Why addiction is so hard to beat?
Good afternoon,
As I mentioned in some past posts, I fell (some would say jumped) off the wagon this last winter, and started drinking pretty heavily again. There were many reasons for it, and even more excuses, but thankfully I was able to get help involving the detox, and I've been Lean & Clean again for about 2.5 months.
The reason is that addiction is exists as both a physical disease and a mental illness. This is one of the areas where the body and mind overlap more than most. Humans usually begin engaging in addictive behaviour as a means of coping with some unresolved trauma often suffered in their youth, but sometimes as an adult. While most people only think of addiction in relation to substance abuse (beer, cigarettes, hard drugs) it can manifest in many different ways.
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I suffer from chronic addiction myself. What this means is that I will -always- find something to be addicted to, whether beer, marijuana, video-games, sex, social media, anything. And it is all an attempt to reduce anxiety brought on in relation to past traumas. These traumas can never be erased, and anxiety is simply a part of every day life, therefore I can never truly be cured of Addictive Behaviour itself. It's just a part of who I am.
I first quit drinking in 2012, and was clean as a whistle for 5.5 years. It took ALOT to get me drinking again, but when the final straw hit, it bore the weight of 27 years. I'll elaborate on that in a future post, but for now; the lesson to take away is that addiction can lay dormant for years, and be fully controlled, but if there is a shock great enough, it can come roaring back to life. That was in 2017. I managed to clamp down on it after just one night, but...
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The relapse I just got over though, didn't really start until December of 2018. I suffered another shock, one that can't easily be put into words. And that one seemed neverending. Obviously, the drinking made the entire situation worse, because that's what addiction does. It makes things worse. What becomes difficult, but manageable, becomes seemingly impossible.
Now that I'm clean again, I'm still facing difficulties, and still dealing with alot of grief, but things are improving. I've channel the addictive behaviour into more constructive activities, such as exercise, reading, music, aka "Things that are good for me. " And as I've done this, my need to use alcohol has decreased. I have to limit my time online but I've been using that to post on support forums, and build skills to help me cope with life's worries.
Photo by Shashank Shekhar on Unsplash
Ultimately, addiction cannot be cured, just rerouted into a non-destructive activity. It may be necessary to make major changes in a persons life (in my case, changing my career, leaving an abusive ex, abandoning my former bong-buddies, moving towns, changing diet, leaving most social media...) you get the point.
But if the addict wants Happiness instead of Convenience, recovery is possible.
Love to the Loving,
Silas Danois
trying to overcome or "reroute" the sugar addiction is esp tricky 👀✌
Surely it is. But keep in mind, most of what you find in mass-produced chemically-engineered food-like structures (aka, processed food) isn't actually sugar. Try a pear sometime.. -That's- sugar! :)
So what do you call refined sugar? HFCS? The sugars inside of wheat germ? Carbohydrates? Sure fructose burns quickly and is used up easily. I would be interested in reading more about fructose burning.
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You seem to be on the right path, and you sure have the right attitude and insight into what you need to do. It is a way of self medicating, as you said to deal with grief and pain. Wishing you all the best on this healing journey @yestermorrow xx
Thank you, Ma'am! <3
Addictions is one of the hardest things to understand on many levels. thus making it harder to recover. Find where you are most important and that your life matters so you too can feel the love.
You are so strong to have overcome such difficulties. Keep at it, and stay strong.
Much love and respect fellow human.
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Yep. Addictions never really go away. The symptoms might, but the root remains there.
...Or does it?
What I'm going to say is not based on any evidence, nor from my own experiences or those of others. It is quite literally a theory untested. And I'm offering it for the purpose of discussion and contemplation and maybe even experimentation, so please accept it is that, and that alone.
But I've wondered if it is possible to find those roots and pull them out. I too feel I have behaviours which lead me to get hooked onto things. Although I'll also come clean and say I don't feel I have ever had an 'addiction' as you describe. So I'm not even wanting to come close to comparing my experiences with yours.
But I can certainly relate to moving from one 'thing' to another... which is why I question the notion and ask myself if I have addictions and/or addictive behaviours / personality...
I was told a Taoist saying once by my teacher: "aim for the moon and you may reach the top of the tree" (or words to that effect). My interpretation of that is its better to aim for the big-picture goal, because even if you don't achieve it, the journey to trying may be surprisingly more valuable than the original goal.
Also, great to see you around again... I was wondering where you got too.
Take care, and be kind to yourself... hopefully see you in NM chat...
😊🙏🏽☯️
I think it is possible to perhaps "pull those roots out" as you say, but in doing so, you're basically looking at reformatting your hard-drive, so to speak. The personality that results from pulling them out, will likely be alien to who you are right now. I found one of the roots, I think, a terrible need instilled within me at an extremely young age, and I'm working on correcting that. It's a slow, arduous, excruciating process... but it's working, I think.
However, that doesn't mean that I could ever indulge again, because it would plunge me back into that need. It would most surely retard my progress, and I'm quite tired of that. Much of what I've discovered was on the edge of eruption for decades. That itself is extremely painful to cope with, because I could have spared myself so much misery, and probably would never have become an alcoholic to begin with.
But that's okay, because I'm doing well now. Not perfect, by any means, but well. And that's pretty damn funny to say when you're effectively homeless and destitute. But life is funny that way. The less you need, the more you have. Strange, no? <3
Thank you for writing this and for reminding me of the danger to feel safe and "cured".
I am clean for 3 years, 2 months and 24 days and I am always searching for "things which are good for me" because I feel the quiet but existing graving every day.
To turn those feelings into positive things is a good way. Thanks for bringing this topic back in my head. I have learned to never feel too safe & now I can say the last weeks have been too much sliding in the surface somehow.
I hope you will stay free and safe brother.
Peace!
Sure thing, man! I know it's rough, and to be honest, I have it much easier than a staggering number of folks out there. Alcoholism is but a band-aid for those underlying traumas, so while I'm staying away from it, I'm inching slowly closer to getting those resolved.
I'm glad you're clean. Stick with it, man. No hands can lift or leave that bottle but yours. <3
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People don't get addicted because of chemical reasons as much as because they're unhappy with their lives. When Portugal decriminalized all drugs, and offered support and housing and jobs to addicts rather than prison sentences, those addicts get their lives back together and stay clean. Their drug problem is now much smaller. Deal with the source of the problem, the trauma, before trying to end off the subsequent addiction. And don't threaten addicts with prison, but offer help. More countries need to adopt this approach.
I whole heartedly agree.
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You sound quite calm and together in this post which is good to see. A few months back you were a bit scattered - was that what was going on? Addiction is a really tough thing to deal with so I have much respect for you getting back on track. Much empathy! xx
Yes, that's what was going on. There is more to it, ofcourse; but the alcohol made me prone to ever more irrational thinking. There's no easy way to go through what I was going through, but anesthetizing with booze certainly didn't help. :)
Appreciating your vulnerability and transparency in this post. And sending you light and strength. Finding joy in other things and connectedness will ultimately erode the reasons for the addiction... just find small things to be mindful of and grateful for each day. I'm thankful for the dialogue around addiction and the growth I see in you through this post.
Thank you very much!