Depression log 40.2.9

Sitting amongst a lovely family. They have put all the bullshit aside for the day (well, so far).

I don't know manyes of these people.
The son. The husband.a

An observation was made. 'this place has changed so much since last I was here'
"lucky you to have not to have been here on long enough for it to have changed so much"

Been here twice in the last 5 years.
It's never easy.
Another of the guests just had to go respects to 7 family members.

It's funny, I think daily of my own mortality and how I could just end it all tomorrow just because some new thing annihilated all my attempt to get ahead (eg just found out I've lost 600m rnrc tokens out of my desktop wallet. Only worth 1k doge, but a loss all the same.

Now I'm watching my besty do the eulogy. Heartbreaking to watch him falling and being one of 18 of the extras that could be inside, as the limit is 50.
I want to just kick security out of the doorway and rush in and hold him, be the rock he would be for me in those circumstances.

Lovely service. Not a dry eye in the house.
So much pain. Seems like the kids had the biggest struggle.