Body Language and more.. RE: Akiroq

in steempeak •  9 months ago  (edited)

Greetings Steemians,

This is a post response to @akiroq's recent publication:

Body Language and more..

We'll start first by sharing the TED talk in this post, after which, I will share my thoughts/opinions.

My first thought in relation to the video:

"This man is a master craftsman of language."

So my intuitive response, almost instantly is:

"Prepare for manipulation."

I found myself liking him instantly, which would indicate to me, that he is indeed good at his craft. He later goes onto explaining the manipulation, and doesn't deviate this fact a single bit, in fact he gloats about it, throws it in their face, explains his "genuine" self, then get's back on track.

He's employing a trust building tactic here, by exposing the not so obvious manipulation, then saying "hey guys, I just manipulated you, and this is why..", which the pro knows will exact thoughts of "ohhhh, that's why", "ohhh he's explaining why, this makes sense..." ect.. Thoughts which will influence the receiver to trust him, so he can later plant the seed true intent behind the manipulation performance.

He even says things like "I can't believe I just said that", putting himself back down on the level of the receiver, building the rapport even further. What does it achieve to say things like this? The receiver might feel like they are dealing with a genuine person, someone who's not scripting, someone who's not perfect, someone who's not purposely manipulating them. To the manipulator, non-recognition of this component would be critical in the manipulation.

Then he uses language directly after:

"I'm just gonna ask you, just going to challenge you, just going to beg you", even adds emphasis on beg. It's interesting to consider the plot he has built, along with his delivery in words. His body language at the end even emulates what he has taught to his audience. Almost as if to test them, or mock them. This would be entirely dependent on his intent.

Then says:

"I need you to be more inauthentic with each other today."

He wraps it up by suggesting going against your intuition "Choose behaviors beyond your natural instincts" in this inauthentic way will open up more opportunities in life.

Most intriguing was how much I liked his delivery and performance. It wasn't until the end when he suggested something which sounds preposterous to me that I started questioning this video a bit.

  • I feel that intuition is very important to our existence, and if a little voice says "don't go near that scary man", that you should indeed listen to that little voice! (my opinion anyway)
  • Inauthentic. If anyone is curious why being inauthentic is not cool, feel free to ask me in the comments. I say look within. Would you want someone to be phony with you? If the answer is no, then measure accordingly how you should present yourself to others.

Photography by @akiroq,Pixabay

To address some thoughts of Akiroq's:

"In order to survive socially, at least as much as I am capable of, I have had to learn many of the things that come naturally to the average person (neurotypical)."
I've had to try and learn:

  • How I am supposed to react to others, so I don't ostracize myself from the group or society.

  • What people are trying to convey with various nonverbal communication.

  • What their intent is.

  • How I am supposed to act.

If you can discern with any amount of measurable accurateness what information a person is trying to convey with nonverbal communication (aside from what you can gather with verbal), and come to a conclusion of what the intent is, then choosing how to respond/re-act in these moments should become a bit more clear.

The problem I find, is that it's difficult to measure with consistent accuracy, because everyone is unique, and oftentimes it's difficult to measure the genuineness of the person you are dealing with. If they are not genuine, and are being dishonest, then it could become easy to confuse the intent if you are not able to discern this very crucial/critical aspect.

The real conundrum comes when you have to make a choice..

Does acting in accordance to what you feel authentically put you in danger? Offer the likeliness of awful results?

And what if it does.....

Then what do we do? Do we act inauthentic , as to manipulate the situation to the desired result?

Many people will take option 2, even if it goes against their moral compass, and this man is not only suggesting to do that, he's also suggesting it will open up a world of opportunity to be inauthentic and go against your instincts.

It's easier to take the inauthentic route, manipulate the situation for the desired results, and plaster a smile even if it's not a real one, but I think we do ourselves a disservice by living this way. It reminds me of this conversation we had some days back Discussions continued. RE: Akiroq and Logiczombie, where a group of veterans all admitted to behaving just the way we are talking about here, while completely and fully, cosigning each others bullshit with knowing laughter and lightheartedness.

It's interesting to consider what the word act even means..


If we are act-ing, we are not be-ing. imho..

We cannot simply ignore the shackles of the system though can we? Where certain severe consequences exist, which influence humans to further disconnect from their moral compass. I think this is the sole nature of these "buffer" videos so-to-speak.. Misery enjoys company, and if everyone cosigns each others bs, it offers a dilution to the madness so we can all ingest this poison together and ignore those little questions that linger in the minds of those who care to "ask".

Eye contact:
There was a time when I never wanted to look anyone in the eyes. It made me extremely uncomfortable. It was completely unnatural.

lol, probably because you are actually reading body language at a more functioning level, and are made uncomfortable by the micro-expressions you're picking up, which influence your subconscious to know the truth about what is in front of you..

So now, I was left with a complex problem:
-When should I be looking people in the eyes?
-When is it appropriate?
-When isn't it appropriate?
-Who should I be looking in the eyes?
-For how long?
-How long should the spaces between be?

3 second intervals is what I heard, and I have actually counted and tried this with people. They will not know you are counting intervals, I promise you, unless maybe you start silently counting with your lips. Lately I have just adopted what feels comfortable. If I want to look at someone I will, but if they are creeping me out then I will happily look at the wall or look up towards the ceiling. You will get some interesting responses if you look at the ceiling while talking to people.

Understanding Intent:
There was a time when I naively thought that people meant what they said and that what they said also conveyed their intent.
To this day, I still don't understand why people can't just say what they mean. Or, why they can't convey their intent using words.
I have been near panic-stricken many many MANY times in life because I could not for the life of me figure out what people actually wanted.

It becomes more tough to read intent when society promotes being inauthentic!

Socializing and Relationships:
To this day, I have an extremely difficult time figuring out why people are talking to me.
Are they:
-Trying to be polite, inclusive?
-Just being kind?
-Promoting an agenda? (examples: religious, sales, political)
-Just making conversation?
-Desiring friendship?
-Desiring a relationship?

I try not to think too deeply into this. I figure we are a social creature, with only a fraction of our cognition's happening consciously, so hey... The person talking to you might not even know themselves why they are talking!

My body language:
As you can probably guess, seeing how I can't naturally read other people's nonverbal communication, I don't convey the correct or appropriate body language to others.
In short, I act weird(Add in my stimming and it's a freakin' clown show, on the real!).

Considering I understand you very well, and don't find anything weird about you, it must be everyone else that is weird. 🙂

This leads me to the point of all of this:
The point is not to throw a label in your face(or for me to hide behind a label). For me, it's more about my reality than any label. I am living this reality.

As a society, as individuals:
-Can we be more self-aware?
-Can we stop playing so many games?
-Can we be more honest?
-Can we be more direct?
-Can we stop making so many assumptions?
-Can we understand that the way we see things, may not be the way they are?
-Can we be a bit more compassionate?
-Can we be more inclusive?
-Can we look at the bigger picture?
-Can we look at the implications and outcomes of our behaviour?
When it comes to people who are different:
-They are not less
-Different is not wrong
-They still deserve respect
-They still deserve love
-They still deserve friendship
-Please don't hold their differences against them, it's not personal

"For me, it's more about my reality than any label. I am living this reality."
Just imagine how much more human be-ings would be, if we less focused on labeling ourselves in this play act personification!


I loved your post @akiroq,
It really got me thinking about humanity, and I think the questions you posed at the end are questions people should be asking themselves every single day. We need to take a look at where we are heading as a species, and decide what it is we want for ourselves. We won't get there if we cannot understand each other efficiently, and with a level of authentic genuine compassion for each other.

Much love,

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I can relate to this so much.
I realized soon after beginning to work professionally with kids "on the spectrum" (in quotes because aren't we all on a spectrum?) that I related to them and understood them better than I do to "neurotypical" people. Only a few years earlier, in high school, I carried a keychain that read, "Normal people worry me."

The reason is this inauthenticity.

it's difficult to measure the genuineness of the person you are dealing with.

You can't. And I am unwilling to try. If the person I am dealing with wants to mask their true feelings and expects me to guess what they really mean from subtle cues too bad, I won't. That person wastes a perfectly good opportunity to just say plainly what they mean. Why communicate anything else?

A person is either genuine, or they aren't. Truth isn't a spectrum.

Inauthenticity isn't the same as being aware of my internal state and how I'm engaging with others. If I'm stressed and it's nothing to do with you, I don't have to show it to you. I might take a deep breath and try to let it go. If I can't, I might confess to you that I'm stressed right now, and either ask for some time to process or do my best to shift gears. If I'm worried, I can be honest about it without hyperventilating and getting you nervous too. That's self-mastery, not inauthenticity.

Obviously people who practice inauthenticity are a pet peeve of mine. At best, they're playing some weird status game that I want no part of. At worst, they're liars. No thank you. Not interested in pleasing those people.

Gonna have to hop over to @akiroq's blog now for a read!

Posted using Partiko Android

Hi @wholeself-in,

It's nice to see you :)

You raise a great point here that I didn't consider while writing this. I guess it flew over my head a bit, but it's very obvious to me that when you say:

A person is either genuine, or they aren't. Truth isn't a spectrum.

This is completely logical and rational. It would be irrational to think someone could be, say 75% genuine.. Either you are truthful or you aren't. A half truth is still a WHOLE lie right?

I might confess to you that I'm stressed right now, and either ask for some time to process or do my best to shift gears. If I'm worried, I can be honest about it without hyperventilating and getting you nervous too. That's self-mastery, not inauthenticity.

I can identify plenty of times in my life where taking a "breather" so-to-speak, would have yielded better/more efficient results in the end. I've become better at taking a step back for processing time, but it's continual work of course. If you can do this easily, then that is definitely you, being a mature master of your emotions!

Obviously people who practice inauthenticity are a pet peeve of mine. At best, they're playing some weird status game that I want no part of. At worst, they're liars. No thank you. Not interested in pleasing those people.

I like to believe the truth always comes forth in one form or fashion eventually, and these deceptive inauthentic types live a sad existence in general. I too want no part of interacting with them, but it's also unrealistic to think that I won't be faced with them over and over again. Sad truth to that, but I also like to believe I'm good at spotting them. It's tougher online, but people tend to air their dirty laundry without even realizing it sometimes.

Thanks for stopping by and providing your insight @wholeself-in :)

Wow. That's a lot to digest but there is certainly some great info in there.

I'm one of those folks that has trouble with eye contact in conversation...that's for sure.

Posted using Partiko Android

Hello @futuremind, how are you doing? I enjoy your writing about body language, sir. In my opinion body language is an expression that cannot be fooled. Body language is a reflection of our feelings and attitudes. Enjoy your day, sir.

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words @elianaelisma

Have a great day miss.

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