Ulog: Every Day Healing
I snapped at my kid today.
I yelled at her and made her clean her room "fast" by yelling at her, and clapping loudly, and physically moving her when she was being too slow. We did in 9 minutes what usually takes her all afternoon.
It was very unpleasant.
And I never want to do it again.
This is how I have done my healing.
I have grown from being a person who thinks a well placed smack in the mouth can solve problems, to a person who wants to give nothing but love to her children. So when I snap at a kid, I go back and see what happened, to fix it, so that I don't snap at them again.
It goes back to a Sunday Night that was not spent relaxed.
Because the Sunday Morning Sprucing didn't happen.
And the Saturday Morning Chores didn't get done.
And a Mom who stayed overwhelmed all weekend.
And didn't have the energy to parent.
So.
Last night, when I asked: "Do you have your things ready for school?" I ignored the fact that they were saying:
"Uh huh, yeah."
I let myself pretend they were saying : "Yes, Mommy."
What was I doing instead of parenting this weekend? Another habit I am leaving, arguing with my husband. Except it felt more like getting him to leave me alone, and I am sure sounded more like us BOTH arguing but I just wanted it to stop.
So silly.
I can see the cycle. My kid who got emotionally mowed this morning is going to come home and mow her brother, her brother is going to turn around and be mow the older sister, the older sister is going to demand that I "do something about it" and then when the husband calls I will be all edgy from listening to the kids bicker, and getting demanded from by the big kid, and I will remember that I am annoyed at him and boom.
There we are again. Who will get yelled at tomorrow?
Nobody.
Because I am clearing the stressors.
I am catching up on the laundry, and preparing food for the rest of the week, and making a plan and map, and making sure everybody's stuff is ready.
And I am sending positive energy to my daughter. May she realize that this morning was about me and not about her. And to her brother, may he be extra patient and kind today, to the older sister, may she have a peaceful effective day, and to the husband, may he be extra calm.
Now I am giving myself some me time, and letting everything just roll off my back.
