Dear Future Husband, When it Comes To Size, You Are Focusing on The Wrong Object

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(Edited)

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pic by Fabio Pelegrino at pexels

If you are here to listen to me tell you that size matters.

You are right. You are reading the right article.

"Oh my lola! This guy sucks, but it's so big. I'm gonna stay." Said no self respecting girl. Ever.

In my head.

I love that you open the car door for me and find it super cute that you freak out everytime you see bugs in the house. I don't mind reminding you not to be dramatic everytime you call for me at the first sight of a bee minding its own business, on the wrong side of the kitchen window.

There is just one thing, I wish you weren’t so obsessed with the size of your dingilingy-thingy. I honestly think it’s the most perfect thing. It has the magic to bring a gorgeous human into this world and its capable of making me scream with pleasure.

In my head, it’s the most perfect creation ever. During the deed, I’m not focusing on anything because how can I focus when my head is all over the place, because I’m feeling what I can’t describe, in a nice way.

That said, there are a few things on your person that I especially prefer when big. No, not big, super-humongous. Things like, your heart.

May it always have room for love. Your optimism, may you never run out of it. Your smile, may its sources be forever abundant. Your wealth. Yes, actual physical golden wealth is very welcome but right now, I'm refering to the wealth of your knowledge.

May the wells of your knowledge never run dry. Big kindness too is a must. Long story short. I hope you have a really big heart. Hope, because I'm really not planning on getting married. At least not by a long shot. More on that later.

In fact, if I could order a husband from mcDonald's, I would want him to come with an extra feature of useful muscles. Useful enough to lift groceries and other heavy lifting around your own home.

The type of muscles that don't come from the gym, but rather from being so kind enough as to volunteer to mow an elderly neighbour's lawn, or growing your own food. That's a big heart.
These are the big things whose size actually matters.

The problem with kings.

Ask any self respecting modern man and they will tell you. "I'm a king. I need a woman who will recognize that and treat me like the king I am."

Being with a king is good and all. There is nothing wrong with being one. You see? My problem exactly. There is nothing to see here. I don't wanna be the girl with the king. With the okay, no problem guy. In fact, I have no interest in kings.

I want an Emperor. The kind of guy who tells all the other kings what to do. There is another problem that comes with this. There are not many "available" emperors in the world today. So, I've made peace with the fact and I'm content recognizing that.

Long story short, you can have the world's longest dingilingy-thingy, but if you ain't nice. It becomes just another shtick on a shmuck.

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Pic by Pixaby



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12 comments
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inner qualities > outer qualities

but seems like we need all of life to realize it :)

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Amazing post. I really enjoyed it. @ryzeonline sent it to me because he recognizes the awesomeness of this post.

Writing this is a great way to attract the one you want... I like how you spell out exactly the big things you want from a man...a big heart and big kindness are amazing blessings.

I want an Emperor. The kind of guy who tells all the other kings what to do. There is another problem that comes with this. There are not many "available" emperors in the world today. So, I've made peace with the fact and I'm content recognizing that.

There are available emperors but maybe it wasn't the right time for you to meet them? Maybe writing this will call more into your life. Either way this was an epic post and I appreciate it. Well done!

~Love, Cyn

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(Edited)

Hi @cynshineonline. Thank you for reading through my post. I'm honoured you enjoyed it. I should hope not to meet a future husband through my article lol. I think it would just kill my creativity as a writer if I feel like there are eyes reading my stuff with different intentions to mine. Besides, my applications office for any potential suitors is closed indefinately due to deliberately engineered circumstances😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Even my local postal service is also not working. I'm happily single tbh and I'm loving every minute of it. That said I hope my article is useful to both men and women. I hope it helps the reader know whats really important in a partner. BTW, thanks to you and @ryzeonline for sharing my article. I'm hoping to power up soon so my votes for others are worth something more tangible.

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lol 🤣 keep doing you, @miss-p , wishing you lots of joy and success in your Hive journey! 🙏

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I'm happy that you're happy. It's what I wish for everyone. And I really enjoyed the post. Thanks again ❤️

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Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:

Feedback from the July 1st Hive Power Up Day - ATH Volume record!
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I like to think my stellar personality totally offsets the barbaric baseball bat I swing when I walk... Right? :D

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Dear @klye. You are absolutely right😂😂😂😂

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(Edited)

:P I was half worried after posting this that you might take it as me being some type of moronic pervert.. When in reality I couldn't help but to make a dick joke after reading the intended (or percieved) innuendo tone of it all.

Either way. Gave you a follow and vote. Keep up the hilarious shitposting. :D

(For the record I am a moronic pervert, but all for the lulz, human procreation and whatnot is god damn gross.. All sticky and squichy and whatnot.. Absurd so many chase after it as they do lmao)

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Also.. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*makes angry king noises wearing his MS-paint gold crown *

How dare you question how kingly that XY chromosome makes me! Terribly foul mouthed and minded e-wench! Where in the hell do you get off on sayin.... * Stops and Actually goes and reads what your wrote *

Uh, well, uhm..
Fuck..

I just read the paragraph and you're allowing my my kingship fallacy unchecked?

Now THAT is a trait of a good woman to let obvious jackasses their own little kingship fallacy in their head. <3

Well shit, in that case it's customary in my completely fictional/delusional internal version of reality for me to proclaim you as one of my many e-wives on here and add you to the harem of HIVE based wonder women I've collected met disturbed liberated from their current happy lives to be neglected by me in all husbandly ways on here over the years. Welcome to my totally imaginary harem, you are a fine addition!

Completely open relationship though, I can't be arsed to even try to keep ya'll happy so please take a boyfiend or ten for your own harem.. Because lord knows besides sprinkling you with terribly off colour humour at random intervals I'll completely fail in all aspects of keeping you happy otherwise. :D

...

You do raise some good points here though in all seriousness.. Even being blessed with my boyish good looks, incredible wit, impeccably horribly dark sense of humour and somewhat disproportionate "swinging pipe" like the guy who played super mario in the fucking terrible live action Super Mario Movie... Once they realize I'm the male version of a trophy wife minus the whole wanting to show me off to friends part and way more fucking moody than most people on a bad day... lol

I guess that doesn't matter anymore though, Your down to earth husband attracting shitpost netted you this magnificent and "perfectly balanced" husband king on here. Sadly I'm not as hairy nor fit as the hunk of main meat in the first picture though.. So I guess welcome to the kingdom of disappointment. XD

<3

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