I remember it so vividly dare I say like it was yesterday?? Yeah, I would so that to be true. I was 9 yrs old and in the 3rd grade at Farragut Elementary School in East Tennessee around 1976. Just a young innocent whippersnapper and a "normal" kid who loved baseball and apple pie ( ughh, okay I know you can do without the corny adage lol)

My First Random, Intrusive Thoughts Among Many...

As a 9 yr old boy, I had many adventures with my next door neighbor who was one year older than me. His name was Scott. He was a real hoot and a good all around kid.

One day we were playing basketball out in the drive way and he said something that resonated with me and ultimately it would be the "trigger" to many Obsessive Thoughts and Compulsions that still occur today.

He Made the Statement...

"I will make this shot or I hope to die". This was kind of a statement kids would say back then to give a certain amount of importance to something that in actuality was not really that important. Well, he did make the shot but for some reason that "I hope to die" part started playing in my mind the rest of the afternoon and throughout the night.

I Could NOT...

get it out of my mind. And quietly in my head I begin to come up with scenarios of "I hope to die " if I do this or that. Well for some reason I said to myself ( i don't know why up to this day) "I hope to die" if my friend Scott was sick and stayed home from school the following day.

Well Sure Enough...

I woke up the next morning and my mother walked into my room. She proceeded to tell me that Scott's mom called and said Scott was sick and was staying home from school.

I was Petrified...

You have to remember I was only 9. And all the sudden the Thought I had about dying and Scott being sick was going to come true. Or so I thought. I actually felt nauseated over this notion and told my Mother I would stay home because I was sick too. I dare not tell her why I was sick.

My Mom...

had to go to work til 2 or so as she worked at a day care center. So let the bedlam begin...for about 8 hours straight I literally went through the house jumping over laid out blankets and chairs and tables as I was saying to myself if I do not touch the blanket I will NOT die. Or if I touched that chair three times I would NOT die. Or if I skipped 3 times on one leg I would NOT die.

Even at that Age...

I knew this was something that was faulty in my thinking but I still struggled between that and my "distorted' perception that if I did not do these things something actually bad would happen.

So Throughout My Childhood and Teenage Years...

I struggled with having to do rituals. Like walk around my bed for three times and if I did it my parents or brothers would be okay. And nothing bad would happen. Skip three times when I was out on a Run. And many other types of rituals I could go on and on about. It would be exhausting and many times I did not feel like living it was so bothersome. But I kept it all to myself back then and told no one.

The Fact is OCD...

is a bio physical medical condition where mechanisms in the brain ( specifically the caudate nucleus) get caught up in what they call a Brain Loop. And Compulsions and Obsessions occur as a result. And to a degree it's simply uncontrollable. Of course at such a tender young age I had no clue about this.

Certain Medications help with this...

but I used Self Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This step by step Self Therapy has helped me throughout my Life to combat this debilitating disease that has caused such chaos in many peoples' lives throughout the history of Man.

Fortunately...

I do live a somewhat normal Life. And the OCD thoughts where I feel like I have to touch an object a certain amount of times occasionally arise. But they are very manageable and nothing like it was when I was a teenager.

What I want People to Know is This...

Your Brain is a organ just like your heart or pancreas. And it becomes dysfunctional and broken (Neurons misfiring , low dopamine levels , tumors etc...) . But the stigma attached to mental illness is different than other sicknesses like Cancer or Diabetes. We tell people with depression, anxiety, and OCD just to snap out of it. Or "you just need to be more strong willed". But yet we would never say to a person with Cancer of the pancreas to just snap out of it. And your just weak.

Why is the sickness of the Brain treated differently??

Well, the fact is it shouldn't be !!! So next time you come across someone with Clinical Depression or PTSD please understand it is a real illness that these people have to deal with much like heart disease !!

Thank you for taking time to read all this and let's wipe away this stigma of mental illness together,
Robert Andrew