Going Batty

Nearing the end of August and I really thought I was going to get lucky this year. After reading that first sentence most would assume I was talking about finding a man or getting laid but I never have as much luck at that as I do with having a bat find entry to the house some way. As a matter of fact if I had as much luck getting laid as I do with bats finding their way in my avatar would have to be changed to a smiling face as that's all I'd be doing.

I am sitting here late into the morning hours blogging away when I hear a ruffling sound coming from the window on the side of my house, then I hear fluttering flapping sounds. I am like "shit, that sounded just like a bat flutter". That window is a really old style window that opens falling inward with a chain that stops it in place. It doesn't have a storm window just a screen. I can't reach it from the outside to remove the frame. Last year I took a glue gun and glued a couple spots along the edge where it was coming loose. I figured maybe some of the glue softened from the heat and somehow a bat came in. When I looked around I didn't see a bat so I went back to blogging. A couple minutes later I see something in my peripheral vision, I look up and sure as can be there's the bat. I dunk my head, he flies out of the room and within moments he comes back in. He flies directly at me so I ditch myself down to the floor. He goes out again then comes back and flies at me again. The only thing I have to block his sonar is a pillow on my chair so I grab that. We play this game for three, four minutes, he flies out then comes back in at me. There was a couple of "whoa" moment close calls, he was being quite aggressive in getting close to me. I reach up on my desk for the phone and call my son next door. Usually it's the other way around he's calling me...they had more of a bat problem because it took me awhile to finally figure out how they were getting in over there. It wasn't just that they too had a bad screen on a similar type window, or they went out the back door at night into the yard and left the screen door propped open, but when I put in the new hot water heater I put in a electric one and forgot to plug the gas outtake into the chimney. It was during a inspection of the furnace system that the guy pointed out it should be capped otherwise he said you may find yourself getting some bats in the house. No kidding I replied...(light bulb goes off) He's more scared of bats then I am or it could just be that "well somebody has to step up here" kicking in. This bat's aggressive behavior and the fact he commandeered the hallway left me with the feeling I needed someone else around in case it actually attacked me.

My son said give him a few minutes to get awake so in the meantime I decided to crawl over and get the bat cape. That's a hooded jacket I keep around to put over my head before tackling bat issues. I wait for him to fly in then back out and I close the bedroom door. I put on the cap then decided since I had a lot of exposed skin to put a robe over my shirt and shorts. How we generally operate is with trying to get the bat to exit the house instead of creating a bloody bat mess. The only time our focus is on killing a bat is when it's too stupid to make an exit granted it, is aggressive or turns around and comes back in by whatever entry way it found. Usually I'll open windows or doors depending upon where we are trying to get the bat to exit then he takes a blanket and blocks their sonar forcing them into a room with an open window or door, I usually am on standby keeping the bat from going from downstairs to upstairs or visa versa with my bat board, an old heavy duty styrofoam swim board. It's rare to have to actually kill one but we've had our times, usually I end up knocking the bat down with the board then he ends up taking care of the kill, disposal while I do cleanup and sanitizing.

Last summer I did find myself having to do the kill, it was heart-wrenching to see him laying there looking at me with those innocent looking eyes. I found myself apologizing while telling him he just found an impromptu time to get in my way. My son had already called me, he had the kids shut in one room and he found refuge in the bathroom after trying to confront what he said was an aggressive bat. I went over there to take a look. The bat was doing a few spins around the dining room. I told him he could come out and get a blanket while I went to get the bat board which happened to be in the basement that time. I get down there and a bat flies past me. I am thinking there's just no way that bat found his way past a closed basement door then found an opening in the wall to get over on my side in that short amount of time. I knew he wasn't going to try and bring the kids out of the bedroom next door while we dealt with this bat. I had no choice then to step up for the kill. He came flying towards me so I swung at him, he dodged over top of the board. This goes on for a couple minutes, it's almost like he's enjoying this. Playing some sort of missed again game. I then decide to stand off to the side with the board above my head and as he comes flying through again I bring the board down on top of him knocking him cold to the ground. I pick up a shovel, apologize to him before striking him a couple times. It wasn't a good feeling at all. I goes next door and we work that bat out the kitchen door.

With this current bat I am now standing in the bedroom all caped and robed up, I know I have to find the courage to go out there and face him. I open the bedroom door and I hear all this commotion going on. The hallway is dark and I can't see what's going on but I assuming he meant up with "snippy" my long haired part Siamese cat. She didn't earn the nickname "snippy" by being nice either, despite her age there isn't much she won't take on. She is the trapeze of cats if there's really such a thing, she walks the banister with a lot of skill. I think once she saw the bat she got up there and gave him a good swipe, one good enough to knock him into a kitchen size trash can sitting at the top of the steps. When I made it to the hallway light switch I turn it on to see her sitting next to the trash can as if to say is there anything else I can do for you. The bat is still alive inside as I can hear him trying to desperately get out. I figure she must have injured him pretty good. I throw a heavy dinner tray I had sitting nearby on top of the can then go unlock the door for my son. He comes in, throws a blanket over the top and carried the can outside. He takes the blanket off, then the tray. We expect the bat to go flying away but he doesn't. I asked him if the bat was still in there and he said it was just laying in the bottom. He didn't care much after that as it wasn't in the house anymore so he goes back inside. I wait a couple minutes and the bat still doesn't fly out he just keeps fledgling around inside. I decide to go get the garden hoe to pick up the trash can under the lip and go dump him in the park across the street. I get over there and flip the can upside down then knock it over with the hoe. The bats laying there on the ground with it's wings open, I move a bit closer to see if it seems injured then he flies directly at me scaring the shit out of me. Almost as if to say scared you again didn't I, he takes a dip upwards then flied back down to do it again. A real "Gotcha!" one last time before descending off into the night. Freaking bats. Around dusk tonight I am out watering my flowers and I see a bat flying around that window, I looked up and told him, "find your way in tonight buddy and you won't be getting the last laugh".