Well, I finally did it. I know I shouldn't have, but I did, and I did it alone. I've finally endured the the final letdown, the complete failure, the utter insult and inexcusable mess that is Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker.

_{source: Wikimedia Commons}

Actually it's been almost a week already that I saw this poor excuse for a film; things happening in the real world and my deep disappointment with it prevented me from writing this short review earlier. I went to the cinema alone and I was almost alone watching the film; besides me there were two couples and one other poor soul in the audience. One of the couples left right before the final battle over the Sith planet where Palpatine has secretly assembled a fleet of thousands of Star Destroyers, each equipped with miniature Death Star technology. This is a big problem, a problem that's repeated over and over in this utter wreck; there's no explanation whatsoever as to how Palpatine survived being blown up TWICE in Return Of The Jedi. Death isn't a thing anymore; characters can be brought back to life whenever writers need them to further a plot. Good old Sheev Palpatine even remarks that he's died before when Kylo Ren threatens to kill him. So, how am I to believe he's dead now? How am I to believe Kylo is really dead when both Chewbacca and Rey die and come back alive within the space of a few scenes?

"The Dark Side of The Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural" is a phrase Palpatine also used in the prequels in a conversation with Anakin, back when they were still Senator and Jedi respectively, and that phrase is all we get as an explanation of Palpatine being alive. We also see that Sheev was the one who literally made Snoke, the bad guy in Episode VII and half of Episode VIII; so was he a clone himself too? I don't know and the film doesn't care; for all I know the Palpatine in this film was the real one, and all other Palpatines ever before shown on screen were clones. But if he can do that, why then make a Snoke? Or why not clone a decent body for a change? Maybe he did once, because he's had to have sex at one point, for Rey is his granddaughter..! The film should have been called "The Rise Of Palpatine"!

Palpatine surviving also means that every accomplishment of the heroes we've come to love over the past 40 years was for naught; Luke Skywalker didn't redeem his father and Anakin never redeemed himself. This film eradicates everything the original trilogy stood for, it says: "Luke and Anakin were never the real heroes, Rey is, and she's a Palpatine"... This film is one giant retcon of the previous movie in this latest trilogy, and the trilogy is a giant retcon of the six film that preceded it. Which brings us to the central problem with the Disney trilogy; there was no planning at all. JJ Abrams did the first movie, The Force Awakens, in which he set up some nice plot points. Rian Johnson took those plot points and completely nullified them in The Last Jedi; Rey's parents were nobodies, Luke Skywalker throws away his light saber, Snoke is killed, the Knights of Ren forgotten, the Force is nothing special because anyone can use it without training... In this final film JJ Abrams takes everything that Johnson destroyed and retcons it all; Rey's parents weren't nobodies, Luke's Force Ghost catches Rey's light saber when she throws it away and preaches about how it's a Jedi's most prized possession, Snoke was only a clone puppet anyway, the Knights of Ren are back and we finally see Rey do some serious training. These two directors' hate for each other is overshadowed only by their hate for Star Wars as expressed by their total lack of respect for story-building and what has happened before.

Admittedly I occasionally smiled when seeing how obvious all the retcons were; someone even says that the "Holdo manoeuvre" is useless, or a "one in a million chance", destroying yet another plot point used by Rian Johnson. This Episode IX is actually two films in one as it largely rewrites Episode VIII, next to providing the final chapter. As a consequence the pace of this film is relentless, there are no scenes to let the plot sink in or for characters to bond. Take the three heroes, Rey, Finn and Poe; they've had a couple of seconds of screen-time together in the previous two films, but we're to believe as an audience that they are long time friends; it doesn't work that way. In the original trilogy Luke, Han and Leia had tons of time together, so we believed their deep friendship at the end of the trilogy; this new one has no such quality, as everything is rushed and poor plots are covered with nice visuals and constant but pointless action. The story of Episode IX is paper-thin and consists of a video game like quest; get item A for a clue to get Item B in order to find person C. It's one giant chase for McGuffin's to end up with a very disappointing final battle in which Ben Solo (yes, he's somehow seen the light and isn't Kylo Ren anymore) gives his life to resurrect Rey back from death. Ben was the final Skywalker, and this solidifies the complete failure of the original heroes; Skywalker lost and Palpatine won. Palpatine WANTED Rey to kill him, so he even gets his final wish, and in Rey he lives on. The final insult to this franchise's legacy is given in the final scene, where Rey Palpatine steals everything from Luke Skywalker, including the famous twin-sunset and even his family's name...

If you liked this film and this trilogy by Disney, I congratulate you on not wasting any money. For me though, I have nothing good to say about it. It's not only an insult to any fan, it's an insult to the audience's intelligence. I could go on for many thousands of words, picking apart every stupid plot-hole in this movie, but to do a good job of that, I would have to force myself to watch the film again. I won't, and this should be enough to get across my honest opinion; this has been a big disappointment for this long time Star Wars fan...

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