NVC Journal: Reflections on the Need for Connection

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Communication between all living beings is indispensable. It is a process that takes many forms and, between people, has gained and lost space.

It may seem a paradox, but it is clear that communication has been distorted, degraded and even violent in many ways, including in everyday life. It is a multifactorial phenomenon, there is more than one variable at play. We gain links through technology and lose person-to-person relationships. We talk less and less to each other, but we "know" more about each other.

Nevertheless, there are many people worried about the unnatural turn that our ways of communicating have been taking and they have determined that it is necessary to reinforce the empathic part of communication, putting more attention, humility, and affection in the verbal and non-verbal exchanges to undo the violence that has been adopted and that distances us as human beings. For this, emotion is key. And this is raised by @eco-alex when sharing with us the kindness of NVC, expressed in the following terms:

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While NVC is much more than a communication model, the components below provide a structural concept of the process that leads to giving and receiving from the heart. NVC means honestly expressing how I am and what I would like without using blame, criticism or demands AND Empathically Receiving how another is and what he/she would like without hearing blame, criticism or demands.

Then, to initiate us in the practice of this conscious way of improving our internal and external relations, he proposes the following exercise:

Take a few moments to reflect and write briefly about these questions:

Describe a moment that you felt deeply connected to another person.
Where were you, and who were you with?
What were you doing? What was the other person doing?
What words, if any, did you express and/or hear the other person say?
What qualities did you experience that let you know you were connecting? Be as specific and detailed as you can be.

In other people's shoes

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Putting yourself in each other's shoes is a way to establish more balanced relationships. This has to do with empathy. It is feeling the pain or joy of others as your own. If you connect with the emotions and feelings of others, you will be able to be more compassionate and understand that we all have needs and, worth the redundancy, the need to satisfy them. In this way, empathy connects us and achieves the miracle of bringing us closer together despite physical and cultural distance and social alienation.

"Connecting" is a state of grace. It is to allow the flow of the divinity that inhabits us and to install itself at times in the other, allowing us not only to feel shared emotions but to sense what is brewing inside the other: thoughts, worries, obsessions. If you are empathic, you perceive the energy as forms of presence, not necessarily bodily. There is a lot of soul at stake.

Since I was a child I have lived with energy exchanges as a way of connection. More than talking to know, it's feeling to recognize. But, that made me withdrawn because there is "so much" outside waiting to be recognized that I lived emotions that did not correspond to me, for moments. I felt invaded in some cases by very clear thoughts of others, apprehensive feelings. This made me create a protective shell, a kind of indifferent mask so that I would not be affected so often and try to live with a low profile. That's how I spent many years of my life.

Empathy or telepathy?

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With my now second husband, I established a very strong connection or he established it with me, it depends on the optics because I was a receiver of his thoughts, which came to me so clearly that it looked like telepathy. Sometimes he was in my house visiting me and I was not there, but his voice asked me, "Where are you? You are not here," or "Come home, I am here. At first, I was surprised because I didn't expect it. The first time it happened to me, when I saw it I told him and it was true, and he was surprised that I "heard" it, but he didn't listen. So, although you are a natural empath, you are not always a good transmitter and a good receiver at the same time.

Today, I don't "hear" it, I feel like a wire broke in our connection. We're together, I love him and he loves me, but violent code has leaked like a virus into our relationship. The crisis brings out the worst in each of us and, despite our efforts, there is a frayed wire in our network.

I believe that I am a good receiver and naturally I refine my perception when I am in the "presence" of another empath. It sounds like they are different beings and, in a way, it is like that. I cannot explain it, only feel it. For example, here is Steemit, I came up with a strong connection with the poet @dpend. We never exchanged direct messages during the hundred days of poetry, but we started talking to each other through the poems.

At first, it was a recriminatory communicative form on his part, a kind of code to correct us, because he was a good teacher, but very demanding. He was a very sensitive being, he would get depressed when he didn't see in us the progress he expected, he would get lost for more than a day and then reappear, with a lighter attitude. In his dark hours, I walked in his being and felt the pressure of an exalted ego, learning the art of love. Later, I realized that he was not only an extremely sensitive being, but also a wise scholar. A boy ahead of his time.

After finishing the three and a half months of daily poetry writing, his poetry changed and so did our relationship, he kept "talking" in his poems and I made long comments on what I perceived and, at the time, he told me that he was amazed at the synchrony that united us because his poetry is not easy to interpret, but the connection established allowed me to put together meanings like a puzzle. Later on, his poems answered the concerns of my poetry, he gave me advice, he encouraged me and he even told me that I inspired him. I, an apprentice, with my poetry inspired a great poet.

Connecting with Love

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Likewise, I feel I've had episodes of empathic connection with @eco-alex. I feel his loving self hovering around me. I feel his feeling and the goodness of his soul without any demand or request. Just an inspiring peace, the state of grace of a being of light seeking to ignite the hearts it touches.

And at this point, after specifying some conscious moments of connection, I realize that this axis is necessary to surrender to the evidence that we are beings made of love and it is this love that must prevail in our ways of communicating. If we connect with our loving and divine being, we will be able to extend the network of love from one being to another being. I understand that I became self-absorbed almost all my life for fear of feeling what I could not control. Now I feel that I must think about withdrawing my knockers and giving more outlet to my inner self ... I still do not know how to withdraw lifelong conditioning, but I will try.

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By Zeleira Cordero @zeleiracordero

18/01/2020

In response to @eco-alex in NON VIOLENT COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP WITH ECOTRAIN- Join us & heal your relationships and your life. If you're interested, find out here

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Animation by @zord189

The images are from Pixabay:

Heart by congerdesign
Love by Comfreak
Tic-tac-toe by pixel2013
Puzzle by PIRO4D

Cat

For your kind reading, THANK YOU

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