LETTER TO MY HUSBAND ( season one, episode two)😇

MY DEAR HUSBAND,

I suddenly felt pain in my chest. It was as if someone were stabbing me in the chest. I woke up. I looked at you. You were sleeping .So I ran to the bathroom. I don’t wanna disturb you. I went to the bathroom and cried in pain. I did not understand what I should do. I got out of the bathroom with great difficulty. I ate a pain killer. I was in pain. I thought it was gastric pain. But no, the pain is killing me. Then I ate two more pain killers. Gradually the pain subsided. I went to the porch. Darkness all around. The point is not just sound. I stood alone under the open sky and felt the beauty of nature. I let my tears come out. There is no one I can tell my troubles to. Suddenly I heard the sound of foot steps. I immediately wiped away my tears. I put a fake smile on my face and turned around.

I saw you sitting at the table with your sleeping face and messy hair drinking water. I thought maybe looking for me without seeing me in bed. But I was wrong. You drank water and went straight to the bed room. Why did my chest pain suddenly increase again. Tears came to my eyes again. I don't think you count me as a human being. You can’t treat me as your wife but even as a friend. Anyway, at least I didn't go down without explaining myself first. Standing there, it was dawn. I went to the bedroom to wake you up. You went straight to the bathroom without a word. I also went to the kitchen. I made breakfast for you. I left it on the dining table and went to the living room. Because I feel very sick. You come down and eat breakfast and leave the house. You even didn’t ask me why I was not on the table today.

It's 10 o'clock in the morning. My doctor uncle called. I picked up the call. He told me to take you to his hospital with me. I couldn't tell him anything else. Anyway, I went to the hospital alone. I entered Uncle's chamber. He ran and hugged me and cried. I was stunned. Then he asked me about you. I say you are busy. He wanted to call you. I forbade. And I asked what happened uncle. He took my hand and said, "You have to be strong now. It's hard to say, but you have blood cancer. And this is the last stage.” My eyes began to water. I don't know if I'll be happy or hurt. The doctor gave me a lot of medicine and told me. Time to take the medicine and take care of myself. I haven't eaten properly for the last 2-3 days. So the weakness is getting me. I came home. I didn't like anything. I was wondering how to tell you about my disease.

Suddenly my phone rang. I saw you called. I was very happy. I received the called and said, "Hel..." You ignored me and said, "There's a red file on the table in the bedroom. Bring it to my office."Then you cut the call. I did not have the strength to go to the office. But I went. There was a lot of traffic on the road. It took me an hour to get there. I was dizzy a lot. I ran into your office. I entered and saw your angry look. I was scared. I gave you your file. And you shouted at me and said a lot of contradictory things. I bowed my head and listened. I just say sorry after leaving your office. My heart was very hurt. I can feel the warm tears on my cheeks. Anyway, I went home. I made dinner for you.

It's eight o'clock at night. I was waiting for you. Because I'm going to tell you about my illness today. I was feeling very bad and hurt thinking about I can't see you again. I can't cook for you anymore. I can't take care of you. I fell asleep thinking about these. Suddenly I heard footsteps and I woke up. I looked at watch and saw that it was 2 o'clock at night. As usual, you about to go to the bedroom. But I won't let you go today. You have to talk to me. I grabbed your hand and said give me some time. I wanna tell you something. You looked at me with an angry face. And removed my hand from your body. You answered me you don't want to hear me. I'm very hurt to hear that. I begged you to listen to me. But after a while I felt you slapped me. My eyes began to water. The whole world seemed stable today. Then you shouted, “ GET OUT OF HERE. I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU”. I just nodded and went from there. Maybe you don’t love me but you can respect me and my feelings. I cried a lot that night. And I was happy also. Because I’ll die soon. You don’t have to feel disgusted. I won’t disturb you from then.
(13/5/2010)