward.

So many times, I have felt that I had reached my limit, sure that I would just crumble and give in.Just lie down and never get up again.But I didn't, amongst it all I still held onto my gratitude.

Life is so feckin hard at times and yet amongst it all I know that I very fortunate.

I was never one to complain, I am fully aware how amazing the earth is and how lucky I am to live as I do. I am happily living under the radar, not registered in any country, living on a land that sustains me and helps to feed my girls.

I am living the life I wish to live, I am living consciously.

The wind has finally died down and everything feels so calm.

A wind that came and blew away all that we were prepared to let go!

It gets me thinking about all the things we hold onto, fearfully that if we let them go we will become mere shadows of who we were. But on letting go, we open the door ways to receive, we allow our energy to flow freely.

When we hold on, we end up holding ourselves back.

The wind has died down and I shake off the remnants of yesterday. I stand ready to embrace a new day, a new me. Letting go is necessary, let it go with each breath.

Now I am ready to close my eyes, to let myself slip away from my conscious self and explore the many depths that await.

The silence envelops me and I welcome the sweet release that comes with sleep.

I feel myself fall away, into the warm embrace of my dreams. I am lighter than air, my breath creates symphonies before my eyes, brought to life and dancing an intrigue design of interconnectedness.

I am lifted up far and beyond any realm that I know, carried forward in this mystical time, where I am nurtured and made whole. Alert and responsive to all that surrounds me, I have no need for words, for the spoken language, all is as it should be!

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