Malpractice 101

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"If you have anything incriminating in this hall," the invigilator warned from the front of the examination hall. "I suggest you hand it over now."

No one replied, everyone sat still. Looking at him. He watched us as well for over ten seconds then shrugged.

"Fine." He said, "this paper ends in the next two hours. Begin."

We were taking an examination for the course Electrical Science, EEC 115. It was one of the main courses in Electrical Engineering department, here in The Federal Polytechnic Nekede.

And who else to invigilate this tough course other than Engineer Uche, a lecturer nicknamed God's Eye after a software program in the Fast and Furious movie franchise. He was not one of those lecturers that walked the length and breadth of the hall, looking for defaulters. He simply stood at his favorite spot, there in front of the entire hall, his eyes scanning critically. And from that point, he would fish out any student trying any malpractice.

And typical God's Eye style, once caught he tore the student's answer sheet and sent them out of the hall. That's an automatic F in the course.

This was the man I was going against. I'm not a reading type. I had the time to read and prepare for this exam, but other things took the time. Besides, reading academic books is so boring. I just couldn't see myself cramming laws formulated by people long dead.

So I did what any sane man in my position would have done. Using the course outline we had been given at the beginning of the semester and past questions for two years back. I copied out theorems, laws, formulas, definitions and diagrams onto a sheet of paper. I made my handwriting small so everything could fit into the single sheet. Then I had squeezed it and stepped on it to give it a worn and dirty look. This was for disguise in case I got caught, I would drop it on the floor where it would look like just another piece of paper thrown away.

That had been last night. This morning, on my way out I had folded the paper almost fifteen times and put it in my pocket. And as the exam was about to start, I took it out and slid it underneath the strap of my leather watch, using the buckle to hold it in place.

And now, a mere ten minutes into the exam, Engr. Uche had caught three students already. One of them had written answers on her palms, the other two had smuggled textbooks into the hall. Why would they bring something as cumbersome and bulky as a textbook? Were they thinking at all? Amateurs.

He tore their answer sheets and sent them out.

As an expert in tho sort of thing, I didn't take out my paper immediately. I studied the questions before me and I could see I had all the answers on my paper. So I waited until the exam spirit had settled and Engr. Uche was basking in the euphoria of catching three defaulters.

Exactly thirty minutes later, I stylishly took out my paper. Then unfolding it only a little, I began to copy into my answer sheet. Fifteen minutes into it, I realized Engr. Uche was watching me critically. I held his eye for a few seconds then looked away. Looking away immediately or holding eye contact for too long would have been a red flag.

For about ten minutes, I didn't copy again. To get his attention off me. It worked.

I resumed once more. We were to answer four questions out of six. I was supplying my third answer when I noticed God's Eye watching me again. He was saying nothing, just calmly watching as if waiting for a slip.

"What's this na?" I muttered angrily. Looking around, I realized then that my seatmates were the ones drawing his attention. All of them were busy copying me and they were not trying to be subtle about it.

"Are you guys trying to get me into trouble?" I whispered harshly, it was the least I could do seeing as I couldn't cover my work from them. No student should withhold answers from fellow students, it's like a national code.

"Please, you guys should be careful. That man is watching me."

Time was going, I couldn't waste it anymore waiting to him to focus on someone else. I kept writing down, my seatmates kept copying me. One eye was on my work, the other was on the invigilator. That was why I noticed the moment he began to approach me.

My dumb seatmates have killed me!

His eyes were on me. The illegal sheet of paper was in my hand, if he found it in my possession, things could go very bad for me. I would have let it fall to the floor, but he would have seen it. I didn't know what to do.

"You," he pointed at me. "Get up."

I obeyed. And as I stood, I used the movement to hide my hands as I took the paper and slid it into my back pocket.

He stopped before me.

"You know why I'm here." It was a statement, not a question.

"No sir." I replied anyway.

He ignored me, then began to riffle through my answer sheet.

"We both know you have an illegal paper with you, give it to me now and I won't be too harsh."

I had already seen what he had done to the other students he caught. What could possibly be harsher than that?

"Sir, I don't have anything." I told him, my voice sounded calm but my heart was racing like a mad horse.

Next, he proceeded to search my pockets and wallet. I felt his hands dig into the front pockets of my trousers. Then his hand went to my back pockets.

I held my breath...

He came up empty. Just as I had expected. My seatmates had proven useful. When I had put it in my back pocket, they had simply plucked it out and passed it through the class. If I could guess correctly, the piece of paper would be in the hands of the student in the front row by now.

I didn't smile or laugh to show my small win. My face was expressionless as I kept telling Engr. Uche I had nothing on me.

"Just shut up." He ordered finally, looking unsatisfied. He began to scan the students. I could see him calculating, I could almost see the gears turning in his head. And I didn't like it at all.

"Keep standing." He told me.

He began to walk back to the front of the class, slowly and purposefully. His eyes still scanning. The hall fell quiet, everyone knew something was up. This wasn't his usually type of scanning.

He kept walking, going behind desks and chairs as thought he was following a trail. I began to feel my victory go up in smoke.

He stopped suddenly. He was by the desk that was the second closest to the door.

"Get up." He ordered the boy who obeyed. He was fidgeting, giving off the guilty vibes. Merely looking at him, I felt my victory vanish completely.

Engr. Uche reached out and pulled my paper from his breast pocket.

A collective gasp washed through the hall. How had he known? Even I myself had not known it was that guy. My seat was on the fourteenth row and the guy's on the second and just too far apart. How did this man make the connection?

God's Eye gave the paper back to the boy.

"Give it back to the person who gave it to you." He ordered.

The boy needed no motivation, he turned and gave it to the girl behind him.

"You too." Uche urged her and she gave it to another girl who passed it on to a boy...

And there, before my eyes I saw that paper keep changing hands, retracing the route it had taken earlier. The paper kept coming back, the closer it got, the faster my heart raced. On and on it went, until it rested snugly in my back pocket once more.

"Go on." The invigilator urged me with a smile, "take it out."

I had no choice, I took it out. It was my paper alright. Engr. Uche took it and studied it, then studied the handwriting on my answer sheet. He could see they matched. He had his proof.

"One thing you students seem to forget," he said quietly as he picked my answer sheet. "I was also once a Nigerian student. I know how all this works."

"Please sir..." I began to beg.

"I told you to give it to me, you didn't. Now I will be harsh as I promised."

What was he going to do? Give me Examination malpractice form to fill? Tear my answer sheet? Take me to the board?

"So, tell me something." He walked closer to me, do close I could smell his aftershave. "What punishment do you think you deserve? Something harsher than tearing up these sheets and kicking you out. Tell me."

I looked down at my desk, so this was what I had been reduced to. As the class stared at me, the invigilator stared at me. I could only stare at my desk.

I was at a loss for words.

_{The End.}

_{Thank you for reading}