My 1st therapy session, hopefully its one step moving forward.

Its my 1st therapy session today, this is all to do with what i did in November last year. They are thankfully working around me and what's best for me. They have given me evening sessions which are perfect for me as hubby will take me, he sits and waits until the session is over and brings me home, so much better for me than using a taxi. I would get anxious using a taxi then probably end up cancelling my appointment.

With it being my 1st appointment and not meeting the therapist before i was concerned all day that something would go wrong but thankfully she is lovely and very patient. She knew what she was doing, i feel this time just might work. My session was for 1 hour starting at 7, we talked a lot about my past, how i feel and what would help, the hour flew by.

We have decided that we need to work on my self esteem, i need to start seeing my self as important, that i am not worthless as my so called father called me from an early age. We are going to work on that then see where to go from there. The therapist said we need to deal with the trauma i had whilst growing up, there is so much and should have been dealt with sooner. She made sure i had the Crisis teams number and have plenty of support around me whilst we go through this therapy as i will need it. She said i will need more than the usual 10 sessions as there is a lot of trauma to deal with.

I have been given homework to do for next weeks sessions. With Self - Esteem we have to find the good things that happen in our life, the good things you do the good things that happen, these all build up to a healthy self-esteem where as i see everything i do as useless and nothing good happens. I have been given a site address for GetSelfHelp. Its about lessons on building esteem. I am also going to be taught self soothing activities, these will help me when my thoughts are wandering to much.

Hopefully this year will keep me moving forward and improving as i can't get the last 54 years back and don't want to waste anymore of my life thinking the way i do. I am willing to do what i have to when i have to to get my head sorted. My head never stops thinking, its what keeps me awake, its what makes me feel the way i do.

Me and my hubby often speak about what happened and why i am feeling the way i do. I didn't tell my husband about my past until we were married, we were together a few years before then he has said if he had known what had happened he would have not built a relationship with him. One thing i do know My abusers have done a good job messing up my head.

Thank you @son-of-satire