Bad Grandpa - ice sculpture
Thanks for being adventurous enough to click on a NSFW post. I normally don't like using this tag because I rightly or wrongly feel it reduces exposure but I do think it is good that we have the option in case any impressionable eyes are looking over your shoulder and then it will lead to a whole discussion about biology and where babies come from.
I sometimes get called upon by a guy called Ben Melden who has a company that produces drinking ice cubes to create an ice sculpture for one of his clients. I usually enjoy these little jobs as they are good practice and I get paid pretty well.
This was for the guys from Jackass. You know the ones, they had an MTV show where they got up to lots of high jinks, doing crazy stunts and being quite gross. Well, they were having the Premier of their new film BAD Grandpa in Dublin and they were going to have a party to celebrate. I believe one of the degenerates is married to an Irish girl and so they all wanted to make this a night to remember and I believe they all flew in for the party.
They asked could I make them two Luges. A luge is an ice sculpture that you can pour your drink through and it will cool on its journey. Obviously, they wanted the sculptures to be classy, a woman's breasts and a man's penis, Knowing their humour I wasn't too surprised.
Luckily, they had come to the right place. I like breasts and by all accounts, I have a penis.
Let's be serious for a moment
To get myself warmed up I began with the male sculpture. At least I had a model of this one. Of course, with ice sculpture, you need to make creative decisions as well as technical ones. I had to make some parts out of scale due to the fact that I wanted it to stay up all evening. It was a functioning member with warm liquid flowing through it so I needed to make the Phallus (a technical name for willy) slightly bigger than my model. I made it circumcized for better aiming. My design decisions aways have a practical reason.
The breasts were a bit more difficult for me. With things like this, I prefer to close my eyes a feel my way through, working from memory. but no matter how much I massaged them it was difficult to get them smooth. Luckily, I knew that when exposed to the warmth of the party venue they would melt away to perfection.
The nipples were the hardest part as they needed to be perky enough to stand the test of time and also large enough to allow me to make a channel for the drink to flow through.
I drilled holes through the sculptures trying to create passageways for the drink to run. You would pour the warm liquid from the top and hold your glass at the other end of the orifice. With the breasts, I thought it better to make two luges. Wouldn't want them to create a sticky mess while trying to juggle their drinks. It was a case of a breast of both worlds.
By all accounts, they worked out very well. Although a bit more perverted than my usual work it was a fun little project.
And now for something completely different
In case you need cooling down after all that I decided to stick in this sculpture at the end of this post. Again another luge but for a birthday party for Bens son Niall. He loves sport and what a better way to have a drink than to have it drained through a football boot. I didn't think this deserved its own post but since I made it in 2013 I'll add it here. Three birds, one stone and all that.
Thanks for reading. I use PeakD to document my work as an ephemeral Sculptor of sand, snow and ice, amongst other things. This will hopefully give it a new life on the Hive Blockchain. Below you will find some of my recent posts.
Rescue - sand sculpture
Gift of the gab - sand sculpture
Character building - sand sculpture
I hope you'll join me again soon
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