I Am That [That I Am]

Who am I? Who am I? WHO am I?

You are that, the returned voice hums.

So hum shivoham.

NB. Would love you to press play on the Youtube clip and read whilst reading - it might help you experience a little of what I experienced when meditating to the so hum mantra.

And so, begin again.

Who am I? Who am I? WHO am I?

You are that, the returned voice hums.

So hum shivoham.

I am the strong hands of my grandmother who raised three boys far from her ancestral home, and her mother before her, and her mother before that. I am the woman that worked the fields and hunted and foraged for food for their little ones in the cold winters and swam naked in cold streams to wash off the blood of the hunt and of the blood that ran from womb to the river and downstream to the oceans, the clots eaten by fishes and eels and..

...the salmon eaten by the bear. I am the bear hunted by men with guns. I am the the last rhino. I am the...

....tiny spotted pardelotes, the smallest of Australian birds. I am the willy wagtail and the magpie tumbling from the nest. I am the robin and the wedgetailed eagle and I am..

..the last of my tribe, I picking through the bones of the dead and I am losing my language for I have no one to speak it with and I am the gypsy children who are labelled thieves but given nothing to sustain them and I am the boy Mohammed whose mother rings him at school hysterically and cries that they gave us the visa and I swear I will be prime minister one day.

I am my father breathing through my bones decaying with chemicals and I am the hand that cups the tiny foot of a new born child in the adjoining ward where I accidentally stray, hearing woman give birth and babies crying and old men wheeled into lifts with the tender care of nurses who smile and pat liver spotted hands...

and I am the quiet man at the piano not knowing what to play and I am the cactus flowering in the desert and I am the man who poisoned a hundred wedge tailed eagles and I am the poisoned eagles...

...and I am the insects I hold in the dirt in my hands, the slater bugs and the millipedes and the spiders and I am the twisting worms..

...and I am the water slapping against the side of the boat and the saltwater kiss and the hot sun and I am the smoky fire clouds drifting over and I am the burnt singed paws of the koalas and the potoroos and the salinated earth and the dead white trees and the kookaburras on the electric wires...

... and I am the furred insides of a broad bean pod and the tendrilled fluffball eucalyptus pods and the wattle bird that slams into the window and flies off stunned and the men who think they can hide treasured roman coins for their own gain and the young girl who has more piercings than she can count and black tattooed eyes because she does not want to look like the mother who left her behind without a second glance...

...and I am the wolves in the northern hemisphere and the dingos in the south and the rainbows and the suicided Koren k-pop singer whose last image is saying goodnight..

...and I am the woman who cries because all her fish are dead because the rain has washed the chemicals from the fish farms onto her land and I am the parents separate from their children and locked behind bars for seeking asylum and I am the liberated ones and the jailer too and I am the taker and I am the receiver of both love and pain..

..and I am all the dead and all the living...

... and I am the wind under the silver olive trees and the lovers stealing kisses in the moonlight and I am the lovers who hold hands in the last moments when the storm hit and those who are still lifting rubble seven days after the quake...

..and I am the stars and the moon and the Pleiades and the southern cross and the hunter in the north and the thick white milky way and all the stars in the galaxies and i am dust and I am moving through you and you are moving through me...

... and I am that, I am pure conciousness.

This post was written in response to a group meditation task called 21 Day Abundance challenge by Deepak Chopra. This group session is hosted by @artemislives and if you're reading this on Monday 15th it's not too late to join - get in touch with her or jump in the Natural Medicine Discord for more information. I was not in a good place when invited by @vincentnijman months ago, but given that the first session immediately connected me to 'that which is', I have set an intention to finish the challenge. Whether or not I'll be inspired to write about it is another story, but I'd be interested to hear from others doing this challenge or those who have already done it!.

The so hum mantra is a beautiful mantra that I have practiced many times in the past, breathing in and out to the recitation of 'so' and 'hum' - or 'hum' and 'so', thus reflecting the sound of the breath. 'So' means 'I am', and 'hum' means 'that', suggestive of the entirety of creation. I imagine the entire universe breathing with me and quickly, my thinking mind moves to the mystery of being - not only the more mystical, esoteric idea of 'oneness' but one that is also part of the greater theory of contemporary physics where there is a unified field which underlies everything in the universe. Meditation is a way to remember that we are not divided from each other or the world and that we are all and everything in all of the world. To me it is about having more of a heightened empathy - if I see myself in the world and the world in me, how can I harm others? It is easy to forgot this essential wisdom. I am glad I am engaging again with a meditative practice to connect me to these truths again.

@naturalmedicine II Discord Invite II #naturalmedicine