Mindful Monday - To Forgive is Divine

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Happy Monday Steemverse. Hope things are well in your neck of the woods. Thank you for all the feedback and comments on these posts. It means a lot. It's the little affirmation that we look for when we post to know we're on the right path.

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This week we're going to discuss forgiveness. It is another key in our journey through mindfulness and well being. Forgiving is not forgetting. That is a conclusion that many jump to. Many feel forgiveness erases harm that it is done. It absolves the perpetrator for their crime (figuratively and literally speaking)

According to UC Berkley forgiveness is defined as:

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ... Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves not for the other person or for anyone else. I know that there are some ask for forgiveness, it's not forgiveness they are asking for they are looking for absolution. Learning to forgive is again one of those things it is different for each person. Somethings are easy to forgive while there are somethings that are more difficult. Sometimes there is so much damage done that to forgive the person for harming you seems like the wrong thing to do. One can feel that forgiving the other person seems to say "Hey, it's ok you beat the crap out of me!" that some how you are saying that what the other person did to you is ok.

Nothing will ever erase what happened, but that is not what forgiveness is about. If you harbor the negative feelings, the hatred, the rage and such it eats you up. It festers and just grows feeding upon every little bit of negativity comes your way. It isn't a good way to live. Yet sometimes the damage that was done and the constant reminders make it hard.

One of the first items on the list that needs to be forgiven is You. Most victims spend years blaming themselves for what harm came to them when in a lot of cases it purely was wrong place at the wrong time. In marriages where there is abuse, you actually start to believe that you deserve the treatment you are given. Then you blame yourself for being weak. You wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? The don't believe they deserve better. They have come to believe that they deserve this treatment.

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Why is it so important for us to learn to forgive? I think the definition I used sums it up pretty well.

to release feelings of resentment or vengeance.

Admit you didn't have control. Admit you cannot be responsible for another person's actions. Don't take on blame that is not yours. Don't make excuses for any of it. Say it out loud to yourself. Once you can do this then you need to let it go. That chapter is done and stop repeating those scenarios in your head. As I frequently say... change the channel.

Once you can do this then you can start towards forgiving the sources of your pain or damage (however you see it). I admit the hardest thing for me is forgiving my ex-husband for everything that has happened. He to this day denies anything happened. I know for me I need to do this. I had thought for the longest time I did. Then a few years ago I started having PTSD flashbacks and all those feelings came to the surface. I don't know if I can forgive him for the years of pain and torment, but I do know that if my life did not unfold the way it has, then I would not have the life I have now.

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I am grateful for that. I guess that's my forgiveness. I don't wish him harm or even that he admit what he did as I have in the past. It something that is done. I don't need to keep reliving it. I hope some day that the flashbacks will stop so those feeling finally go away. Until then we just keep moving forward and live from the lessons life has taught us thus far.

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Have a GREAT week. You are worthy. You deserve to have a good life. Above all there is someone out there that does care.

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Forgiveness benefits US as well as the person we're mad at, doesn't it? Because we're the ones with simmering anger and resentment, and making ourselves sick losing sleep - not likely them. This is such good advice. Let that shit go!

Just saying how sweet does your post look like with the post box at teh end of it on our front end??

I keep forgetting to do a mindful monday, probably as I haven't been too mindful of late - work is busy as. Looking forward to end of term so I can get back into the routine of a daily meditation and yoga again.

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Good one! I think forgiveness is something we don't do enough of. I know for myself when I was able to stop replaying everything and able to change things to a more positive, loving light ( or just move away from the things I could not change) my life became much more peaceful and happy.
Thanks for sharing!

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A delightful message of forgiveness on a pleasant day. Blessing to you.

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I think forgiveness can be confusing. If we aren't consumed by bad feelings when someone has wronged us, but we still remember, is it okay if we no longer want to interact with that person?

Is forgiveness just "letting it go," meaning that we don't think about it, and we don't imagine scenarios where we retaliate by doing something bad to that person in return? Is this enough or is there something else we must do?

I think it's easy for some to misunderstand the whole concept and feel that they must punish themselves when someone else has wronged them. The extreme being that they spend part of their lives hating themselves because they don't understand what forgiveness actually is.

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OOooofff! This one hit me hard this morning, as I deal with the tail-end of a nasty, toxic situation in one of my work fields. Thanks for the reminder, I have caught myself fantasising about various ways to punish this person for their abusive, disrespectful behaviour towards me. But that's really not going to help me feel any better about my experience... (although it may prevent them from treating another person this way again, which is habitual pattern for this individual).

The way I'm working at bringing forgiveness into it is asking myself whether I am the appropriate person to 'teach this lesson'... to believe so feels like hubris to me, so I let it go. It's still pretty raw though.

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