The Battlefield Ritournelle

in #music3 months ago

It was a Saturday morning late in March. A normal morning as all others would be. Winter had just turned over to Spring and the sun was starting to rise. I saw the last remainings of frost in the grass with the sun glittering back at me in it. A small layer of fog was hanging over the canal as I was biking next to it. The world was calm and peaceful.

I had an eerie feeling in my stomach, not one that's making you nauseous, but one that was making you heart rate rise a bit. One that's making me feel uneased.

On the background I had 'La Ritournelle' playing, a song by Sebastien Tellier, but the remix version made by Gilligan Moss. The start of the song with the drumwork in the felt like we were walking to battle. To the eye of the tiger. Like I was wearing my robe, putting in mn teeth protector and getting ready to step into the ring.

The drumwork fades and there was a small intermezzo in the song. I closed my eyes waiting for a traffic light to feel the pauze sink in. When the lights changed colour I proceeded. The tone of the song turned lighter, vocals came in. It felt like Spring again, like the newborn small calves waiting to come and play outside. The air felt thinner.

A fade out and the climax of the song made me want to dance although I was still on my bike. More vocals made it all seem not so bad at all actually. I felt lighter.

Why is this song on repeat? The piano intro starts back over and I am wondering if I would be capable of playing these chords myself and looping them into Ableton to fool around with them. Especially since later on in the song there are more added loops. I can do this right?

I scroll for the original version of this song of monsieur Tellier. No beats but maybe even a more darker and sadder intro. Not that make-your-heart rate-rise feeling but more the wipe-away-the-tear feeling. It takes forever until the piano stops and also the vocals start. Violins (or most likely synths) are added and it does get more dramatic. Maybe this is the version and feeling I am looking for.

The combination of knowing both versions is awesome and I love it how long the intro takes growing to when the vocals start which actually doesn't fit the song at all. This version should have stayed acoustic.

I shift back to the remix version. Battlefield drums are what I need, not knowing what I will expect of this all. I keep my headphones on even while changing, I don't want the music to stop.

I leave my headphones and walk into the ICU to start my Covid-19 shift. No choice, no clarity, no feelings, just the bleeps of the machines and the puffs of the ventilators.


Love how this ends. Very poignant. You are amazing, doing what you do. What a time.

I thought - what is this chaotic shit you are listening to - then I realised I'd pressed play on both by accident - kinda improv jazz nuttiness. One song at a time sounds much better.

hahahahah so typical of both songs playing at the same time :DD Yeah, even that is hard to listen to then hahahaha.

Yeah man...what a time..I remember being so uneased that first day. All was so new and so scary.

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A very well written piece describing your feelings going into ICU that first day. Powerful feelings. Thank you for sharing this poignant experience with us.