#fastandfurious | The Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival - Day three
Greetings friends, I take on the task of day three, trying to give voice to a feeling:
Although I am going to concentrate on the writing of task two, I cannot miss the impression of reading the text by Hemingway and Donna Tartt.
Hemingway's text made me feel like I was in Paris one day in June. I felt the difference of the mid-morning heat and the placid feeling of doing nothing between the busy locals and the nearby smell of flowers. The image of a Hemingway having a coffee with "the lost generation", in Paris in the 1920s, made me smile.
I saw clearly that the impressions of his posthumous book "Paris was a party" come from there.
Thanks for that text.
Tartt's text made me feel somewhat calustrophobic. It is the confrontation with an unknown environment that is processed through obsessive behaviors, the observation of the inn room, the location of the air currents, the search for the Dutch soul in the paintings. I felt the beauty of her elegant description as that of a subtle sense of fear that is not relieved by the soft carpet or the beautiful curtains.
Task 2 / My exercise:
I can not concentrate on my reading, I choose to change the reading for a television program that does not interest me. The insistent noise of the engine running a few feet from my window makes me uncomfortable in a way that I can't control.
I really have the window closed and the smoke emitted by the appliance cannot enter the house, but I can imagine it clearly, as if I smell it, just by listening to the noise of the engine. I find my phone and send a voice note to my neighbor. I tell him to consider that it is five in the morning and that he disturbs the neighbors' sleep. That he has no right to do that. I see the sign that he has read it. I wait five minutes. I see that he does not respond. Then I take the key ring from the house and I go out.
I could finish this exercise in 42 minutes.
#fastandfurious | The Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival - Day three
Hello @gracielaacevedo,
You made me feel uncomfortable when I read your piece. Bravo. The mood, the sense, as you say, of uncontrollable irritation is conveyed. There is the impression that the person is compulsive.
When you end the piece, the reader wonders (this reader wondered), will this person do something aggressive with the key ring (scratch the car?), or is the person merely driven from the house by uncontrollable irritation. The potential direction for the story is wide open.
I would suggest that you use the word 'I' less. It seems an insurmountable challenge for a writer to give a first-person perspective without using "I' so much, but it is a challenge worth meeting. If you look at the sample paragraphs, as I just did, you will see that "I" is somehow avoided more than it is here.
Very good job, though. Very well done.
Greetings, @agmoore ! Oh! I think my intention of accentuating the pronouns is so that the translator makes less mistakes. I forgot that maybe it is not so necessary with the first person singular. That's a product of my insecurity with the language.
I will be more attentive.
When you finish the piece, the reader wonders (this reader wondered), will this person do something aggressive with the keychain (scratch the car?), OR does the person just get thrown out of the house out of uncontrollable irritation.
I got so into the character's rage that I had her take the key fob to open her own door and leave the house. The rage didn't go so far as to do something aggressive, she would just complain to the neighbor ... As you say; then we do not know what happened ...
Hello @gracielaacevedo,
I understand completely the difficulty with pronouns. One of the reasons I don't try to write in Spanish (I love the language, and would if I could) is because of the pronoun issue. It seems pronouns pop up everywhere! Lo, la, le se. :)) Very hard for me to get it right.
Your command of the language was excellent here. The pronoun issue is really a non issue in the piece. It was just an idea. The "I's" work well, considering the pronoun challenge :))