Update on my Friend Tom, and Bear

I am deeply touched by your forthright goodwill. Also, please do not delete your truth merely based on my judgment. It is a small thing to be judged by me. Note that though I vehemently disagree with @soo.chong163, I upvote him. I do that because he states his beliefs with directness and frankly, which makes possible discussion of the matters relevant. I do value criticism and even strong disagreement more than almost any other aspect of society, other than kindness.

Should you disagree with me, I will even appreciate your comments more, if they are your honest thoughts. We can only learn from resolving disagreements, and little benefits me more by enabling me to discard those beliefs I have wrongly held than vigorous debate.

Thank you.

I lol'ed. I also appreciate your kindness and heartfelt consideration.

Thanks!

All you say is true. I had to leave Bear in a local kennel overnight when I drove to Gotham to see the cardiologist, as it would have been cruel to leave Bear trapped in my truck for 6 - 8 hours. I missed him poignantly that night. Dogs are the best people I have ever known, to be honest. I like him.

However, before all this excitement I didn't even want to undertake responsibility for a houseplant. I actually have a plastic one, that was my pretense to greenery in my home. Just a bit before these events, Turmeric I had planted in spring in pots outdoors sprouted after 4 months and I needed to move them inside or the cool weather would kill them, and I had to accept the responsibility of houseplants. Now Bear adds immeasurably to my responsibilities and loss of fancy freedom I was previously availed.

I literally had designed my living circumstances so that I could simply abandon all I owned without regret and radically change to adapt to what I saw as paradigm transcending global events oncoming. We see today I was perhaps underdelivering in my predictions, sadly.

The fact is I am not concerned for my loss of his companionship. I did not expect it, and had expected to endure the rest of my days without that wonderful boon. As dear as it is to me, my responsibility is to Bear. I cannot again run the woods and out-endure Elk as a hunter in good fettle can. I cannot spare the days and treasure to hunt birds as Bear's fulfillment of his destiny requires of his owner.

I would despise me were I to abuse Bear to reduce him to my emotional support while depriving him of fulfillment. I love and admire him far too much to even consider it. I have reduced my possessions to the minimal necessary as a weapon against those that prey on men profitably. Banks and criminal cartel institutions/government have by fraud and violent thuggery stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of property from me in my life [not taxes and fees, but actual criminal fraud and violent armed assault, using my wealth as bait to corrupt those I trusted to betray me], and should such institutional predation be again attempted against me, the possessions and treasure I presently possess are such that gaining them will actually effect a financial burden, which utterly discourages such predation.

Bear deserves to hunt and be that critical part of his pack. I cannot meet his needs. I couldn't bear the revulsion I would feel for me if I selfishly kept his love at the cost of his own quality of life, even if he would never know.

Tom himself may not understand this about Bear. I still owe my friend my best judgment regarding Bear's care and quality of life.

I know.

For that companionship, I have a couple massive pots of Turmeric =p.

Thanks!

He is an extremely beautiful dog. When he's cantering along (best I can describe his gait) the extra fur on the backs of his legs, top of his head, and tail, stream back like feathers, or movement indicators in a drawing. I describe it but poorly, as it is such an aesthetically pleasing sight. When at rest, and regarding you with those beautiful eyes, the little curly mop top looks like a perm. He's just pretty. More importantly, he's extremely good natured, and anxious to be of service - just too energized to walk along at the glacial pace of mere humans.

He's got to flow, and I've been successful at getting labs to proudly strut along at heel, but he's so irrepressible that when within 'striking distance' of the object of his desire (something to smell or pee on) he leaps to it enthusiastically - which will knock you on your ass if you're attached to the other end of a leash.

After his terrible stroke, and the continuing exacerbating problems Tom has been undergoing for the last month, Tom will never be able to walk him as I'd hoped to make possible by training Bear to heel. I am not a professional trainer, and don't have the time to become one as I have literally been working without days off since the doctors lifted my work restriction. Even now that they insist I take days off, two days a week isn't going to suffice.

Training him to sniff out game birds and retrieve them will fulfill his destiny. It's uncanny to see his natural behaviour prefigure what he should be trained to do as a gundog.

Thanks!

Edit: the restless mind syndrome is why I write, too. That is the essential feature of the kinds of folks I reckon do find my posts valuable, and why of all the debilitations of age I dislike, it is that incipient dementia, the loss of vocabulary; that feeling incessantly that the right word is just at the tip of your tongue, almost sorted out of the whirlwind of possibilities in your mind, that inability to write good prose I dread most.

When anxiety over the last couple days rose like bile in my gorge, from the decree of my doctors that I could no longer revel in the full deployment of my strength of arm and endurance at work, I noted that happening. My PTSD makes such anxiety worse, and I had to reach out for succor to a dear friend with soothing advice when I forgot the names of the doctors I had just seen in my stressed condition.

After a bit of hearing their monologue advising acceptance of reality, I remembered them. It is a strange connection between anxiety and dementia I shall have to contend with. My writing may not remain as useful to us should I fail to accept the ravages of fate with good grace, it seems. I shall exercise the ultimate weapon against anxiety, humility, to the best of my ability in the hope of retaining the fragments of my mind as long as possible.

Digging into to your post directly. I deeply appreciate your well spring of knowledge, hard work, and consummate skill with which you freely share it. Not just here, although I am touched by your care and kind concern, but in all your posts I have been privileged to read.

Thanks!