How To Embrace Hedonic Adaptation In A Romantic Relationship – The Two Magic Variables

Don’t we all ship some crazy monkey sex with a good daily hit of intoxicating infatuation? I’m sorry to be the sender of bad news but stomach butterflies tend to be a depreciating asset. In other words, the high of early romance expires sometime before year 3. Blame hedonic adaptation for that one – he’s a shameless world class saboteur. Professional butterfly stomach killer. 0 stars on yelp reviews. We could clearly go without him.

So how does hedonic adaptation wrecks damage in the love department? Well, he makes it so that continual exposure to our partner gets less exciting with time. But hey, no need to get all worked up! There’s always a way to turn things around, especially with the use of what I like to call the two magic variables.
So what are they?

Magic variable #1: NOVELTY

Novelty is the cure for romantic boredom! Because novelty pushes away one of the main side effects of long-term love – familiarity. Not only does it kick to the curb boredom, but it also releases excitement! Hey, what not to love about this little guy eh! Even better, novelty is user-friendly.

There are countless ways to inject novelty into our romantic relationships, we just need to partner up with our creative side a little and watch the magic operate! Try a new activity together, ask yourselves questions that you never asked each other before, discover a new restaurant/sport/part of your town/, recreate your very first date, etc etc! Nothing is off limits, let’s get down and dirty…. Oh I meant let’s get down and create!

Magic variable #2: APPRECIATION

Gratitude is the name of the game, and an all too underestimated important player! Long term love can inadvertently bring out the complacent side of us and consequently make us venture into the danger zone of taking our partner for granted. That’s why appreciation can save the day (and our relationship).

Appreciation is key to maintain John Gottman’s magic ratio of 5/1. (5 positive interactions for 1 negative one) Appreciation is so easy to use, and it’s a shame because it is way too underused. Telling our partner what we love about them, compliment them, these are things that can be done on a daily basis! They have a compound effect too, which is a total bonus! Reminding someone why we love and care for them never goes unnoticed and (when used continuously) can solidify the bond we have with our spouse.