What is Healthy Boundaries; Why Must Practice Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are important in determining the health of any relationship.
Boundaries clarify;
where you stop and where I begin,
which problems belong to you
and which problems belong to me.
What are boundaries?
"Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what is not. . . ." - Dr. Henry Cloud
Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.
If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like.
Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options.
However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited.
Think how confusing it would be if someone told you to “guard this property diligently, because I will hold you responsible for what happens here,” and then did not tell you the boundaries of the property.
Or they did not give you the means with which to protect the property.
This would be not only confusing but also potentially dangerous.
This is exactly what happens to us emotionally and spiritually.
Fortunately, humans were designed in a world where we all live “within” ourselves; that is, we inhabit our own souls, and we are responsible for the things that make up “us.”
“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy” (Prov. 14:10).
We have to deal with what is in our soul, and boundaries help us to define what that is.
If we are not shown the parameters, or are taught wrong parameters, we are in for much pain.
In addition to showing us what we are responsible for, boundaries help us to define what is not on our property and what we are not responsible for.
We are not, for example, responsible for other people.
Nowhere are we commanded to have “other-control,” although we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get it.
We are responsible to others and for ourselves.
Many times others have “burdens” that are too big to bear.
They do not have enough strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load, and they need help.
Denying ourselves to do for others what they cannot do for themselves is what define being responsible “to” others.
On the other hand, everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry.
These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out.
No one can do certain things for us.
We have to take ownership of certain aspects of life that are our own “load.”
The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down.
These burdens are like boulders.
They can crush us. We shouldn’t be expected to carry a boulder by ourselves!
It would break our backs.
We need help with the boulders—those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.
In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo,” or “the burden of daily toil.”
This word describes the everyday things we all need to do.
These loads are like knapsacks.
Knapsacks are possible to carry.
We are expected to carry our own.
We are expected to deal with our own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors and all other responsibilities that you have chosen to own in your life.
Problems arise when people act as if their “boulders” are daily loads and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads” are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry.
The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility.
Sources
According to
R. Skip Johnson an author from BPDfamily.com
The following characteristics indicate a problem in setting and enforcing boundaries.
~ Telling all.
~ Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting.
~ Falling in love with a new acquaintance.
~ Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.
~ Being overwhelmed by a person--preoccupied.
~ Acting on the first sexual impulse.
~ Being sexual for partner, not self.
~ Going against personal values or rights to please others.
~ Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
~ Not noticing when someone else displays
inappropriate boundaries.
~ Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want.
~ Touching a person without asking.
~ Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.
~ Letting others describe your reality.
~ Letting others define you.
~ Believing others can anticipate your needs.
~ Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.
~ Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
Each of us has boundaries, some of which go unspoken, in many areas of our lives.
We set boundaries in regard to physical proximity and touch, the words that are acceptable when we are spoken to, honesty, emotional intimacy (such as how much we self-disclose to others).
When one or both people in a relationship have difficulty with boundaries, the relationship suffers.
Lest we stay in pain or become irresponsible, it is very important to determine what “me” is, where my boundary of responsibility is and where someone else’s begins.
In the next post I will share How to Develop Healthy Boundaries
Source
Are you new to STEEM Blockchain world? Read on...
Hello there, if you landed here at STEEMPEAK (one of many steem platform) through my post from other social media, and have no idea what STEEM Blockchain is, let me tell you about STEEM Blockchain in simple and sweet to understand;
- STEEM Blockchain is just like other giant social media platforms out there (Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc) but here in STEEM Blockchain you will get reward by posting your awesome contents.
- You get rewards too when you 'like' other contents.
- There are many cool features on STEEM Blockchain that you can enjoy and get rewards from such as;
- Steemian favorite game steemonsters @splinterlands
- Get a reward by reviewing your favorite restaurants at @tasteem
- Get a reward by being active and healthy on @activefit
- Get a reward by reviewing cool latest technology and innovations on reviewhunt
You can join many other tribes and community created through steem-engine and get tokens from;
@steemleo for investing
@neoxian @palnet @dblog for blogging
@photo for photography
and many others that you can check here at https://steem-engine.com/?p=tokens
You miss your trip to Vegas? Steem has their casino too by @steemslotgames in here
steemslotgames
Your video got banned on youtube? Sorry bout that, steem has @threespeak for you as your new uncensorship video platform
Head on to
https://3speak.online/
Are you a Vlogger and want to get more exposure and get reward in crypto
@dtube get you covered.
Sounds good?
Get started right away on STEEM platform head on to here
https://signup.steemit.com/
You are an Investor and looking for a way to diversify your portfolio?
STEEM is another great choice for your cryptocurrency portfolio because you can see many incredible practical use cases they have implemented and many more project under development that need funds and you can check them here
https://steemproposals.com/proposals
also you can donate to these good cause project by steem users here on
https://fundition.io/#!/explore
More info easy to understand on steem blockhain here,
https://cryptogoodies.com/getting-started-on-steem/
I'm happy to welcome you aboard on STEEM blockchain and lets together make STEEM Blockchain an awesome platform!
Reprogram your mindset with this training on
This practical everyday guide enables you to tap your native intelligence to become high performers with mindset transformation in the here and now.
Be a smart investor and save your time on researching your next best portfolio strategy(because you should focus most of your time on what you doing best) by subscribing to unbias newsletter and report from
This post contain an affiliate links. An affiliate links means I may earn advertising/referral fees if you make a purchase through my link without any extra cost to you. It helps to keep the lights on. Thank you so much for your support!