The Mental Pain Of Living A Borrowed Or Unprecedented Life. (My True Life Story)

Image taken with my mobile phone

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Ten years ago I could categorically say I was in the gutters, battling serious life issues. My parents were living like cats and dogs they couldn't seem to agree on anything and most of the decisions they actually took had a lasting effect on the growth of me and my brother. Marriage was an institution they didn't prepare well before they got in. There was a whole lot of ignorance, secret and mistakes of which they were culpable for and even when they say it isn't so right to wash one's dirty linen in the sun, the only way sometimes to get rid of the mental pain that comes with such an experience is actually talking about it. I can't physically remember everything that happened to me as a 12 year old, but I have grown and matured as a man and have come to understand that most of the things that determined the core person I became was actually because they had taken that decision for me earlier themselves which of course i deem selfish, wicked and preposterous.

Many of us didn't have a rosy childhood but in most cases the social media makes us feel so bad about it. So many years ago I was actually rebuked by someone who I told that I didn't see mother's or father's day as an iconic day to be celebrated and they said I should appreciate the gift of life Inasmuch as one can control the people who births them, the society often frowns at it when we say we hate or detest the people who gives birth to us simply because they feel it is not humane enough, the society's rule is that we should be grateful for the gift of life, but shouldn't we also be cut some slack for the circumstances through which some of us lived these lives? What is the gift of life if we can comfortably unlock all the features that's a standard for normal existence or normal living? And in all honesty I'm actually not talking about materialism because sometimes they are things that dents the upbringing of a child up to adulthood and ruining every chances of them having to have a successful and fulfilled life.

Because of the actions of my parent, I fear having to have a child and put it through everything I've been put through, sometimes the mistakes of other people brings a sort of reality check and even when we can beat our chests to say "we're not that type of a person or people" can we trust ourselves to actually go through similar experience where people have categorically messed up and come out in flying colours? The answer is no! There's nothing I've done at an early stage of my life and after Many observation I've seen that most of my dogged perseverance is this reason why I even attempt to do things at a penultimate stage in my life rather than not even attempting at all. I've believed in God all my life as well because like I said earlier, my life has been a miracle and if I relate the bizarre and difficult things I've had to undergo and come out despite all odds you'd agree with me that my life has been a miracle.

Life should be cyclical, we must respect the whole process of decision making else we'd ruin the next person who could have been in a better position to make better decisions. So when we ruin our chances it means that we are ruining the next person who could give another person a chance to make better decision and it becomes a cyclical implosion of the highest order which could cause a paradox of errors, a paradigm shift that brings Shame, tears and agony. I find myself in the state because my parents have ruined every opportunity I have at giving someone else a better opportunity at being a better person in life. At this state I believe There's God's plan for me else I'll have no reason for life. As a lot other people they blame God for the things that happens In their lives and I find this really erroneous. Now look at this: someone said if God Is alive why would he allow things like famine, war and prejudice happen? But the real deal here is that we often tend to concentrate the blame on God when we can't come to terms with the fact that we have messed up with a natural order and it has become a cyclical process of which has come back to haunt us.

In conclusion: I didn't mean for this post to become so long but sometimes we are carried by the reverberations that occurs deep inside the soul. I am living the life I am living and while this post is not to sulk and complain, it is a reflection of the various observations that I have come to make about myself. some things are alien to me and one of them is enjoying the process of a beautiful tutelage of the right Parenthood. There's this inability to go past a particular limit in life and one of the most painful thing is having to live a life that wasn't really chosen by you. I'm in my mid twenties and I've done everything in my life so late even when I've put in a lot of effort not to that, there is a pulley a constraint that's already installed in place to bring me back to reality check. I'll like to end by saying I'm still living this life but the pain of living it is enormous.

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Interested in some more of my works?

The Big Issues With "Faking It Till You Make It"

Consumerism And Spending From A Strange Point of View

Your Experience Is "Money", Feeling Free To Sell?

The Fruitfulness Of Taking Actions Immediately We Make Decisions

Waking Up "Undead". (An Original Poetry)

Understanding Obtainability And Unobtainability In Our External and Internal Societies

The Dilemma That Comes With Condoling The Act Of Betrayal

Life Goals 101: Building Character In Place Of Noteriety/Popularity

Erling Haaland : Making The Case For Manchester United's Missed Opportunity

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My name is @Josediccus, a young Nigerian student who is a Dtuber, 📷 Psychologist, Poet And Sports Writer/Analyst. I'm using my contents as a process to create shared meaning as well as create expressions through which people on/off steem can relate. I believe content is a process to be enjoyed and relished and I'm up for any collaborations in my field stated above. Cheers

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@Josediccus, your brother in pen and video 📷

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I'm hoping to reach more people who are broken at heart and spirit, so share on any platform or resteem

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