(recycled image, it's because of the context)
I grew up where celebrating Christmas is like a tradition. It's like life will never be completed if I will miss this celebration. I remember when I was young or let's say I was just a kid. No happiness could compare the feeling of having Christmas. As a kid back then we did carolling with my friends every night. I went to my Godfather and Godmother to bless. To bless by their hands means I was waiting for a gift. Money, dress or it could be anything. As long as there's a gift but it's fine to have nothing. Although I didn't experience that I didn't receive anything during Christmas. My Godfathers and Godmothers were just nice for me. lol
When I became an adult or I became what I am now. I haven't experienced it anymore. Although I still keep on blessing by their hands when we encounter the streets. For now, as an adult, I'm not waiting for anything. I'm shy to do that anymore and it's embarrassing to ask money from other people. I will accept it of course if they will give me something. I just don't ask but as a sign of respect, I bless their hands.
As of now, I am not concerned about what the people can give me this Christmas. It's about the feeling I will feel during the Christmas season. When all my siblings return home from their places. We need to accept that life will not stay the same. Before when I was young, all of us were celebrating Christmas without food on the table. We were just happy to spend the night while waiting for the day of December 25. I was so happy because all of us were there in the house. Unlike now, we may have food on the table but only a few of us can eat. Yes, life is like that. It will keep on twisting the situation.
My heart was full while my stomach was empty. There might be a chance that my stomach will be full as of now. My heart will not be that empty for sure. Although it will be lacking, it's like a piece of my heart will never be found. We can have food on the table in God's mercy. But the number of siblings to be home will not be the same as before. My father will never be with us because he's dead for some time. My brothers and sisters have their own families. While the other siblings that have no family can't make it home. It's because of work and it's because of the situation right now. We all know that but it's just so sad to think about it.
I'm a home-boy person and a family-lover. I always want to see my family joining together even once in a while. I wasn't born rich and I know that already. It's one of the factors my wish will not come true during Christmas. The money to use in going home and to use to offer them food. I'm contented what will be on the table but not all people think that way. Even so, I still wish to see them and to share some memories when we're just young.
Christmas for me is like a family season. This season will be about spending time with families or loved ones. I'm not referring to books or traditions. The Christmas songs said we should all be happy. But it never said about being happy with a family. It's simply because it's our emotions, it's my emotions. Every Christmas I hope to see my brothers and sisters with my mother. I want my father to be there as well but it's not possible.
My Christmas will not be the same as before. I am fully aware of it. I'll just accept the reasons and be happy in their cause. They have their own families and they have their own reasons. I don't have the guts to tell them how I will feel during Christmas. That's why I will just write like I'm expressing it. "I miss how we were back then during Christmas eve."
Thank you for reading
images are mine