Today Is My Dialysis Day Hooray A Reason To Celebrate

I'm quite happy today, it is my dialysis day and yet I am not like a fish out of water just like in the past years. It is quite an achievement for me to feel way much, much better before my dialysis day. So thanks to my personal effort to find ways to solve that issue where I am getting breathing problems a couple of days before my treatment sessions and it has been too long before it got resolved.

I know that I can never be normal again, in fact I am still getting some trouble breathing with a minimal exertion. It is due to my lungs being squeezed by my backbone that had been crooked due to weakness arising from complications of being a long-term dialysis patient without a proper care so it had lead to this current condition of mine.

It is really frustrating yes but it happened, I am now living in a nightmare, even nightmares are better than my life because I could see in my nightmares that I can still be able to run and walk but my reality is worse now than any nightmare that I experienced. So I cannot really compare my current health situation to a nightmare.

But I can compare my life to hell without flames, the proper description to my life would be "torture on two legs" because that is what it is, I am being tortured in many fronts of my battle. I am tortured physically, it is hard to even sit for long as I feel that my backbone is bending. My joints are out of commission too, they are not cooperating.

Mentally I am being tortured especially if I would outlive my parents or one of my siblings also "graduates" before I do. Nobody really out here will probably take me in. So I feel alone in that regard, what a terrible and sorry possibility it would be fore me. I cannot even think about that scenario so thinking about it just strains my mental health.

Financially I am getting drained too so without my ability to earn a little solely from this platform I could never support my medical needs considering that my freaki'n medicines are expensive and hard to endure like my Cinacalcet, the sole medicine for hyperprathyroidism, it causes me appetite loss and bitter metallic taste in the mouth, you can count it too as a physical torture going on now for more than two years now, I've been enduring it for so long a time now.

It is really not a life but an existence, I am just lucky that some people loves and cares for me, supporting me all the way, that includes my friends online which is why I am really thankful to God that I am getting all the love that I can get because he knows that I do not have much in this world, all I needed is for people to love me particularly in these vulnerable times of my life. I want many mothers fathers, Aunts, Uncles, and siblings now more than ever.

I have many relatives, some are well-off in life, but the siblings of my Father doesn't really care about me and in my mother's side they are just poor and cannot do much but with "other people" here in this platform had far exceeded the support that I got from my relatives and politicians so I must say that God gave me what I am lacking in life which caused me to survive my terrible health condition until now.

I can never repay you my dear friends but I know that God himself will and behold if God would be the one repaying it will be the best grace you will ever receive if not from this lifetime then in the "true" life in heaven. May God bless all you all my friends.