It's your choice

in #thoughts2 years ago

This image depicts exactly how my weekend finished last night...I took the photo at Semaphore, the beach near where I live, and we'd been there walking and swimming. It was very hot day yesterday, a sign of things to come I guess, although hot days give way to warm nights and what better place to be then on the beach with my lovely wife. It was relaxing and we felt engaged, with each other and life.

Monday has an annoying habit of coming around every seven days or so and, like every week before, this week is no different. It's almost 7am Monday morning and after a 5am wake-up, walk and some breakfast I'm just about to head into the office for an early start. I'm pausing long enough to tap out this quick post.

I don't have much to say this morning however had a phone call from a friend last night who gave me some bad news and it made me want to share something.

My friend lost his mother yesterday, she was 82. He has been estranged from his mother for almost 30 years, over a financial matter, and hasn't spoken a word to her in that time. His sister called him with the news and all of a sudden he felt a sudden desire to talk to his mum, to erase the ill-will he held for her and to make up for 30 years of silence. Of course, it's too late for that and he is quite cut-up about it.

Regret makes a poor companion I think, although it is loyal in that once it comes calling it's very difficult to get rid of. Living with regret is a terrible thing, as my friend will find out I think.

Now is not the time to raise this with my friend of course, however it was a great reminder to seek a better day today than yesterday, a better version of myself. To show kindness, humility, courtesy, gratitude, forgiveness in my friend's case...

When I leave my house today, I'm giving my wife a hug, not just the kiss on the cheek I normally would. I will tell her that I'll miss her that I'll call to let her know when I'm on my way home. I'll say, "I love you," just like every day when I leave...The thing is, we never really know if we will come home, if we will have another chance to say those things, to make amends for a stupid argument or the simple failure to say anything at all. Sometimes life takes that opportunity away.

Life is full of surprises, and not all of them are good - I value mine, and seek to live the best version possible...My friend's phone call, his predicament, was a small reminder of that. It's not for everyone though and nothing I say, or suggest, could make people unwilling to live their best life, actually do it. It's simply a choice we must all make for ourselves.

Have a great day y'all...Friday isn't far off.


Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default

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The difficult part is when you try to constantly do things to help someone, family of course, and they just keep burning the bridge. Eventually that bridge doesn’t get rebuilt. That’s the situation I am nearly at. Will it be as long that I don’t talk to them? I don’t know but it’s hard to regret when people throw their chances right in the toilet.

Hey yeah I get it completely! Really, I know first-hand. I always say...

"If something or someone is negative don't go as often and don't stay as long. If you can avoid going altogether then do that."

This goes for family too in my opinion.

Sometimes people get to a point that it is better they are out of your life. It's a brutal decision, but one I'm able to make. As long as one is comfortable with it then so be it. I've done it in the past, reversed it and reinstated it...That's part of the choice we have to make.

Thanks for your comment, it's an important thought.

First, what an amazing photo and place in which you live!
And, what a powerful message, especially at this time of year when one might send out a holiday card, or find some way in which to reach out. Now, I've said, out twice so I think that's what we are called to do, reach out with our light and shine before there's no chance left. Yes, just repeating what you've already written, but writing the comment helps me get it in my own way--a reiteration.

Thank you Kimberly, I am fortunate to live in a lovely location, and to have the motivation to step out of my door, away from the distractions of society, and into the world. I'm also glad I have a camera I can put on auto mode, point and shoot. That's what I did with this image and luckily it came out. 😬

do, reach out with our light and shine before there's no chance left. Yes, just repeating what you've already written, but writing the comment helps me get it in my own way--a reiteration.

There's no harm in repeating what I said...That's how we keep it front of mind. We all need this reminder and I got one last night when my friend called. He has a long road ahead, but he'll have regret for company I guess...I work towards making regret find someone else to pester.

Reaching out a little isn't difficult, however some find it so due to the constraints of ego, pride, hubris and fear...Many just can't express themselves. I don't have that problem, and seemingly neither do you.

Thanks for reaching out and commenting. There's so many great people here, a true collective of minds. I like it.

Have a great week K.

Gave you an upvote, but I see it's not even worth a cent today ;) Still, you know...Thanks for the well wishes and my weekend was nice.
Your friend may not take a long and slow road, but could be an epiphany for him, one in which he decides this current way simply no longer works? Yes, so easy to just stick in the ruts we're in/used to, but it's like all of those Christmas stories in which a character finally figures it out.
Forgive the clip, but it's the one that came to mind :)

Hey there, thanks for the vote...It's the thought that matters, not the value...

Yes, my friend has a long road but I hold hopes that it will have an impact upon how he approaches and travels that road. That epiphany you speak of.

Thanks for the clip and I wish you the best day you can design for yourself today.

@tipu curate

He had 30 years to talk to her that's a lot of opportunity he did not take unfortunately.☹️

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Yes, that's the gist of it. A shame for him I thin as he'll probably never forgive himself...It seems forgiveness isn't his strongest trait based on the 30 year grudge he held with his mother.

It's still Sunday in here, 2300, and I have to say that I like a lot the pic from this post. In regards of the story of this post I will say that a big ego and the stubbornness to feed that big ego, and a decision taken in a moment of anger, might transform in a bitter poison for one's soul. I have experienced on my own that grudges are not the medicine for anything. Especially for family members. Everybody makes mistakes, no exception, and everybody can forgive others mistakes, no exception. Indeed, sometimes it's too late...

Yes, ego, pride, hubris, stubbornness...All negative aspects of life that for some have deep implications. You've said it nicely and are someone who has obviously learned through your own experiences. Many don't though. Thanks for commenting.

I'm sad for that situation, what a loss.

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Yes, it's a bit sad, but a good example of a person making a choice then having to live with the implications of it. I can recall having conversations with him about it and how adamant he was that he won't speak to her again...Well, he was right...He won't. But the thing is he is very regretful. Not having the chance to say things one wants to...I wonder how he's going to deal with it.

Thanks for sharing. It makes me sad, but in a positive way.

Yes, it's a pity he wasted all those years, however we are all different and make choices in life that have to be dealt with later. He made his choice and will need to live with it.

Sound like a wonderful day overall. Beach, family, and fun always seem to go well together.

I agree...I managed to catch natures free show too...The sunset. It was a nice way to end the weekend although the dreaded Monday came around quickly and as I sit here in my office...Wouldn't mind weekend rewind!

Thanks for commenting, I greatly appreciate it.

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Hey @galenkp, here is a little bit of BEER from @axeman for you. Enjoy it!

So sorry for your friends loss, him and myself seem to have been through the same thing. I fell out with my parents over 20 years ago, we never had a relationship. I didn't find out she had died until 3 days after, i didn't feel anything and still dont. I do know i could never do that with my daughters, we argue but are soon back to speaking.
I hope your friend finds some peace, its a difficult situation for him. :(

It happens, to so many people and it's not for others to judge you know? Things happen between people, families too, and it's really only the business of those involved.

My mate is going to be ok, although he will carry that regret with him forever. I have't spoken to him but will see him at the funeral. I hope he is ok, it will be difficult for him. He's a good mate so I'll be there for him, like I would with anyone I guess.

I would never judge anyone? Every family is different and every situation is different. I was talking about my family, my mother fell out with her mother history repeated with me and my mother but i won't let it happen to me and my daughters.

Sorry, my comment wasn't meant to indicate you were judging, but I can see now how it might read that way. Not my intention though.

Your OK. I didn't take it nastly just clearing things up 😁

Ah cool...Thanks..😎

Totally awesome, my friend! An A-M-A-Z-I-N-G capture in that photo!
I am sorry about your friend's Mom. YOu are absolutely right... regret is a bad companion... and sadness is the ally of the enemy.
Take care 🥰🌺🤙

Cheers for stopping by and leaving a comment.

Yep, I think my mate will be ok, but has a long road ahead. It's raw at the moment though.

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That is a sad story. I find myself always thinking about things like that. I suppose you can take it too far in that direction as well - thinking too much about "what if" isn't beneficial either. Coping with the uncertainty of life seems to be a careful balance.

I agree with you, one can overthink it. I think history is full of people doing what my friend did, many may regret it and many may not.

I'm one who can cut people off with extreme ease and have done so many times when those people have been negative influences. That's been beneficial to my life of course, however there's always a valid reason (in my mind at least) and I weigh it up carefully first. Negativity is a cancer though and so I'm happy to remove it.

You mention the uncertainty of life and that's an interesting point. It is uncertain isn't it! I mean we just don't know what is around the next twist or turn and decisions we make now may be prudent, sensible and beneficial in the future...And of course terrible decisions when viewed with hindsight sometimes too. Finding the balance can be difficult because we can't see the future.

What is certain though Ginny, is that I got your email and enjoyed it as always. I'll respond in kind shortly however have a busy week as I'm flying on Friday for the weekend. (Tasmania to see my brother graduate as a marine engineer.)

It's always nice to hear from you, on email or steem, and I hope you've been well. Thanks for your comment also.

Yes, I have done my share of cutting people out too, although it has always been people I met along the way and not family. Maybe I have just been lucky to have reasonable family members, I don't know.

The uncertainly of life is one of the most annoying things about it. Control freaks such as myself hate it :)

There's nothing wrong with a little uncertainty I think...It's those huge things that pop up out of the blue that annoy me. I like to be in control too, to feel like I'm prepared for whatever situation may arise...But in reality we are rarely truly prepared, especially for adversity.

That photo looks like a really nice way to end the day and makes me wish we had managed to move closer to the coast like I wanted XD (but where we are is fine too)

Oof that's a long grudge, and I thought the long ones I held were long (multiple years but none have gone over 10 yet because after a few years I stop caring even if I never get around to forgiving the person or picking up the thing I had a grudge against).

But yeh I always try to tell the partner and the children that I love them especially after there have been fights/disagreements when I really don't feel like saying it XD pretty much for that reason (as much as nobody wants to think about that).

Yes, a nice sunset...Always nice watching the world displayed like that.

I don't think we stop loving people when we argue, it just takes a back seat to other emotion's. For me, like you, having an argument and then making sure they know I'm still on board with the more positive emotions, appropriate to the relationship, is important.

Your friend must have a few regrets. I can’t imagine being estranged from a parent for 30 yrs and not speaking to them in all that time.

Reading this is a wake-up call to cherish those you have and try to live your live with kindness.

I know...He just latched onto that perceived wrongdoing and held that grudge tightly for so long. A good reminder that being humble and kind is better than being prideful and stubborn.

Thanks for commenting.

Lovely photo!
Definitely cherish these moments with the ones you love. I agree, you just never know when it is too late to mend relationships. I feel for your friend. I am in a similar situation with my mother, and no matter what I do to try and mend things, it's just not good enough. It's hard to find a balance, and to know when to make an effort, and when to let go...
I hope your Monday is going well! ♥

Thanks, much appreciated.

Yes, many are in this situation. I guess part of the difficulty is knowing when enough is enough? I have been there, not with my mum, but with people and understanding when to call it quits is difficult and sometimes very necessary.

Thanks for commenting and all the best with it.

Regret makes a poor companion
Well said! and definitely the truth.

This is really quite the photo. I love the summer and love the beach. I can imagine myself there enjoying it all. I can almost see those people in your photo, moving around, hunting for whatever it is they are looking for that is now there because the tide is out. Done it myself so many times. It's winter here.. can't wait till summer again. Sounds like you and your wife have a relationship like me and mine. Take nothing for granted and enjoy every single moment!

Love it! :-)

Hey there, thanks for dropping by. Yes, living in the moment and enjoying the small things in life is our thing. We have a great relationship and enjoy each other's company. Beach days (evenings) are a great place to do so.

Thanks again for coming by and for your kind comments.

This photo is absolutely glorious and I totally agree with what you are saying 😊

Thank you, much appreciated. I like a good sunset...Here, even the bad ones tend to appeal. I appreciate your comment and thanks for stopping by.

My pleasure! I don't get to see many sunsets around here, only from HWY, lol. I would have to get up early in the morning to capture sunrise on the lake, but I am too lazy, lol.

Haha, I like a person who accepts, and acknowledges, why they can't do a thing...Too lazy! Gold! Most these days would blame someone or something other than themselves. 😂

#respect

I do have other excuses too, but I could figure something out if I really want to, lol.

There's always many more excuses...😂

You got that right, lol

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