Flash Play #27

Cambridge, Sapphire, Chuck, Charlize, Melanie, Petunia, Billangela, Mrfle, Stephanie, Patrice, Patricia, Kyle, Monica, Susan, Susan, and Susan and Suzanne all wait in line, waiting. Some have camping chairs to sit in. Some crouch. Most stand.
Charlize: Boy, what a line, huh?
Melanie: Last year, I waited for 16 hours. I think we might break the record.
Petunia: Competing for most rabid fan, eh?
Mrfle: Well, I think that … um… guy at the front automatically wins.
Petunia: Because SHE has the front position?
Mrfle: Oh. She, or he. Whichever. Yeah. We can all just go home if that’s why we’re waiting.
Stephanie: Well, we wouldn’t be actually rabid fans if we were just waiting for the sake of winning a competition to be declared the most rabid fans. We’d just be fans of being declared the most rabid fan if that were the case.
Patrice: And, ultimately, by virtue of being unable to gain the recognition of being first in line, we are probably more likely to be rabid. His… her devotion is tainted by her… his reflected fame.
Kyle: I painted my face. That must count for something.
Monica: It seems like face-painting just means you want people to think you’re the most rabid. It counts for something, but is it as pure as the fame of a quietly loyal fan?
Susan is silent.
Susan notices Susan’s silence.
Susan: Hun, are you competing by being quietly loyal?
Susan ignores her. Susan and Suzanne shrug.
Susan and Suzanne: Us, too… I guess.
They notice that they’re speaking together and it excites them.
Susan and Suzanne: Nature… General Tso’s Chicken. Ver...anada. Veranda! Green Breakfast! Fuzzy water critter!
They giddily embrace and thrill!
Susan and Suzanne: Columbine. Oh. That brings me down!
The “Oh” ruins their enthusiasm, but as they speak “That brings me down” They get progressively more excited again!
Monica: If you’re excited about being in line, you’re not a fan!
Chuck: Something’s happening back there.
Sapphire: Probably a count. I think the cut-off ends just behind them.
Cambridge: Please, oh binding and promising energy that influences all things, let them have enough friendships for everyone.
Enter Pragma, Philia, and Storge. They sing a show-stopping number and everyone dances and hugs, and gets the audience to dance and sing the chorus and everybody is so damn happy because lines are about shared experiences and love and love and love. And soon no one is first. Billangela is at the center of a cinnamon roll that includes the entire audience and cast and crew, and sings a solo while being gently squeezed.