It's so Unfair!!

My daughters are very different people and as such they are treated differently and have had different access to opportunities. My eldest, Angel, is a fast learner, excels academically and her quick brain has made her a fast learner in physical activities too.

My youngest, Izzy, isn't incapable, she just isn't as quick to learn and has to work a bit harder to reach the same point. However, this means she doesn't stand out like her sister, so she never got the attention her sister got.

Teachers and coaches would get really excited about Angel. They'd be more encouraging and praising of her. She'd be offered opportunities that only a few other ”exceptional” students would. On the other hand, Izzy got ignored for the most part. I'd be the one to encourage her progress, because I knew she could do it, she only needed a bit of encouragement and a little more work, but praise, acknowledgement and encouragement from your parents isn't quite the same as a general consensus from others that you are capable.

Rules would be bent for Angel, but not for Izzy, when it came to organisations, unless they were both in the same organisation, then the rules would be bent by default for Angel‘s sister. We put the girls on a waiting list for a school when we moved and it was supposed to be several months long, but Angel’s test scores bumped them up the list and they were offered places pretty much straight. I felt awful for the others bypassed on the waiting list. We did end up leaving to homeschool after a term, which helps my guilt trip a bit.

My girls did different gymnastics. Angel had her coach wanting to take her on camps and was really enthusiastic about her. Izzy was not a stand out and having never done anything like it before was behind her team mates in many ways. She has persisted and improved over the years, been loyal and worked hard, but she's never going to be a star, because she's not built for this type of gymnastics. So where the rules will be bent for those considered to have “potential”, they won't be bent for her.

It's an interesting situation to be witnessing privilege on the one hand and an unequal “fairness” on the other, within my own children. On one hand I fully comprehend why organisations favour certain people who provide a benefit to them over and above the average. A student whose parents donate a large amount of money to the school would get away with more than a student who merely covers their fees, because they don't want to lose that benefit. A student who makes the school look good can bring in more students and revenue, so allowances are made to keep them and they'll put more effort into furthering them. However, I also empathise with those who are frustrated with the unfairness of this. Parents see their child not advancing as well as they could, if they only had the same input and advantages that the favoured ones get.

Often the favoured ones have the extra input because the investment feels more worthwhile to the teacher/coach. It's not fulfilling to put effort into someone who isn't interested or is unable to improve, but it's very fulfilling to be seen as the teacher of someone who is good enough to win awards.

Yesterday I read a news headline which said that Victorians (those from the Australian state of Victoria) wouldn't be allowed to buy tickets for the next football match. The reason? Covid cases have been increasing in their state when the rest of Australia has had little or no new cases. That's discrimination and not fair, but fairness ultimately comes down to a cost-benefit analysis. In this case the unfairness is supported out of fear; fear of them spreading sickness. How familiar is that? How much discrimination happens due to fear?

Whenever you're experiencing unfairness, there's going to be a counter explanation for it. Whether you agree with it or not, there is usually some form of justification for it. You could say it’s all fair, because you get out what you put in, but that is often not the case. Yet if someone does put in more for the same reward, they can feel unfairly treated themselves.

So we move forward coming to terms with the fact that life is not fair and nobody ever says it's going to be.

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I'm not sure if there was any point to be made here, I'm just emptying some of the drivel out that's been running around my brain.



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Don't you think, school and institution doing favortism is wrong.? As far as i understand these are the place which help in developing minds and also encourage students to work harder so that to everyone should be at par. Its moral responsibility of teacher not to overlook undervalue kids...

Noone actually ready to raise their voice even they see unfairness around . Do you think hive is fair place....I have many examples which shows how favortism is so popular here. But take my words anyone can pinpoint such things....they were put into blacklist or slowly wiped out their identity from the platform through complete ignorance....

It is so unfair how people ready to adapt to all situation

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I do think it's wrong. I even pulled my youngest out of a school due to a teacher treating her unfairly and it turned out to be a common issue at that school, worse than other schools. They favoured families whose parents and grandparents had been at the school, but it was not just a case of them supporting loyalty, because many of the teachers would actively humiliate children from lower social background or from families new to the school. I wasn't about to continue to support that.

Yet I can also see why teachers might get worn out trying to put extra work into a student who isn't progressing as well. There is almost some unfairness the extra work going into a student who is struggling, but we can rationalise that because it's not really the student's fault and it's a good thing to do for them, especially if it's appreciated. It can still feel unfair to someone who might also be struggling a bit, but not enough for the extra effort to be deemed appropriate for them. This conundrum has been what's going around in my head. There's obvious unfairness, but there is also that subtle unfairness which can sort of be justified.

"...encourage students to work harder so that to everyone should be at par."

This is the goal of most educational institutions. However, in itself it can also be an unfair approach. You see, in order to have all children on par with one another, some children would need more time and work, while others would have to be held back to allow them catch up. This is then unfair on those who get held back. More conundrums.

Hive is a mirror for the real world. There are lots of things I don't agree with, so I just try not to support them.

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I belive the so called education has become a business...spoiling all the old saying of building future. A school.is supposed to be one place which should not discriminate but the money in mind, they can go to any limit and there by spoiling many child's future.....pretty the situation getting worsen...and this seems to be the case of everywhere ....in India as well few of them favoring the sharp kids only so that not much effort to put on.....

Condition at hive is also getting worsen with each ....it won't take much to see the good old Steem days

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(Edited)

This sounds like Steemit! (crap post plus member of inner circle = huge payout)

I hope Izzy doesn't read your post and decide to off her talented sister :)

But really - this is how life works - the fast get faster and the rich get richer.

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(Edited)

"I'm not sure if there was any point to be made here, I'm just emptying some of the drivel out that's been running around my brain."

Fair enough.

Sounds like Izzy will have to decide herself what to excel in. Her choice isn't being made for her by easy skill. I'm a slow thinker, and this has not been considered an advantage by folks.

But it is. When I wrassle summat until I fully grasp it, I fully grasp it, and folks that just glibly grasp it don't have that investment in understanding, and, at best, don't give that understanding the same weight I have to.

Izzy might just shine the brighter for having to work harder.

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"I'm a slow thinker,"

I hear you. That's me and Izzy too. In fact I'm pretty darn slow at everything. We just keep plugging away until it comes, though. Angel's learnt that from me, so she's pretty stubborn to if she wants to be and makes sure she understands things inside out as long as it interests her. In that way I guess she's got the best of both worlds.

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There can be no question @minismallholding that life is unfair. Part of the fascination with life is how everyone views this fundamental fact. Starting with the "fun" of realizing the vast spectrum of perspective on what is "fair" and what isn't. And, from there, why it isn't ...

In amongst all the "fun" is the "human condition" reality of the supremacy of the WIIFM (what is in it for me) principle in most of us. And its "contribution" to the painful reality of "unfairness" in life in this world ...

With our "quiver full" of children, our earlier (in life) attempts at talking through whatever the "crisis of the moment" was resulting in cries of "unfair!" got shorter and shorter. Down to something like, "Yep. Get used to it!" 😉

Seriously, we did find these discussions to be "learning opportunities" to talk about the "big questions" in life and what we suggested the answers might be, based upon our worldview.

For us, doing all in our power to never play favorites was very important. It was always a topic of conversation about how different they all were. While never perfect in our goal of "loving unconditionally," we have been encouraged with all of our children now out in the big, wide world never saying anything about feeling that some of them were loved or favored more than the others. So, at least we have some small consolation ...

Well, great post on a universal topic, my friend. I wish you well in your future endeavors to help your daughters successfully reach a point of being at peace about it.

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I think they're reaching any age where only they can choose whether they can find a way to be at peace with it. My eldest probably struggles more with it than my youngest, which brings up yet another train of thought!

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We said this to our sons too, that life is unfair and it will never be fair. It is good we can do random musing here. To be heard. More grace and strength on you as you nurture your daughters. They will be fine because of the family. ❤️

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I feel it can be a hard thing for children to process, because they are so very aware when they see a lack of fairness.

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