No One Wants To Claim The Lube and Other Strange Tales From The Hood

It's been a zany roller coaster ride this summer with no signs of the comedy shows ending anytime soon. It all started when out of concern I encourage my sister to come stay with me for awhile to get a respite from the dire situations she was experiencing living in Florida. She appears to have gone over the total nervous breakdown mode and morphed into a complex mix of different personalities up to and including she is the second coming of Stormy Daniels. She barreled out of here when she found out my mom and I were talking about finding help to have her committed for a psychiatric evaluation. The last I saw of her before hopping in the car rolling away was the night before when she was doing a rendition of Scarlett O'Hara to one of her online customers after I knocked on her door to see if she was in there. I heard her go out but didn't hear her come back in, her behavior(s) were concerning to warrant watching out for her whereabouts. When I knocked she screamed, I take it from the experience that she found herself into some abusive frightening experiences down there as this wasn't uncommon to be so easily frightened or found to be sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to reassure her I was just making sure she was okay but about an hour later she comes down the hallway and starts slamming my door. I get up to see what that was all about and she's talking to some guy telling him, "Oh Leonard, she is just an awful terrible person Leonard, she is so mean to me, just horrible, awful Leonard, I don't know how much more I can take of this". The performance in comparison to Scarlett's to Rhett at the end of Gone With The Wind right before Rhett utters "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn", would have won her an academy award. After two months of this and at that point quite frankly I didn't either I found myself uttering back, "Oh, Leonard whatever shall I do" and walked away. I slept with my bed against the door that night as this stuff was getting scary. The next day I woke up to her pulling away from the curb, headed to go stay with Leonard, a man who it turned out liked walking about in the nude all day.

My mom couldn't even come by while she was here as one day she woke me up from a nap yelling "that bitch, I want her dead and I want her dead now!" while stomping her foot up and down after my mom told her she needed to go get help. I warned my mom not to come, I told her she can switch personalities faster than you can figure who the last one was. My mom breaks bones rather easily, I told her there's no guarantee that her husband or I could intervene fast enough if she made a snap personality change. The whole thing was rather sad to watch as she may have always been rough around the edges she owned her own home in a predominately good area, raised her kids to graduation but slowly lost it all after getting a debilitating bone disease that kept her from working and taking to online stripping for a living. If one thought she was rough before she had totally lost it now as she had no regard for anything.

I came home one day shortly after she arrived and there was a bottle of lube on my couch. I zeroed in on that spot on, you can ask anybody and they'll all tell you I am a stickler when it comes to my couch. I am not into the "king of discount" furniture stores where memory foam ends up meaning a distant memory from six months ago or second hand outlets selling attached dead skin cells. I put some money behind my comfort, at least ten year guarantee, reinforced cushions and waterproofing though no kids are allowed to eat or drink on it nor is anyone allowed (but me) (lol) to sleep on it and it's always kept covered. So you can imagine using it to perform sex acts to online customers isn't going to go over to well. Not wanting to see her snap right off I explain if she ask she'll find out just how picky I am, it's nothing personal but I'd rather you not use my couch for online activities. She denied it. She tried to blame it on my son who was staying here for a couple days while he was in the dog house with his girlfriend. I can hardly imagine he'd feel a need to sit there jacking off while watching television but to give her the benefit of the doubt I asked him. He denied it was his. I didn't really think it was his, he was only here one night, not even a whole two days, it just didn't add up when it came to him. The reality over time pointed more so to her as she really didn't give a rip about how other people felt. When she set up her room she put up sheer lace see through curtains and lined her sex toys up on a corner self attached to the wall. The room she was using is one the grand kids often sleep in when they are here so I was concerned they may inadvertently open the door not understanding you are using the room or that the college girls across the way could see her doing striptease through the curtains...not to mention depending on the angle from the sidewalk someone might catch a few glimpse's of her in the buff but she didn't care. I asked her if she could use the sanitizing wipes after washing her sex toys in the bathroom sink...they just sat there unused and it appeared she'd just rub them against the bar soap and be good with it. At least it would appear to be what was transpiring as there really isn't much more of an explanation as how a bar of soap gets distorted this way..

So yeah I should have took it early on in the spring of the year when I ran across the odd duck and the squirrel with a white tail that things just weren't going to be the norm this year.

But even they don't hold a candle to the stalker bat. The bat I wrote about in another blog. I am almost a hundred percent sure he's hold up in the dog house somewhere...that's the small bedroom in the house that suffices for many reasons but it's the first time a bat has decided to drop by for a stay. After finding and fixing the small hole in the one bedroom window he got in he spent days trying to figure out how to get back in. To tell you the truth it was rather creepy because you could hear him clutching around on the screens and it gave me the chills every night not knowing if he finally found another way in. This particular night it was raining rather hard out and the grand kids were over sleeping in that room. I heard what appeared to be scratching against a screen, I went in the kids room where it was coming from and I knew immediately it was him because there sat my cat below the window, she was on it. I could hear flapping sounds but I couldn't tell if he got inside the window yet or not, if he was flapping inside, outside or was on the other side of the fan. I got the grand kids out and shut the door. The next day my sons come over and we gear up to go in to do battle. First we check above the doors as this usually is where we find bats land if they choose to, second we check behind the curtains as this is the second most chosen spot to hang. We looked for dark spots on the outside the curtain and my son took the bat board and swings it towards the curtain then back towards himself to see if anything comes flying out. Something sure did but it wasn't the bat. On the other side of the bat board is a string with a loop attached to the end of it so when he swung the board back at himself it caused the string to flip over to the side of the board facing him and he thought it was the bat...the jumping and the screaming was hysterical to say the least though he didn't quite appreciate it we found it so funny. The next few swats he secures the loop on his side, we determine the bat isn't in the window and start checking out the rest of the room. We don't find a bat. A couple days later the grand kids are over, they go in there then run back out. They said they heard noises. I told my son I told you not to tell them a bat may be in there because they will insist there is one even when there isn't. Well maybe they were right. A couple days later I decide to go in there to clean up the room and hang the curtains back up. I am standing there and I hear ruffling songs. I drop the curtains on the bed and take a couple steps back. I am looking but I can't determine if the sounds were coming out of the back of the fan which we had taken out of the window to close it or from under the bed. That's where it stands right now, as something was making that sound and my bets on that bat either being stuck inside the back of that fan or he's injured laying under the bed. All's I know is until one of my sons come for back up I am going no where near trying to find out alone....this bat's behavior is just way to odd.

There was the homeless looking vet guy I talked about in one of my post who decided to plot down in the rain outside my car and render his story...maybe I should have got a clue to park elsewhere as that very spot he collapsed onto seems to be attracting the strange this year. Parked on the other side of that spot the other day I hear a loud thump sound. I look over to see a small red car that ran into the cement barrier stop, taking notice of his front end it was missing the original headlight and had another that appeared to have a rope helping it stay anchored into place, the side was dented and the hood of his car appeared to have a slight upward fold in it. I probably wouldn't have found that sort of uncontrollably funny except for the condition of the car and if it hadn't been for the homeless vet and other peculiar happenings this summer but I just couldn't help it, I couldn't stop laughing. Of course it didn't end there. Oh no, that'd been to easy. He gets out of his car and retrieves something from his trunk and walks off. A few minutes later he returns with a big tree branch and two antifreeze containers full of water. He lifts his hood up and takes the branch to prop it open with so he can fill up his radiator. You just simply can't make this stuff up, now I am wondering if his brakes even work and he didn't use the bricks to force his car to stop. When he's done he goes over to the back seat and start rummaging through stuff. He pulls out some clothes and goes into the bathroom to change. That's when I figure he must be homeless living out of his car. Must be a rough road to go down but he has definitely been creative in his techniques to survive.

If you'd want to think the weirdness of the summer was restricted to humans or animals think again. These would have made some beautiful peppers my grandson planted...

Except for the fact they are tomato's. No wonder they were given to him for free. It was not just a plentiful summer of the bizarre..it was also bountiful.

In a final note to my post I am going to add a bit of my own zany comedic moment. When going through my pictures today I said to myself I hadn't noticed this before but it's like he's wearing a MAGA hat.