Engage the Weekend: Free time to think

in THE WEEKEND2 months ago

Activities in the crypto market have had most of my attention and I literally couldn't talk about anything else. I'd forgotten the joy of using this place as my open diary to share my life's activities and just air out a bunch of stuff that has been on my mind.

It's one week into the new year, and a lovely Friday, so I figured I'd engage the weekend. It's the year 2021 but it just feels like all the craziness from last year moved into this year. Lots of crazy things happening around the world but at least we don't have those stringent lockdowns that made me almost lose my mind.


I've been taking time to think and just assimilate things happening around me a lot these days. I try to learn from every situation and of course make improvements whenever I can.

This has also allowed me to think about my wants and needs, put them on a scale and cut out anything unneccessary. Developing a bad habit is a million times easier than dropping one, and so I'm taking the long road to cut out some of my bad habits and top of the list is cutting down on alcohol. I'm still going to indulge from time to time, but it won't be as regular as I use to.

Cutting off items and habits requires conscious effort but I have noticed that when it comes to people, it happens organically, as long as you don't fuss it. That's also been a big feature in my life, as I'm learning to let go of some toxic or unnecessary relationships with people.

Getting closer

Growing up in a large family has its perks and it also has its issues. Yes, there are more people to love and more people that love you but there are also many more personalities to condone and shit ton of baggage that comes with it.

I travelled to Bayelsa for the holiday, and out of my 7 siblings, 6 of them live in the state. I have 5 brothers and two sisters, and all of them are going through different things in life. I give props to my parents for being able to give us the best they could offer and I couldn't ask for more. They always made sure we had the basics and then some; around here, you'd be surprised how much of a big deal that is.

The Divorce

My siblings are all going through some shit, and somehow, I find myself caught up in the middle of it. My eldest brother and the firstborn is going through a divorce that frankly speaking, could have been sorted out if he just dropped his silly pride. Well, that's how I see it from the outside anyway, and you know what they say, only the person wearing the shoe, knows where it hurts.

He's been living alone for a while now and the whole family got on his ass about this divorce. Around here, divorce isn't a simple issue and since marriages are family affairs, the entire family does everything in their control to stop it. In his defence, it was brutal and a tad bit gruelling the way he was treated but tough love is all we know here. He's turned into a grumpy fella in recent times and barely talks to anyone in the family.

During my stay in Bayelsa, I've seen him like two or three times and it was only when he came to play with his two awesome kids that came to spend time with their grandparents in Bayelsa. I really don't know what's going on in his head but I always wish him well and hope things fall in place for him.

The revolving door

Speaking of my nephews, they're these two fun kids that have absorbed a lot of TV. They literally sound like cartoon characters and half the time, I don't understand what they're saying. One is 6 and the other is 4, both filled with energy and quite fun to be with.

When I heard they were coming to spend Christmas, I decided to move out temporarily and stayed with the second oldest in the family. He's single and very ready to mingle. He's 11 years older than I am and surprisingly very active with the ladies. Probably taking a leaf from George Clooney's manual, who knows?

I lived with him for like 5 days until I got fed up of always sleeping on the couch or on the floor because of his activities. I wasn't angry, since it is his house and all but I figured since I hadn't been around for the best part of two years, he'd be a bit lenient with me.

It wasn't all bad, since he had Solar electricity and that enabled me to work on articles and other stuff more but I couldn't stay there. My expectations got the best of me, so I had to go stay with another of my brother afterwards.

The Homely home

This was the first time I ever got to stay with this my brother and it was refreshing for me. After spending the last five days in a house with a revolving door, I liked the relative calm that came from being in a one man, one woman house.

Living with them was mostly fun; I was treated like a guest and the expectations I had finally came to life. I got served breakfast and felt super fancy. They have their thing going on and their "fights" are very entertaining. I noticed how they would "argue" sometimes, but it was never anything serious.

They seemed like best friends, squabbling for silly things like "I hope you'll kill all the bad guys the way Tom Cruise killed all the bad guys in Mission Impossible to save me". It was like comedy for me but I got a glimpse of two people who dropped their pride and are growing together regardless of whatever life throws at them.

They have an understanding and operate as a team. They've been married for almost ten years but I could tell that they're still all over each other. I could also tell that they've become closer to God in the period and they constantly grilled my ass about my lack of religion. I dodged most of their questions and just said amen every time someone says "In Jesus name"

The Marriage

As I said, I've processed a lot of things inwardly lately, just learning from the environment and people that I interact with. That's why I thoroughly enjoyed living with my brother and also living with my parents. Living with my brother gave me insight on how things could be with my own marriage later this year, and living with my parents teaches me daily about longevity.

My parents have been together for 43 years, for better or for worse. That's older than me and just a few years shy of the age of the country. There are things about them that I don't understand, things I don't like and most importantly, things about them that I would like to emulate.

Whatever my impression is of them, they've stayed together through all the tough times together, raising 8 kids and fighting all the challenges life throws at them. They're old now and still living their best life, and to me, they're like a beacon of hope for any marriage in the world. They could write a book about this marriage thing and perhaps that is one reason why my brother's divorce slapped hard.

The Newly Wed

Speaking of marriage, I'm also heading in that path too, as I found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. All my close friends are a tad bit surprised, but excited as well. I use to have a revolving door, so I can understand why its a bit of a shocker for them.

I've been able to pick up bits and pieces of information from everyone I interact with about this marriage thing. I take cues from both working and not so working marriages to figure out how I could make mine work.

Just as my brother says, it is a learning process and despite all the information you've taken from others, nothing prepares you for the curve. I'm open-minded, flexible and capable of handling the changes that will occur in the process.

The first step now is to do the family arrangements; as I said earlier, marriages are a family thing around here and sometimes, it could get drawn out and expensive for no reason. I and @wolfofnostreet have decided that we'd keep it simple, so we'll be doing everything possible to remind them. Next week Saturday, my family will go visit her family to officially state my intent on marrying her. Get this, neither of us will actually say a single word throughout the occasion that day. Traditions, you know?

We'll just sit there, while our family 'spokesman" who barely knows anything about us speak on our behalf. Basically, they'll say a bunch of shit in our native dialect(Ijaw) and then present each other with gifts and stuff. We eat together, shake hands, then the day ends with them presenting me a list of items to buy as dowry or some shit. I'm really not in tune with it and would have rather just gone to a registry but alas, traditions must be upheld or we get excommunicado like John Wick, I wonder how things went down for him.

Oh Well

Anyway, I've been rambling for so long and there's so much more I'd like to talk about. I haven't even talked about my other siblings and all the stuff going on with them but let's just leave some gist for another day. Generally, I'm in a transitional phase and so I have to pool as many resources together as I can. I need to prepare myself for the next phase of life, so I'll need all the cash, knowledge, experience, and peace of mind to process my next step.

Oh well, I hope you have a great weekend and every plan you've made comes to life. Fingers crossed for the future and beyond.

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I had to google a few place names to find out where you lived - Nigeria, right? I hope I'm right. Sounds like you have an amazing family, divorces and other noise aside - it must be nice to have such a big family. When's the wedding? What a positive start to the new year. Of course, I'm not drinking either - It's January, so we often give up at this time. It's good to start the year with a fresh head, especially after the craziness of 2021. I really don't want another lockdown either - it drove me crazy too. I feel like I'm only just recovering!

Family makes you worry and shit but at the end of the day, they're all just wonderful people with their lives. More so because we're a big family.