Lessons in Adulting
Adulting is hard, damn hard.
Part of raising children is teaching the adult child to face up to the consequences of poor choices and deciding to allow them to suffer the consequences of their own financial decisions.
Sometimes the best decision parents of adult children can do is to draw the invisible line in the sand and say this decision is yours.
I know it's difficult to say no to a request, especially a financial request, but the time comes that the futility of words becomes evident. We can talk, cajole, debate and explain what needs to be done, but nothing speaks louder than I can't fix this one. My funds are exhausted in other areas and you will need to sort this one out without me.
If you have been forthcoming before for similar financial requests you will inevitably face some backlash when you stand your ground and refuse financial support this time, but the end result should be better choices going forward. Nothing forces us to grow up quicker than a pressing financial need which we are 100% liable for.
This choice typically will make the adult child begin to seriously evaluate their true needs alongside of their wants. I need a working car as opposed to I want a newer car. I need a place to stay apposed to I want a bigger place to stay.
If you get beyond high school and move out on your own eventually you need to learn how to budget. Wants are secondary to real and immediate needs for survival.
We can scale down expectations, learn how to reduce expenses and get creative with cutting grocery bills and redundant expenses.
I learned as a single mother just how thin I could stretch my budget and lived modestly for many years by going without wants and repurposing as often as was possible to get through college. It can be done.
My sons and I wore many hand-me-down clothes, budgeted food, ate in and didn't buy much of anything new that we could buy second hand.
I consolidated travel so I could save transportation costs. We would forgo a lot, even kept heat low in the winter, to pay the bills.
This is nothing new, but so many kids are having a difficult time making ends meet and although there is always a time we should lend a hand to help out, it is imperative that in helping others, including our adult children, that we put the burden on them to stand on their own as long as they have the health and resources to do so.
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Well said and nearly every parent's goal. They can always come home for free vacay meals as long as they want to though.
That's a fact, @owasco! I miss them all 🤗
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You're so right. I don't have kids but I do have two profligate siblings.
You're so right. I don't
Have kids but I do have two
Profligate siblings.
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There comes a time when children are responsible for their destiny. Very good thoughts friend @wandrnrose7.
I can't begin to explain how much I relate to this. The struggle of balancing what I believe is motherhood which to me is being a friend while being a mum is too tricky. This journey is not for the weak! Sigh.
You're so right, @tezmel 🤗
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I totally agree with you. I helped out many through my entire life. I had less but gave and it always worked out negative. The only thing you teach is they can always knock on your door if they cannot paty the bill. They do not change, will never have a closer look at their priorities, what is needed most. For the same reason I no longer give to many aid organizations. After all these years nothing came out off it. People count on it you solve their problems. My children never asked me for help. We automatically offer help if needed but each of them have low life standards and wishes. We still wear and drive second hand and do not heat the house and sit in the cold as long as possible.
I noticed those in need always live better as I. Good and plenty of food, new clothes, hair dresser, holidays out, parties, smoking, drinking but no miney to buy the rent or pay of their debts. If you refuse you are a scrooge but the other way round they never help you out.
Enjoy your weekend.
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Well said @wakeupkitty. Thank you for the well crafted comment to this post. Giving is a delicate balance that we must weigh for the good of the persons requesting assistance.
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@wandrnrose7 Indeed. Wise words. If the raising and understanding did not came during the childhood we have to do it during the adulthood and not let ourselves be manipulated in the name of love, motherhood, family, friendship or because our crib stood in the Western world.
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