LET THEIR MEMORIES REST IN PEACE

This is me telling myself to let go of all the dead things in my life. When I speak of dead things I don't mean it literally. Just simple things that do not play an active part in my life--people, things, memories, etc

I consider myself a memory junkie. I love memories and the process of making them. For a recluse, they are the only things that keep me company during my long spell away from physical and emotional contact. The downside about this said obsession with memories is that I have consciously or unconsciously placed them above people. All I want from people these days is just something to remember and when I have that i disappear.

It is easier to deal with memories than people...

Another downside of fraternizing with memories is that it makes you miss things or people you don't need; people who have no business in your current space. On some days, it almost feels like i am moving backward, chasing things that are long gone or never existed in the first place. I attribute that to the luxury i have with time. I have enough of it to wander past lost memories; make scenes in my head; entertain ideas that i have no business with. Another downside of being a creative but i am not going to blame my skill or ability. I think my obsession with memories is linked to my romanticization of people. I am always trying to get the best out of people or situations. A fixer.

"People aren't just characters in your stories Nonso." Said, my lover

I have heard no truer words. For someone who barely knew me, i was rattled by this statement. Putting this into context, i feel my obsessive urge to control events, people and fabricate an ideal reality for myself hasn't panned out well for me and i need to resist the urge vehemently. I have probably given the best of myself to things/persons because of a memory/ideal i am trying to uphold.

At the end of the day, memories play an important part in how we evaluate the quality of our lives. I can say i have lived a quality life despite my many setbacks because of the memories i have made. I might be going through a bad day like i was a couple of days back and remember that at some point in my life i was homeless. Although a painful memory, it's laughable knowing that i came out of their situation alive. I might be angry and frustrated about my financial status and then i remember that i was a millionaire (in naira of course) a couple of months ago, and i still am (not just in cash). Or i can be worried about how unfair life has been and remember that i could have been worse. Yes, these memories keep me cozy during the rainy days but if i dwell too much on them i may never move forward. I feel the same way about love. If i am running back every few months to people i have decided to let go of how do i intend to meet new and interesting people and probably find my perfect fit. There is always a chance to create a better experience if we are willing to take on new challenges and conquer new frontiers.

So i am going to try today to let go of some things/person and if our paths ever cross again it won't be of my own engineering. They are not going to die if i don't check up on them. In fact, their lives are actually great without me in the picture.

I don't want anything to hold me back. I saw something yesterday that triggered me in the wrong way. This only happens when i am fraternizing with people and ideas i have no business with. I don't want to live a life where i am trying to play catch up or prove a point to people. I did that last year. Yes, i showed everyone who thought my life and that of my family would take a nosedive when my dad died; that i could survive without their assistance. Right now it means nothing--the point i was trying to make. I isolated myself from everything I loved and cared to chase money. I made a little, nothing life-changing but it wasn't really worth it. Now, i am in the company of those i care about and being open to whatever good thing life has to offer. My life is richer now. I am not necessarily richer financially, but i am happier. I can love, make people laugh, write and just be happy irrespective of life's unending challenges.

Let their memories rest in peace.

Sometimes we remember when we should forget(move on). Life is very dynamic and once one starts holding on to something for too long they begin to regress whilst every other thing progresses even the said thing they are holding on to.

I think we are all aware of areas in our that need change. The question is: are you willing to make those changes? You might not get it right at all but you will come close to something you're willing to settle with. Even the simple fact that you made an effort is a sign of change.