Are You Alive?

Are You Alive?
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PASSED PORTRAIT I

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I make the call.

Ringgggggggg………

No answer, the call rings out. I wait half an hour. I call again.

Ringggggggggggggggggg………………

No answer, the call rings out again. I wait an hour. I call a third time.

Ringgggggggggggggggggggggggggg………………………

No answer, the call rings out a third time, then cuts off. I wait a couple of hours and call again. Around and around, on that wheel, over and over. It’s been almost two weeks, no contact. This isn’t the first time. I’ve lost count of how many hundred call cycles I’ve gone through in the last year. This time I have not gone to a state of panic. I’m talking myself down from that before it starts. I have zero control over this situation.
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PASSED PORTRAIT II

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Somewhere between ten and a dozen calls each day, every day, hoping she’ll answer the phone. What is it this time? Is the phone unplugged? Is she in the room? Is she so far away in her mind she doesn’t register the phone ring as her phone? Can she reach the phone? Has something happened? Is she still alive? That last question is in my mind all the time. How much longer? When? How will I know? I don’t want another death delivery notice sent via the police at my door two weeks or more, after the fact.
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PASSED PORTRAIT III

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Yesterday was a rough start when I woke up. First thought, make that call. I’m not sure I’m up for it. My back’s been out for three days banging its pain drum. I’m exhausted. I have coffee and give myself a little time. I dither back and forth about calling. Finally, I start the dialing. No answer. Wait. Call again. No answer. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I sigh.

It’s been too long. I don’t like asking anyone for much of anything, even more now than ever before. I think of what she said on a call two months back when I asked her, “What do you want most now?” She answered, “To die quietly and peacefully.” An intense answer that caused me to pause. My mother has always been fearful of death. She’s never spoken such words to me, no matter how hard her struggles. In my silence, I’m thinking of my own situation, of the world situation. Finally, I answer her and say, “That’s what I want too.” I mean it. It’s been in my mind for almost two years. I’m so much younger than she is, too young to be so weary of performing on the world stage.
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PASSED PORTRAIT IV

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Yesterday, I gave in. I called the hospital directly. I’m loathe to call them considering the barrage from media about how overwhelmed the hospitals are. I don’t want to burden them with my personal quest but concern for my mother outweighs that. My call is transferred to a floor my mother is no longer on. A very happy nurse asks me what room my mother is on. I tell her. She tells me my mother was on their floor but has been moved to another. She comments that it must have been months since I’ve spoken to my mother if I don’t know that. Ouch. I wince at the insensitivity and inaccuracy of that statement.
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PASSED PORTRAIT V

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I remind myself that she doesn’t know me and doesn’t know my family situation. I gently correct her assumption, informing her that I call every week to check on my mother, often more than once a week. I tell her no one is calling or visiting my mother. The nurse tells me my mother has been moved to a room with no phone and that I need to call the phone company to set up a new number. Now I have to talk about things I’d rather not digress into. Great.
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PASSED PORTRAIT VI

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I tell her that my brother has complete control over my mother, that he is both power of attorney and executor, and that the rest of the family has been completely shut out. I let her know that my brother doesn’t care about my mother. His concern has always been the family assets (his long game, as he alluded to years ago over email). I explain what happened when my father died, how I was informed two weeks after the fact by a police sergeant. The nurse informs me that my brother has not called to check in on my mother, confirming what I already know. He doesn’t give a crap. He’s waiting for her to die, the sooner the better in his mind.
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PASSED PORTRAIT VII

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The nurse slows down. She’s hearing me. She’s not dismissing me or what I’m saying. I tell her I’m two provinces away and barred from entering that province due to government restrictions (forget entering the hospital). She tells me the patients are locked in their rooms, not allowed to leave them. I tell her that I know I will never see my mother again and this is all we have left, phone calls, before she dies.

I’m told I will need to speak to the charge nurse, who isn’t in on weekends. She gives me the direct number and the hours to call. I ask her to please tell my mother that I called, that I love her, that I'm thinking of her. I thank the nurse and hang up. Such happy hospital staff in a time of crisis??? I had to speak to several of them yesterday. They sound like they are having a dance party there, not busy at all. Weird.
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PASSED PORTRAIT VIII

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Ten minutes after I hang up, I am sobbing. I am completely helpless in this situation. Grief smashes in at the thought of my mother, cut off from everyone, alone, locked in a hospital room, more than half gone to dementia, dying slowly in isolation. I think of all the people in the world who are suffering in similar circumstances. My heart breaks. I can’t focus. I feel a little crazy. I distract myself and move my mind into a creative project I’ve been working on. I can’t spend the day drowning in grief and losing my sanity.
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PASSED PORTRAIT IX

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Monday morning, I wake up. I don’t want to wake. There’s only so long I can escape the nightmare using sleep. My mind immediately goes to, call the charge nurse, get moving. How I feel is irrelevant. I get half a coffee down for fortification. Two hours and three phone calls later, I finally reach the charge nurse. Three happy nurses again. I want whatever drugs they seem to be on, or do I?

She tells me she can’t give me any information. I’m not on the list. What list? There’s only one person that information can be released to, my brother. She confirms this. I’m shut out. A four year repeat experience, despite the involvement of a lawyer to address the situation. Psychopaths like my brother operate with zero concern as to the carnage they cause, as long as they get what they want.
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PASSED PORTRAIT X

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Running on repeat, recycling the information, I explain my family situation to her. I dislike having to disclose it again. I’m always waiting for people to challenge me, to not believe me, to dismiss what I say. How could they know? They have never walked a day in my shoes. They can’t imagine. They can’t relate. I’m glad they can’t relate. I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer through what I have as a child.

Nothing much can be done. The charge nurse is kind. She listens. I speak respectfully to her, acknowledging the limitations she is bound by because of her contractual obligations. She tells me that no one can inform me if my mother dies, they can only contact my brother. I know where that will go. I plead with her, expanding into what happened when my father died.
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PASSED PORTRAIT XI

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She compromises. She asks for my phone number. I tell her I can’t give her that because of my brother. I explain what he will do to me if he obtains that information. It all sounds crazy to me as I lay it out. He’s stalked my friends, their extended family, and my employers, harassing them about me, my whereabouts; attempting to obtain information he can to use to torture me with. This is the reality of my life. It’s my normal. It’s only when I have to explain it to others that I see how insane it is, living this way for decades to protect myself and those connected to me.

After a long enough conversation, the charge nurse confirms my full name and takes my email address. She’s going to speak to my mother and ask her for consent for me to be added to “the list of one”. She advises me that if my mother agrees, they cannot communicate this over email. I ask her if a simple email can be sent asking for me to contact the hospital. She agrees. Anything is better than hearing long after the fact from the police and being doubly traumatized a second time.
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PASSED PORTRAIT_XII

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I’m not holding onto the hope rope here. There’s no point. Whatever bread crumbs I get will have to be swallowed, like it or not. At least I’ve done everything in my ability to maintain a connection with my mother, keeping those calls going.

More calls tomorrow to check for an update. I can’t wait. Maybe it will get sorted so that I can be informed when my mother dies. Maybe my brother will call the hospital at some point and set up a new phone number for my mother. Maybe he won’t. Maybe my call two weeks ago is the last time I’ll ever speak to her. I think that every time I call. I’m preparing myself for the inevitable. It’s what must be done.
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PASSED PORTRAIT XIII

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All photos taken by Nine with a Pentax digital 35mm camera and 90mm Tamron macro lens.
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Out of words, words are pointless at this point.
But I need to say that I love you, Nine. I know it doesn't help. Just a memento is all.

...!discovery 40...

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I know where you're coming from. Love always helps. Thank you @stayten, I always appreciate your support!

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I am in tears. I don't know if this is fact or fiction but it has really struck a chord with me because my mother is also trapped within the four walls of a hospital ward. Cut off from her family because of Covid, Dementia and the lack of information provided by the busy hospital.
I have not been able to write about it or all the other shit that is going on in my life but knowing that others are going through similar heart-wrenching experiences gives me some sort of strange solace. I am not alone in my grief.
Your writing and imagery are amazing.
Thank you

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I wish this was fiction @ammonite, but it's not. This is my reality. I couldn't help but go into thinking about everyone else who is in this situation yesterday. That makes the grief I'm experiencing savage, since I know I am not alone. My heart goes out to you. I hear your anguish.

I have not been able to write about it or all the other shit that is going on in my life but knowing that others are going through similar heart-wrenching experiences gives me some sort of strange solace. I am not alone in my grief.

Maybe if you write about it, it will help to release some of what you're experiencing. I've been holding back on writing about this, but yesterday broke that. You are most definitely not alone.

Thank you for wonderful comment. I'm so glad to know that this reached someone else who is also struggling. I would never have known if you hadn't shared what you're going through here. I think many people are holding in so much, forcing a brave face, everything is okay, etc. I just can't do that. I can't fake my way and pretend it's all pink fluffy roses.

Again, my heart goes out to you. 💖

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Jesus. I remember the other piece you wrote that went into the dynamic with your brother (something about death delivered by police) but this one is way more intense. He sounds like a piece of shit. The kind of shit person who is so shit that they end up making a movie about them. What a mess. Here let me buy you a !BEER

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Yes, that's the post. This is a fresh reminder experience as of this week.

He sounds like a piece of shit. The kind of shit person who is so shit that they end up making a movie about them.

Think of someone with zero empathy, highly intelligent, highly cunning, skilled at a spectrum of torture (mind, body, soul) and killing, with sadistic torture, power, and murder as their primary drive in life. No, I don't want to know where the bodies are buried. I just know he's killed since he did his best to take me out as a child.

Update today, no go to be put on the contact list if my mother dies. Nurse said she could not get a coherent confirmation out of her. Today I decided that I have to let go of her so she can depart the body. If I wasn't sure on that choice, I was reminded in the kindest way this afternoon.

Thanks @brandt, I really appreciate you reading. Thanks for the beer also.

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no go to be put on the contact list if my mother dies

Well crap. Very sorry to hear.

I hope you have hidden yourself well from that madman.

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(Edited)

Thanks @brandt. I'll have to process it first and then let go.

The madman knows my address (thanks mom). I really need to face the last bit of fear around him, and let that go. He has, for a while now used my love for my parents to hurt me. If I let go of my mother now, that removes the remaining tie.

See why I always have presents for visitors at the ready? 😉(sarcastic laugh)

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See why I always have presents for visitors at the ready?

I get it now.

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😂 I couldn't help myself. I knew that would put it all into context.

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Oh man. This sucks. This is fucked. I hope the hope rope brings good things. I'm holding on to it with you. Let me know if you get news. Let me know if there's anything I can do (what that would be, I don't know, but, you know what I mean).
Am I allowed to mail her a prepaid cell phone???

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It is all of those things. I'm out of luck on this one, confirmed yesterday. Even if my brother sets up a new phone, I came to the decision that it's time for me to let her go completely now. They have her locked in her room, as they have done with all the patients. I don't expect she will last long this way. There's nothing I can do about any of it. I don't know if they would allow her to have a cell phone. She is at the point where she doesn't think her phone is hers when it's ringing and she's mostly bed-ridden from what little information I was able to get before the nurse completely shut me out.

Once I process and let go it will shift. That and I'm never answering my door again unless I'm expecting someone. I'm anticipating he'll send the police to notify me again. This time I'm aware at least and won't respond to that.

Thanks @corvidae, I appreciate you coming by with your kindness and support. 💖

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Feel free to process with me if you need. Such a lonely way to go. I hope she has little awareness of her situation, and that she passes peacefully. I have no doubt that she will connect with you when she does.

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Thank you, I mean, really, thank you because I know you get it. It is a lonely way to go, something I've never liked seeing anyone experience. She is quite checked out a lot, seems to be accepting of that and only thing that bothered her much was not remembering things and other patients sometimes. Thanks for your kindness in what you've said. I really appreciate that right now. I think you're right.

Thank you 💖

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💗❤️💛💚💙💜🖤
I hope I get it. I don't really know if I do but I try. I don't have much or any of a relationship with my own mother so reading about the love and helplessness is, although extremely heartbreaking, also beautiful. She's lucky to have you, even if she can't be with you. In her lucid moments she must know this.
I hope that makes sense and doesn't come across as shitty.

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It's actually apparent that you get it, or at least from my perspective. There is a beauty as well, you are right. She does know she's lucky to have me, has expressed it so many times. She also knows I really love her. She made sure I knew that over and over again. I did the same. Love given freely without strings is all that matters when it comes down to it.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't come across as shitty.

Totally makes sense and you speak so well, never poopy that I've seen.

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never poopy that I've seen.

Poopy is a wonderful word.
I have to go to work.
:(

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Ugh, work. I like the way poopy sounds.

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Me too. Poopy has a very tangible aspect to it.
I hope your day is being less poopy and maybe magically there is a phone call in the future.

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It does! Makes me think of gettting my fingers right in there.

I had to recover from the show, lol, it was a lot of fun, so yeah, good times! Today, playing with soap, water, corn syrup, aluminum foil, lights, camera, action! I have to wait for things to grow in the fridge. I have to show you these. I tried to shoot them last year but it didn't get cold enough. It has to be the right temperature to freeze them. It might be cold enough this year if I can time it right.

Maybe on the phone call. I'm sitting with it still. Thought about that today.

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Whoa those are awesome!! I enjoyed that video, too, plus its music. I look forward to seeing your next masterpiece.

I hope good things happen for you and your mom.

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I thought you might like those. I found them by accident last year. Masterpiece, LOL! For laughs, I shined one of my studio lights out the window and tried to get shots of the bubbles freezing. Still not cold enough, so experiments only, no masterpieces, but that's how it goes.

I hope good things happen for you and your mom.

Thank you @corvidae, I really appreciate your warm thoughts!

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Wish I could at least try it. We never get that cold, I don't think. Coldest I've felt here was 19 F. But what with climate change and the drastic weather patterns it brings, maybe we'll go subzero next winter. Then we can be bubble buddies.

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You know what? There's always the freezer. I've been fantasizing about that option. The only problem is there seems to be zero space unless I empty it, which I just might. I did get partial freezing last night, but I couldn't get good shots of it. Wind wasn't too bad, but any little breeze when not on the ground disturbs things. I'm sure my neighbours were wondering why a super bright light lit up my balcony (courtyard, everyone watches everyone for entertainment).

Yes, bubble buddies, oh yes. I already have bubble stories (not from childhood, lol). I forgot about those until now. I'll let you know how it works out with using the freezer.

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Yes! Let me know in photos if you can. :)

I don't think my freezer gets cold enough. Or I'm too lazy to clean it.

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Haha, photos to come 😉

Hmmm, I hadn't thought about the freezer being cold enough. I think if there's a sheet of ice underneath it helps, so I think I'll do it that way.

Or I'm too lazy to clean it.

Do I see another post here? 😍

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LOL! Maybe not lazy, I just have a bunch of blocks of ice in there for camping that I plan to use this month. Maybe after that! But I don't have a macro lens. 😕

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😂 I read blocks of ice for camping and my brain couldn't process that for a moment. Probably because it's in winter hibernation mode. Hmmm, yeah, the macro lens is an issue. I keep forgetting that because I've had that lens for so long, old married couple. I wonder if there's an app for cell phones? Maybe something like that. I see so many good shots take with cell phones. I'm rather impressed with the quality.

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old married couple.

😂💙

It's possibly my overpriced iphone 13 (didn't get pro, should have since I was already overspending) can do macro with an app, but on its own it doesn't even get as close as my oldphone 8. I dunno. I would love to do macro shots of Bo if he would let me get that close. Macrow.

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Macrow.

😂😂😂

Hmmm, that's so bizarre about the difference in phones. Probably a telephoto lens would be better for you with Bo Macrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Doesn't look good now, rainy, melty outside. So much for cold weather frozen snow bubbles.

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Maybe you can make friends with a restauranteur and borrow their walk-in freezer.

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OMG, what a splendid idea!!! Thank you. I really need to go comment on your newer posts, LOL, forgive me for run-on conversations. I seem to be guilty of that on Hive regularly. 😂

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Not a thing to be guilty over. Hive Buzz just loves it!

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😂 Apparently so do we.

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🤣

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I just checked out for a few days, so am back now catching up. I have to go read your posts. I'm so behind. As Canadians say...my spelling...I'm soreeeee, since that's how I pronounce it. 😂

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No worries, I hope you've had some improvements to your situation.
Soreeeeee with the fringe on top, as they say in Oklahoma!

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Nothing really happened per say, just needed some time to go in and well, going to admit here, I have been working on about eight new posts at the same time. That's the way I work. Yes, I am crazy. I find that the art, the photos, all take much more time than writing, so those are almost all ready to go for 8 posts, some of which are half-written. LOL. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone.

Ever have those times you go right into what you're creating and the rest of the world disappears? I do that kind of thing.

Soreeeeee with the fringe on top, as they say in Oklahoma!

😂What is this fringe on top thing? I must know.

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Ever have those times you go right into what you're creating and the rest of the world disappears? I do that kind of thing.

I think I've been doing that ever since I got this damn DSLR.

That's cool though. Not a crazy way to work. Having multiple projects going at once can actually give you clarity because you step away from one to work on another and get more of an objective view when you come back.
I'm technically working on a sci-fi novel along with a million other creative projects. I have stepped away to get some objective POV for almost six months, now...

Surrey with the fringe on top isn't that exciting, just from a musical I was obsessed with as a kid. Please do not feel obligated to watch the whole thing or even any of it at all.

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Having multiple projects going at once can actually give you clarity because you step away from one to work on another and get more of an objective view when you come back.

I knew you'd get it! I had the feeling you work in a similar manner. Yes, that objective view, only gained by stepping back.

You're working on a sci-fi novel? So cool! How much have you written so far?

Surrey with the fringe on top isn't that exciting, just from a musical I was obsessed with as a kid.

OMG, I never saw this one but I have watched others and always loved musicals. Thanks for showing me, had to see.

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Of course I get it! That's how you art... isn't it?

I've done two drafts of the novel and started on draft three. But I actually did need the space to get some objective so I can come back and see if it's any good. I find myself missing some of the characters, so maybe that's a good sign. Not sure when I'll be ready to get back to it. It takes place 39 years in the future, so I guess some time before then...

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Of course I get it! That's how you art... isn't it?

😂😂😂 Oh yeah!

Wow! You're on your third draft, that's really down the road to completing. Just the right time to step away so you can get that clearer perspective. You'll know when the time is right, it'll punch right in there intuitively.

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I hope so. I did most of the writing during the beginning of the pandemic. Hours and hours every single day. My first draft suuuuuuuuucked. I'm afraid to go back and find out my third draft suuuuuuuuuucks, too. 😅

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(Edited)

My first draft suuuuuuuuucked.

😂 I can literally hear you saying sucked that way. Oh yeah isn't that a fun thing? Going back, looking at it, thinking that. Maybe tell the inner critic to stfu for a while, take a vacation, then send it packing? 😂

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LOL but no, really. It did suck. For years I mostly wrote poetry, essays, and funny little thingies here and there. I thought I knew how to write, like really write. In some ways I did, but a novel is, as they say, a different story.
At least I can pick out the parts that suck, now. Whether or not I can rewrite them to not suck and to be cohesive with all the other stuff I attempted to un-suck, well...

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Yeah, I know what you're saying, had that experience a lot (all kinds of mediums). I still have that experience.

A novel is a very different story, yes, yes, and yes. The thought of writing something like that literally terrifies me and feels overwhelming.

If you can't rewrite them, you can write a new part in place of them and blend that in with everything else. It's kind of like a drawing/painting, you keep building the picture, altering this part, that part, sometimes completely removing, etc. (this from someone who's sole writing experience are papers for uni, business writing, contracts, legal stuff, LOL, anything else was for my eyes only since it all sucked, totally the truth here).

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That's exactly how I paint. Layers upon layers until I eventually end up with something I like. I don't know why I couldn't apply this to the novel. Thanks!

Sooo..... writing papers for universities, huh? Did you ever write other people's papers? I did that for a couple years. It was maddening, and not just because I was contracting under my ex.

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You're welcome. My brain is entrained in visual mediums, so I'm translating that to writing doing exactly what I described (sharing).

Nope, never wrote other people's papers, it was enough doing my own. No one could pay me enough to go through that torture for them. What a combo, that and contracting under your ex. The papers I liked writing best were always some form of critical analysis, intellectual argument kind of thing.

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Sigh, I never got to do the intellectual arguments, really. Mostly it was just boring old research papers. Interesting thing I learned, though, is that you can write an essay to say anything you want. Selective research.
I took one dude's coursework for him for about six months. He was a real estate agent that wanted some extra letters after his name and had school money from when he was in the military. I got some high praise for him for some of those assignments... But still. Endlessly writing papers is 😤😜😵😰.

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Yes, you can slant it whatever way you want with research. LOL, you did well! I wouldn't have the patience to do it, even now.

Endlessly writing papers is 😤😜😵😰.

Yes, yes, and yes. As I say...UGH. 😂

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Ugh!

I think I only did it because I didn't want to be an employee somewhere. And because I was in a sticky codependent relationship.

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Hmmmm, I've done all kinds of freelance stuff, so I get you there. That lovely type of relationship, yup, done that too. I can easily relate to what and why here, lol.

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Quoth the raven, Never Again!

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Yup, I said that and I've stuck to it!

Totally off topic...I've spent 2 solid days to make a very short mp4 downloadable for an NFT I'm going to mint. You know, that kind of thing where you want to rip your eyes out and figers off trying to get it done.

The honking geese have distracted for two weeks. 😂
note to self, make a post happen tomorrow

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Yes, please! I keep checking your page and all I get are winter lights...

Those geese in traffic, man. Laying on the horn all day.

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Yeah, it's coming, although I got sidetracked tonight. Came up with a symbol design for "nineclaws", so been hard at that the last, um, three hours. It's pretty much done now.

It's a honk, honk, honking good time from what I'm seeing, lol.

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I could go for a honk, honk, honking good time about now.... oy.

I can't wait to see your signature design! And your NFT and posts.

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(Edited)

LOL! I know what kind of honk, honk, honking good time you're talking about, eh! I posted the design here, then had a moment of discomfort and deleted it. Show you later.

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No worries.
Hey, I gotta tell you something really personal. Can't wait for discord. I'll just write it really small so only you can read it.
Boogers. Boogers boogers boogers boogers sloth boogers crow boogers boogers boogers boogers all over a three-week-old post boogers cop boogers trucker boogers boogers boogers boogers.

Shhhhhhhhh.

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That's a lot of b b b b o o o g g g e e e r r r s s s

Shushed like a cold slushy

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Next up on the menu, booger snow cones!

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OMG, it's snowing now, I think that can happen! Bring on them on!

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Super cool looking! @nineclaws 💯🖌🎨

The only tweaks I suggest are to make the ninth claw the same length and width as the other eight and have it "curl" identically. The way it is now it looks like a tail to me.

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👀on you now! I had no idea that people are following and reading long comment threads, but I see this is something I see some doing at times, lol!

Thanks for your comment @ninahaskin, I appreciate your feedback. The intention is for it to be a "tail", so I hit the mark with what I created, thanks!

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No time for long thread reading over here. Everyone's comments on Ecency appear most recent first. I just dropped by to see if and where HiveBuzz notified you about the Valentine's Day 2022 badge I sent since Hivebuzz's long thread kept acting up when I pressed (Reply) to post. At the top of your blog comments I saw your creative artwork and left feedback. Sorry you deleted your cool design, though it's still out there somewhere on the blockchain.

Glad you didn't mind my feedback! You're very artistic and creative! One question. Where is the ninth claw? @nineclaws

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Does your dumb curl identical to your fingers?!

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If you shove all your fingers with nails, one by one, each into it's own box vice, force squeeze it tight as can be, then they all conform to being the same but not at all true to reality.

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I just read this to my @pooky-jax

We are stunned and sitting in silence. A silence that will soon be broken as the TV gets un-paused and life resumes here.

No words from me can change anything. But just know that for the 5 minutes or so that I slowly read this aloud. Both our hearts were breaking.

And... I DO HATE PEOPLE.

Most of them that is...

Because they are SUB HUMAN just like your brother.

I have dealt with this same SUB HUMAN behavior from an older brother. They (my family) are already dead to me. I wish not to be informed of it.

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Thank you @krazzytrukker, I really appreciate you taking the time to leave such a thoughtful caring comment.

And... I DO HATE PEOPLE.

Most of them that is...

😂😂😂

I can see why you and others feel like that, so many different reasons. I do appreciate where you are coming from, especially given what you've shared here. I'd say all of my family is now dead to me, so we're sharing that same boat.

I hadn't thought of the behaviour as sub human, but now that you've said it, I agree with that also.

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Hello Nine

I am so sorry to read this and I can truly sympathize with your situation. People like your brother are more common than we would like to believe, there's one in my family too and I had to choose between my daughter and my family of origin.

The stalking and harassment is their favourite MO to intimidate. It's one of the reasons I completely left social media.

I know that nothing I say can really help right now and I know it is the most difficult position to be in, but many of us are thinking of you and holding you in our thoughts.

A big hug to you, I'm so sorry you are going through this!

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Thank you @andrastia. You also have a psychopath in the family? My heart goes out to you.

From my years of research, supposedly psychopaths are just over one percent of the population. That would be based on those caught though. The true number one can only guess at. From my observations, it's a spectrum which also includes narcissists and sociopaths. There are many kinds of psychopaths, not all kill. My brother is the kind type that kills and falls into the more extreme range on that spectrum.

The stalking and harassment is their favourite MO to intimidate. It's one of the reasons I completely left social media.

It's why I am careful about not identifying myself online and why I've never been on social media before. Being on Hive was very terrifying for the first five months, but I've relaxed quite a bit now.

I know that nothing I say can really help right now and I know it is the most difficult position to be in, but many of us are thinking of you and holding you in our thoughts.

Stopping by to comment and show your support is more than enough. I don't have expectations. I hope that maybe what I write in posts will be of help to someone else in some way. That's the only reason I write about my life in this regard.

Thanks for the hug @andrastia, right back to you. I've been able to see for a while that you have your own challenges and I know you appreciate what it means to have to deal with such things.

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Hello Nine

I am so sorry to read this and I can truly sympathize with your situation. People like your brother are more common than we would like to believe, there's one in my family too and I had to choose between my daughter and my family of origin.

The stalking and harassment is their favourite MO to intimidate. It's one of the reasons I completely left social media.

I know that nothing I say can really help right now and I know it is the most difficult position to be in, but many of us are thinking of you and holding you in our thoughts.

A big hug to you, I'm so sorry you are going through this!

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