Reflections On The Last Few Days and The Importance Of Allowing Our Children To Express Their Anger!
I am learning to slow down, to not put so much pressure on myself to get everything done. I do like to be active, it feels good to get through the many jobs I have each day. But there is always an underlying sense of guilt, if I take too much time out of my day to just chill. I have carried this with me since I was a child.
Over the years that feeling has resided, so much so, that it is just a niggling feeling I get now, if I lie down during the day. Everywhere I look there is so much to do, but I have learned to just breath through it. This year I promised that I would not put any pressure on myself, that I would just let myself rest when I needed to because my energy has been low for quite a while.
It is amazing how much our emotions drain us, even when we embrace them and just allow them to flow through us. On top of my own I have also been dealing with my daughters emotions too. They have been feeling a lot of rejection and it is hard, to not feel their frustration and anger when they express it.
It really upsets me, to see them go through that and know that there is little that I can do. It is not me they are feeling rejected by, and at the end of the day I can only work on my relationship with them. They have been through so much and part of me wants to wrap them up in cotton wool to protect them. But this is life and they need to experience it. But it has been pretty full on for them of late and it seems unfair at times.
Most of the time they are fine, they are super resilient and generally get over things super fast. But they have also been carrying around their grief ,that resurfaces when ever they feel frustrated or sad. Smalls thing can trigger it for them and sometimes I can become overwhelmed because I can not give them what they so desperately want, their papa.
I am lucky that I live in a place where I can be outside most of the year, because being outdoors really helps me to ground me. If I am inside for too long I feel confined and it is the same for my girls. They tend to just run off on the land, find a tree and sit in it for a while until they are ready to talk or move on.
Taking a step back has been a big lesson for me of late, a step back so that my girls can feel what they need to feel and express what they need to express. We often have this desire to reach out to others when they are in pain, to hold them close and tell them that everything will be okay. And even though are intentions are good, we are in fact suppressing their emotions, when we should be encouraging the to let it all out.
Letting them scream and cry, knowing that it is their pain and anger that is being expressed when they yell at me and tell me they do not want me around. I can see the inner turmoil and I know that they need to be able to release it.
We live in a world where we are told to behave a certain way, to suppress our feelings. Yet it is so damaging to our over all well being to do so. To hold in how we are feeling, to leave words unsaid, to block ourselves off from our emotions. To create dams within that stop our flow. Most of our creativity comes from our pain and our suffering and if we block ourselves off from that, they we lose out on our ability to connect with our inner creative self.
I want my girls to never fear their emotions and in doing so never lose their creative flow. That flow connects us to our inner power .
I didn't have that opportunity when I was a child, I suppressed my pain, my anger and my joy. I know the damage it can do and the sheer relieve that is felt, when at last you can just be!
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Those ddg pictures are great!! Kinda spooky but also really cool!!! Love it. You know me - I'm a huge believer in letting it all out! That resulted in a pretty bloody big argument with me and hubby last week. But the calm after the storm made it all worth it - back in love again. Kids DO need to let it out - supression is the worst, especially for boys!! 'Cry baby' should be a compliment!
I so agree cry baby should be a compliment, thank you beautiful and happy to hear you and hubby are all good xxx
Just teach them never to be afraid and they'll be fine
that is something they learn best for themselves and it really helps if we are fearless too xx
It's a tough one to teach them to allow and to feel. Does it need expressing? only if they want to and it's appropriate. The challenge is to guide them beyond screaming and crying towards journaling, art, exercise, music, painting.... so my choices. Or also to simply teach them to acknowledge and feel and allow the anger and to watch it from the meditative place of pure peace and know that it is not their true self and that it will pass.
Teaching them to allow and feel is so important.
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that is so true, we do have conversations about anger and how it is just as important as any other emotion and how it can help us create and help us be motivated. Thank you xxx
I lost my children. I invested in a non-profit. Documentary to educate everyone longer family court corruption.
Www.erasingfamily.org
Host screening of AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION-SELECTED DOCUMENTARY, ERASING FAMILY
Elected officials, judges, attorneys, K-12 education leaders, university departments and student leaders, mental health professionals, social services and other community leaders who are dedicated to making divorce healthy for children should be attend these events.
After both screenings, director, Ginger Gentile, (named an architect of change by Maria Shriver for her work reuniting families and has robust support from family court professionals, advocates and families who desire for divorce and separation to be healthier for our children) will have Q&A sessions with the audience.
Erasing Family captures the unheard voices in separation and divorce – the children. Gentile has revealed the trauma experienced by children when they are forced to pick sides which results in having a loving, fit parent erased from their lives. Family bond obstruction is one of the most significant public health crises of our times, and in our community, with an estimated 22 million parents affected in the US alone.
Take a walk through the lives of children, hear their words and witness what happens when we do not intervene. Their insights have the power to change family court, mental health treatment and supports for kids during separation and divorce.
The film’s trailer can be viewed at www.erasingfamily.org.
You can also view reactions of family court professionals at the recent AFCC Conference here
For additional information, please contact Ginger Gentile at (917) 536-7742 or Noreen Nouza at (617) 528-8623.
Twitter: @PASMentor
Instagram: PASMentor
Videos in my YouTube Channel
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