My Doctors are trying to kill me

in OCDlast year



My body is dying


Every year around this time, I go to the Veterans Affairs (VA) Hospital for my yearly physical and get my blood drawn and get all of my levels checked.

Over the past few years, my liver and kidney functions have been declining, and last year they both had reached dangerous levels that had the doctors concerned. Their explanation for all of this was that I was drinking too much. So last year, after the doctor told me that my liver and kidneys were starting to lose their functions, I quit drinking and didn't drink until my wife and I were in Thailand for Steemfest, and while there, I drank sparingly.

After Steemfest, my wife and I went back to not drinking any alcohol, until recently we bought a bottle of whisky and drank two times over the past two months. I just had my recent check up at the VA for this year's physical and my results came back and my kidneys are starting to fail.

This would explain a lot of my recent problems I have had over the past two years with my concentration, muscle twitches, and loss of body strength, even though I am staying active.



For those of you that aren't familiar with me, I served in the military and in law enforcement and have been through some pretty serious situations. Those situations have left permanent mental scars that I deal with on a daily basis, and the VA's way of dealing with it was to medicate me.

As I was given the results from the latest blood tests and it showed that all of my internal organs were still declining, despite the fact that I had been following their advice of pretty much quitting drinking alcohol all together and being more active (I walk around 60 miles a week), the medication they give me was the only other thing that could be causing this.

So I began to research all of the different medication they had me on and the side effects and even how they could all interact with each other, something that I had been worried about from the start, but something they didn't seem to care about. I found that most of the medications were extremely hard on the kidneys and I had been taking them multiple times a day for many years. I had even been taking one of the medications at the maximum dosage that they could give someone and if you go any higher, there was a chance of seizures, and my doctor had once told me that he thinks that we should go higher. When I told him no, he suggested another medication in its place, but I told him I didn't want anymore. They have been trying to over medicate me for a long time now.

So where do I go from here?


I have started to ween myself off of all of the medications, except my blood thinners because I think those are necessary. I would like to go cold turkey and just quit taking all of them, but I know that is not possible because stopping mental health meds is a bad idea and has to be done slowly.



I have forgotten some of my meds while I was traveling before and have had some weird side effects like brain zaps and weird mental fog where it felt that I was just floating through the day on auto pilot and I want to minimize any of those side effects.

I think it will take about 3 to 5 months to completely ween myself off of the medication safely. I am going to be going the more natural route. I will be looking more into meditation and other stuff like that. I am hoping that this whole thing will awaken my brain as well and that this brain fog can finally be lifted once and for all.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that it all made sense. If you need someone to reach out to and are having a hard time, you can always talk to me. I am just a DM or a comment away. We are all here for each other.


Shit, man. Those doctors sound stubborn.
I hope you only the best and wish you strenght!

Thank you.

These are not good news... I really hope that the process of getting rid of the medications works out for you.

 last year (edited)

Thanks homie

Ahhh my friend. My heart aches for you.

I've been through a similar but different medication situation. My liver and kidney functions were normal but I was brain dead. I really couldn't even read. I knew all the words, but I couldn't figure out how they went together. Anyway, I stopped. I eased out of some meds and just shit canned others. 15 years later it is so worth it. My poor doctor occasionally tries to give me something but if she can't give me hard and fast answers (including how long) I just won't play.

I'm here too. Anytime. I don't know if you still have my phone # but I have yours.

Thanks Tom. When all this is over, we need to get together again. It’s been too long.

Sorry to hear that buddy!
Not the same, but I stopped taking my adhd medication 1 year ago.
I wanted to see how I was, when I wasn't on the medication, but I always wanted to see what my plant-based diet have done to me.
1 year later, I am still off adhd medication and eating a plant-based diet. I have added more regular exercise, more vitamin and 1 month ago I stop with energy drinks aswell..

That is awesome to hear. I am glad things have been working out so good for you.


I believe you can do the same! Maybe with a different approach!

So sorry to hear that. That's one of the reasons why I am hesitating with taking medicine for my mental shit as well. I know my kidney would suffer. I wish I knew how I could help you without medicines.. :( I fuck life raw and it's so hard lol, but what helped me a lot is my art.. I hope that you will be in a great situation soon!

I have found that the negative side effects of the meds for long term use are not worth it. I could see if people use them for short term help, but I should have tried to get off of these a long time ago.

Aloha! There is a huge gap of misunderstanding and denial regarding the way for humans to find wholeness and balance. The mainstream medical systems fall far short in most cases. All scars, psychological, emotional and physical - can heal, provided the right process is allowed and the right understandings are gained.

I have been using methods of deep healing for many years that are highly effective and mostly unknown, however, they are not simple to explain. The bottom line though is that unconditional acceptance of real emotions and allowance of safe expression of them as sound is a necessary missing step in human health at this point and the most healing thing anyone can do. Total self acceptance is extremely powerful and when combined with the right internal intentions can trigger deep healing - however, there needs to be a holistic approach that addresses all levels too simultaneously.

Usually, there are stigmas, self denying beliefs, trauma walls and misunderstandings that prevent the right flow of energy into and through all of our parts - this fragmentation needs to end in order for us to come into balance. Careful attention to nutrition, self care and ideally some yoga/breathwork can all help. Being willing to listen to the ailing parts of yourself is important and something that the mechanistic, profit driven medicine systems have limited to zero understanding of.

I can go on and on, but will let you respond if you prefer before I do! ;)

Wishing you well!

Thanks for the awesome comment. I am going to be taking a more holistic approach with my recovery as I move forward with this. My wife has been trying to get me to do more meditation and stuff like that and I have tried it in the past, but I have always had hard times focusing, so I quit, but I think I am just going to have to force myself to continue with it until I can hopefully make it through a session though.

You are welcome. There is a lot of misunderstanding and various interpretations of meditations, it's aims and it's process. A lot of people firstly think they don't have the 'time' to do it, but then as they do it they realise that it helps them create a balance that actually results in them having more time! The other major issue I see in others is that they try to force themselves to sit still or 'quieten down'. I feel this is not helpful because for me, meditation is a journey of self learning and evolution much more than it is simply 'a way of being still'. At first it is a way of identifying how much noise is in us and how easily distracted we are.. However, often what is distracting us internally is an array of beliefs and judgements that simply aren't true. Our inner turmoil and confusion leads to a constant buzzing of thought and emotion which is not simple to stop. However, the more we are curious about the causes of our internal state, the more we can start to chip away at some of it and uncover what is at it's roots. It's a particular problem to try to pull away from emotions or just 'observe' them. I have learned that if I need to be emotional while meditating, it is very important that I allow that energy to express as movement/sound, rather than trying to force it away. The more we move and express our held emotional charges, the more calm we become organically, without the need for any kind of force or denial.

My suggestions are to focus on simply being. When you are drawn in to a part of yourself, your feelings, your body, your mind/spirit, go there and be aware of what is there. Feel everything and do what you can to be compassionately receptive to your REAL needs. Much of society's conditioning has us full of ideas about what we 'should' want or think we want, but usually we are not so clear of what we really need. It is possible to feel/hear what we really need internally and to then act on it - which can bring welcome relief! <3

Sorry to hear this. Please don't take anything for granted and be strict on what you have decided to do. Everything will be fine soon.

Thanks. I will be taking this very serious. I am sick of these meds.

I hope that your health will get better.

Thank you

Bang, even on HIVE I did it again... I just rehived your post!
Sorry, no beers or deranged or trdo yet... waiting on steem-engine to make the move to HIVE...
Check my last update here

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Thank you. It is much appreciated.

I cannot tell you what to do but I can encourage you to put your mind and your physical body in harmony and in balance.
Illnesses of the body are a product (in large part) of the weaknesses of our mind and our spiritual deficiencies.
Medications should be gradually reduced (as you say) but your mind should be aware that it is for the well-being of your body. When you can achieve this axiom you will be able to help yourself fully.

Thanks. It is going to be an ongoing process.

I'm glad to know you can be calm. Anxiety is terrible A big hug

Didn't know any of this, you seemed fine in Bangkok, though @goblinknackers thought you a little scary looking :) Hope your OK, It would be good to meet up again.

lol. I’m just a big teddy bear. Everyone should know that by now. Hopefully we can all get together for the first ever Hivefest. That would be awesome.

Sorry to hear that.
The wife of my cousin is a doctor, and she gave me this advice: Be very very careful, what drugs you take.
I know for a fact that in my country some doctors make a lot of money from the drugs they prescribe; possibly more that what they get from the consultations lol
There may be some drugs though that will help you; the point is finding which ones they are.
I would do my own research: is the best place to start from i think.

Thanks for the advice. I’ve been doing a lot of research lately into everything.

I don't know if you are already doing this, but 2 things that have massively improved my health are drinking shit tons of water every day and intermittent fasting. Especially if you have kidney issues.

I fill up a Mason jar with water (24 ounces) and drink at least 4 of them per day.... usually more. Intermittent fasting is basically eating only during an 8 hour period, and not eating for 16 hours - every day.

I eat only between 10am and 6pm. This causes your body to go into autophagy during the fasting period. It basically eats all the bad cells and garbage while going into mega healing mode.

These things plus exercise and cutting crap food out have changed my life. My blood was all messed up similar to what you are saying. Now I am down to 214 pounds from 260 and all my levels are normal. Took about 7 months and am still improving.

I have been drinking a lot of water lately. That is something that the military has always ingrained in me. I may have to try the intermittent fasting thing though. I like to eat though, but I don’t really go overboard when I do eat. These meds have really been screwing a lot of things up. I used to be in really good shape, but things went downhill after I started taking all of them.

I don't know you or your situation, but I hope you get well.

Man, doctors can be such assholes. I think that quitting that medication is the best decision you could take. Not an easy one, I am sure of it but it's definitely for the best. Be strong, get well!!!

Came to the comments to talk about the importance of water, glad you and other people are already discussing this. No medical expert at all, but know this is really important - just make sure you balance it with electrolytes (probably another of your former career's nutrition tricks!)

Its a really rough time for all at the moment, and the last thing we each need is for our regular medical ailments or issues to come to the fore in spectacular fashion, especially at the moment.

Time heals a lot, so does the way you perceive things.

Perhaps "my doctor is not aware of the interactions of each of these drugs and the impacts it has on my body" is a more positive view than "he's trying to kill me" :P

Keep us updated, as always!

Oh man I´m sorry to hear what you´re going through. I don´t know what kind of stuff you went through during military and I probably don´t want to know. I just hope you´ll find a way to get rid of these fucking drugs. I had some difficult years as well (pretty sure not as hard as your time), but I was sick and I was in a day clinic for 3 month. Nearly every day they asked if I do not want to consider start taking anything. I always declined and I´m happy I did. I saw other people taking so many pills and some of them were absolutely loosing their mind.

I once was on medication for my stomach and doctors told me I have to take this for the rest of my life. Liars, I got rid of it after taking it a few years. How? By just reducing the dose slowly.

Pretty sure you will also make it. Good Luck and all the best!

I totally agree with you doctors have shares with pharmaceuticals all about the money not your health they were doing the same to my mum till my other brother and his wife when into research mode and now my mum is on natural herbal and lots of veggies and today she is fit and well. Stay safe buddy 👍

best of luck and god speed to you and yours deranged. I do not go the VA unless I'm in crisis and then would probably go to the civilian emergency room and just show the staff my VA card, but it has to be an emergency. cheers and hang in there. ;9)

Thanks man. I try and avoid the VA as much as I can. I have only been going for my mental health appts, but they have been cancelling those on my a lot lately because of the doctors quitting here.

Well at least it looks like your have a healthy and happy family and great passion for photography and movie making... hang in there buddy ;9)