The Freedom That Comes From UnSchooling!
My children are wild and my children are loud. You will know when they are happy, you will hear them singing at the top of their voices. Their happiness is so contagious. If we are out and about they will swing off trees, off lampposts and hop and skip along whilst raising their singing voice to the sky. I love to see them like this, so free and expressive.
That expressiveness takes on many forms , which is exactly how it should be. You will know when they are upset or annoyed, they can cry out loud and make a hell of a noise out of whatever they find lying around. I have to fight the urge to quieten them down, because who wants to see a child being anything but happy. I have gotten so many side glances, had so many people roll their eyes when they see my children just being themselves.
We are not happy all the time, so why do we expect children to be and why should we belittle their feelings by telling them to be quiet. I understand that is can make some people uncomfortable to hear others upset, and I also know that it can make some people really annoyed to see a child get frustrated and be allowed to 'act out' their emotions.
I encourage my girls to express themselves, no matter how they feel. If they are angry, then be angry, let it out. Let it out in a way that feels more like a release and not like an attack on someone else.
My middle daughter has found it really hard not having her father around and she gets angry sometimes, and rightly so, it is unfair that he is not here for her. I let her shout and I tell her to scream into pillows, as she has has told me that some times her screaming scares her. screaming into a pillow allows the release but with a much soften sound.
I am seriously considering getting a punching bag for the family, something we can all use and that can actually be a fun way to release anger and any pent up energy, but I do work a lot with my girls so that they feel things as they come up. Which is something that happens naturally for them, but as they get older, they lose that freedom to just be. They start to experience pressure from adults, from schools, from authority to act a certain way, 'to behave' as some people like to look at it.
My girls are very well behaved, behaved when it comes to things that really matter. They are respectful to all living things and they know how to listen to others. These are the things that are important, not forcing them to be quiet, forcing them to suppress their emotions, because it makes others uncomfortable. Just allowing them to be.
As well as encouraging them to be expressive, I have let go of my fear of holding on. Since becoming a mother, I rediscovered my inner voice and my power. Because what good is saying all of these things if you are not doing them yourself. Children like to follow, so the way that we live, the way that we interact with the world and with ourselves is so important.
My children have the freedom to be, to be who they are meant to be and so do I. Allowing our emotions to flow. I do not get upset if my girls yell at me, I know that they re just expressing themselves and how great that they feel safe enough to do so. They will always come back and apologize to me for doing so and we talk about it and hug and all is well.
We are here to be an example for our children, to lay down the foundations from which they will grow and blossom. When you give them freedom, they give the awareness and insight to take your freedom too.
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We live on the groundfloor of our landlord's house, and there is a punching bag outside. I can speak from experience, if you are truly considering one, it may be well worth the investment. Our oldest goes outside and wears herself out on it sometimes.
Yeah I really do want to get one, they are great xx
Parents have one duty which is also their one privilige: to preserve the freedom of the soul, with which their child was born. This takes protection and nourishment till they are mature (at 21ish) to take full responsibility for their soul themselves (though we all should feel responsible for eachother's soul-well being beyond all blood bonds and at all ages, on-goingly - not to be confused with controlling people's minds and manners). You fly the flag for this in all you write and in all your parenting.
thanks so much @sukhasanasister for your wonderful words and support xxx
The challenge to grow beyond needing punching bags and pillows is an interesting one - to fully FEEL and BE with that emotion, even in a quiet space where noise isn't supportive of others. The grounding of allowing them uncensored expression is a good one, and gives them a solid beginning for understanding their full, rich emotional selves. How that integrates into community and shared lives with others is always where the fun starts. LOL.
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that is very true, as they get older they learn to deal with their emotions better, my 10 year old is doing really well but my 6 soon to be 7 year old is at that very emotional time in her life where she is only just beginning to make the connection between her emotions and her actions xx
Oh how I wish I could meet you and your girls in person - I love to see kids grow up with the freedom to express themselves and express themselves in many different ways!
I would image you have lots of creative endeavors going on there too! Sounds like a wonderful life you have provided for yourself and your children!
Thanks for sharing!
I would love to meet you too @porters, thanks so much xx
It wasn't always the case but now I'll choose expression over suppression every time.
yeah glad to hear it xx
I love this! (As I already told you on WLS.) You can't beat unschooling!
that is for sure xxxx
It's funny I just wrote a post about an oppressive episode I lived when I was young, and the next thing I read is this. I am glad and grateful you exist and practice this kind of love with your children. May it continue and thrive in your lives :)
thanks so much for your words and encouragement @fenngen xx
I remember telling my girls to vent frustrations and anger on pillows. It actually took me a while to acknowledge that its okay to have that urge to let it out, just so long as they're not hurting someone else with it. It was better they used a pillow as a punch bag than their sibling.
exactly it is hold they let it out that is important xx
Great post! I like the way you raise your children cause you let them be free & apparently they appreciate the freedom. Somehow from this post I could conclude they even respect you more! 😃 Congratulation for having so much patience aside love & caring! Thanks for sharing such intimate moments! 😘
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thank you @careassakart xx
I wanted to get a punching bag for here too but there's nowhere safe to hang it from easily (unless we also get a stand or are happy to leave it in the elements). If you do get one please make sure you know how to punch properly (or optionally wear gloves and do them up tight), would hate for your first punch bag post to be about broken wrists or fingers :) They would be a great way to get out those angers though.
yes that is very important, learning how to use it correctly. Ours will have to be out in the elements as there is no space in our truck xxx
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thank you wonderful mama's xxx
This is so beautifully said! I love this! And I love to punching bag idea. I used to tell my little to go punch a pillow or scream into a plush bear. When people tell their kids 'don't cry' or 'quit crying' it aches a nerve in me! I've always been one to help my chiled express what they are feeling, honor it, and help them find ways to move passed it in a healthy way. We too have delt with the lack of father in my now 8 yr olds life and she tried...oh does she try. Calling, leaving messages, sending letters in the post, crafts, etc. She gets very meager response if any at all. It aches my heart watching her hurt from it, and at times I want her to be angry because often she holds it in and acts like 'whatever' but I know it hurts her deeply. Any suggestions on working through that? As in, not holding her emotions in? I feel I've done a decent job offering a safe place to express yet somehow it's in her nature to just hold it in. It would be much appreciated. Anyway, I'm off on a tangent. I love this post. It resonates with me.