How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Part VI: It is not possible to win an argument

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Greetings friends of the community of Project Hope.

On this occasion I want to make a short and concise analysis about one of the points that the book deals with on how to win friends and influence the people of Dale Cargengie which is to avoid confrontation when an argument is generated, because if our objective is to get others to think like us then there are certain parameters and skills that we should avoid when it comes to avoiding confrontation in an argument.

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The first important thing to understand that an argument or confrontation is lost is to place ourselves in two possible alternatives:

1] Suppose that we lose the discussion: this is a very adverse scenario, since the discussion that begins with the confrontation, in addition to ending in loss, also demoralizes the person who has to end up accepting the defeat. In order not to arrive at these terms we must avoid confrontation at all times, and under this scenario we can see demonstrated that when we start an argument it is already 'for a fact to give up.

2] Let's suppose that we win the argument: this is a quite probable scenario, that is, once we start the confrontation we have the possibility of being right, but in the end we must feel like losers even though we won the argument, since once we have won the argument we will also have destroyed the morale of the other person, and if our objective is to win friends and have a positive influence on others, then under this scenario we will be losing as well.

To understand the meaning and importance of not feeling like a winner in an argument, even if we have won the argument, we need to understand this phrase from Benjamin Franklin:

If you argue, and fight and contradict, sometimes you can achieve a triumph; but it will be an empty triumph, because you will never obtain the good will of the opponent.

This point is important, because perhaps many will think that it is worth arguing to obtain a victory in that confrontation, however it is a banal victory, that is to say an empty victory since we will not obtain a positive receptivity of the other person with whom we had the discussion.

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The book makes reference to the fact that it does not matter in which field the discussion takes place, the case is that it is alleged in the book that in the case that it is the discussion it will not favor in any field, next I present you the textual citation that confirms it:

What would you rather have: a victory in academics, in theater, or the good will of a man? Very rarely will you get both.

At this point I think we need to analyze many contexts, although it is true that many of us stand up well to avoid a discussion, I think there are areas of life that require a healthy discussion, for example: Can you imagine being a teacher, and accept a wrong answer as ideal for the simple fact of avoiding a confrontation?

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I certainly believe that avoiding confrontation does not apply to all cases, because there are things that by nature imply confrontation, but of course in personal relationships, making friends and having a positive influence on people it would be best to avoid confrontation.

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To conclude this analysis, I would like to say that in the context of making friends and having a positive influence on people, it is best to avoid a confrontation. However, each individual experience will bear fruit and unleash an ideal environment where everyone knows what is best for them and nothing is written in stone to be followed as if it were a recipe.

I conclude with the following quote:

Hate is never defeated by hate but by love," and a misunderstanding is never ended by discussion but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sincere desire to appreciate the point of view of others.

Buda

If an argument ends up breaking out in a misunderstanding that stands up to discord and hate then it is an argument that does not come to anything good, so using other means of effective communication where love and empathy prevail end up being the elements that prevail in an environment where you want to win friends and have a positive influence on other people.

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Discussion is important, quarreling, is poisonous

  • many people isn't familiar with the art of constructive discussions and critic.
    Imho.
    But discussions are important, a base of democracy and progress, human collaboration.
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Your point is very important, because you have to know how to differentiate between a fight and a discussion, a discussion is very necessary for that exchange of divergences of opinion that strengthens a democratic system. Greetings and thank you for commenting.

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(Edited)

There is something wrong with the pictures in this post.
In all posts at the moment

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Hello friend, a great book, I really think that the best thing is not to give yourself a bad life for others, we do not all think the same and it is logical to have differences, but our mental health is much more important!

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Certainly our health comes first, so having a well being between interpersonal relationships is the best, greetings and thank you for commenting @franyeligonzalez.

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@carlos84 It is true, the sensible thing is not to initiate a discussion, because to begin it after a few minutes and when the moments of lucidity and calm arrive we realize that the best thing is to surrender, certainly neither to leave victorious nor loser, because the important thing is to cultivate the friendship.

Thank you for this thoughtful entry, blessings to you and yours Professor Carlos.

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Thank you for your accurate and precise opinion, which helps to complement and strengthen even more what is expressed in this publication, greetings my dear teacher @lupafilotaxia.

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