Being a Wellness and Eco-moron
I remember one time a co-worker was smoking a cigar and I joked on her by saying: "taking a healthy break are we?". I had never talked with her regarding health issues but she must of overheard me talking with other people about my vegan diet (though I don't do this for health reasons but most people assume so), how I avoided processed foods and how the Earth gave us the best of the best but we insist on turning it into poison for our bodies.
Well, her answer was clever and thought-provoking. She said: "you're so healthy you sicken me". She might of said it from spite, or perhaps a deeper wisdom. I chose to see the deeper wisdom and concluded that she made a point, as "health" can sometimes turn into a comparative word.
I have to recognize. I often find myself looking down on people because of their unhealthy habits and also because of their environmentally damaging behaviors. I close up socially and spiritually to them as if they weren't as much part of the divine creation as me. This is an extremely tough issue to work around as a part of me wants to stop it, but another wants to reserve my energies to finding more like-minded people who can become support instead of slowing down my goals for healing myself and the planet.
But I always end up realizing the joke is on me. Because I don't exist and neither does this planet. Or maybe it exists but its destiny is completely off my hands. If we are digging our graves with unsustainable and unhealthy ways, the planet will probably restore itself way faster than we could ever have achieved in our petty lifetimes. So it doesn't make any sense to waste the short-lived memory span of this fragile ego in judging others.
What point does it serve for me to talk about health, the benefits of a specific diet or how to be more eco-friendly if it just puts in this constant awkward situation where it becomes obvious that to some people I am just an annoying little bug who won't stop buzzing sounds they don't want to hear in their ear?
And when I realize this I become resentful of them, their families, their activities, society in general. I become resentful and lust the power to change everything even if force is needed.
It gets worse when I become attracted to someone, but that person is just everything I'm not. I want to transcend, to experience love without judging, but oh fuck!!! Look at her just munching happily on that corpse! Look at her smoking those animal-tested cigars! Listen to her talking about how much she likes that fossil-fueled piece of shit with wheels!
Fuck me. Is tolerance really a keyword in this morbid existence? I swear, if the Universe keeps testing me like this I'm gonna become a fucking cannibal. Because seriously, I'd rather eat a human than an innocent little lamb or a friendly cow. And will anyone have any tolerance with me if I go for such a mind-bent idea?
Why did I have to develop empathy towards animals? Damn it! I was raised in the countryside with people who make a living off butchering animals. Why me? Make me gaze into their eyes and see a Soul inside? Make me cry with their pain? And now fucking demand that I respect my fellow humans who don't give a shit about all the consequences of eating my non-human brothers and sisters.
Why do I think life demands it? I left the town where I lived two years ago because I needed to find like-minded people (vegan and into regenerative agriculture so that we could team up and do something about this) and been traveling for two years from town to town. I've met hundreds of people and guess what? Only one vegan and a few into regenerative agriculture. Not one person that was into both or cared enough for me to feel I had found someone who I could work with.
Instead, I keep meeting the same pattern of people: excellent human beings to those of their species, horrible beings to the rest of life in the planet. And I realize that it will keep happening until I give it up. I have to let go of the judging moron in me, accept he wasn't right and that I am the one hurting the most from this mindset. That doesn't mean changing whatever habit I might consider positive, but letting each to their own.
I really want to feel like before. When I would sit with anyone and talk about anything and not be constantly spotting the inconsistencies of their speech. Because lately that's all I do. Spot the millions of wrongs a people can express in a sentence. And don't think I don't spot my own. Don't think that I know this text is full of crap. But I can't help it, I need to write it, express it, publish it and make sure I'm no longer hiding it. It has to lead somewhere...
Life is such a wicked little game. It likes to make you feel safe at times so you can play around pretending you know what's what. And then bam, it just smacks you around telling you that you know nothing. But I'm going to try and stick with that thought: "I know nothing, I know nothing, I know nothing, I know nothing, I know nothing, I know nothing..."
I can so relate to this, I try my hardest not to be judgemental as well, a lot of the people who I know around here are not vegan and don't treat the earth the same way I do, they have very different values. I understand that we are all on our own path, but like you sometimes I just want to be working with people who are respectful towards all other living beings and the earth, I really crave that sometimes. But we are a minority, for now anyhow. What is important is to accept people for where they are at, we are not here to change anyone, but to be the best of who we can be and hopefully inspire some folk along the way xxx
We should build a community based on permaculture and vegan principles. Why do dispersed all over the world? :/ Someday it'll happen, it's the dream I work every day for.
Thanks, I like that!