Foolproof tips to earn money on HIVE

almost 3 years ago

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So, your best friend's brother-in-law's landlord's high school classmate's ex-girlfriend’s second husband told you about hive and here you are!

But its day 2 and you're still not a whale.

How do you get people to vote your post about making homemade eggs?

As a hive veteran, I'm here to help.

Include a multitude of stickers and banners - The post should be 100 words but sticks and banners make it longer, colorful, and easy to understand by the average toddler.
Learn Spanish - you would be forgiven if you think hive is a Spanish language platform where a bunch of English-speaking weirdos are trying too hard. Spanish will help you broaden your horizon.
Find a sugar whale - There are many whales creeping about in hive, catch one of them in a net of sycophancy and you get a guaranteed income scheme aka autovote.
Join a ~~circle jerk~~ tribe - Find like-minded people who are also looking to make money by making posts about things nobody cares about. Connect with them ask about the weather, abuse politicians, send nudes, whatever helps you.
Money can't buy love - but it can buy upvotes. You're like a politician, you fund your hive power, self-upvote for good health and acquire minions who leave grammatically incorrect comments on your posts.

This blog is a satire. Don't take this or anything too seriously.

@meesterboom this is for you, don't upvote but think of it as the haiku post.

hive-150329 hive satire funny creativecoin ocd india writing palnet

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23 comments

@meesterboom 80

almost 3 years ago

Hahaha, much better than a haiku!!

I was mega annoyed on day two when I still wasn't s whale. Then day 3,4,5... 70 tenteen etc 🤣🤣

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@teknon 69

almost 3 years ago

So, your best friend's brother-in-law's landlord's high school classmate's ex-girlfriend’s second husband told you about hive and here you are!

Hahahahaha! This is funny. Nice tips.

_{Posted via proofofbrain.io}

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@diebitch 68

almost 3 years ago

Glad you like it
!PIZZA

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@pizzabot 58

almost 3 years ago

^Connect

^Trade

@teknon! I sent you a slice of $PIZZA on behalf of @diebitch.

Learn more about $PIZZA Token at hive.pizza _(4/10)

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@yayogerardo -6

almost 3 years ago

Include a multitude of stickers and banners - The post should be 100 words but sticks and banners make it longer, colorful, and easy to understand by the average toddler.

Yea because the majority here have the low attention span of a 5 year old. Very rare nowadays to find a large group of individuals who actually read more than one paragraph a day.

Most would rather watch a cartoon figure in a video talk about the things you have in mind for them. Remember to think about the children and don't pay too much attention that they have adult bodies, They just want to see sparkling posts and vote on them. It makes them feel like they are contributing something real. It doesn't make it so but they feel that it does. Feelers. Those sensations of joy when upvoting a pretty post of a 2 year old drawing level by a grown adult.

"Yay I am helping Hive grow by upvoting pretty posts"

the joys....
(gonna barf)

2.... etc

why bother when a translator is sufficient. just include a translation of your post of as many languages as you can fit. why not? right 5 paragraphs about your day or about your mascot that noone cares about and translate it to 20 different languages. post it. watch the upvotes zoom in... Oh deepl we are in it deep for sure...

Tres ...

Llena el ego de tu favorito ballena. La mayoría son narcisistas y probablemente tu también lo eres. Se lo llevará chido de seguro. Pero no te vote si ya tiene mas de 5htu. Mira los comentarios y vota a esos. sera mas ingresos para ti. Y mirara tu ballena que estas poniendo atención. Leé el contenido y escoje algo de ahí que le interesa mas a este ballena. Algo que realmente se dara cuenta y respondan a tu propio comentario de de uno minuto de leer. Si le caí adentro del ego, es muy probable que lo vote. Puede ser que nada pasa por un tiempo mientras conoces tu ballena. Lavar tu ballena es muy importante. recuerda que nuestros ballenas estan afuera de habitación de agua para hablar contigo. segun...

Four

send nudes? lol really? xD

5

Money can buy love it's called paying a hooker.

politicians are hookers too but they don't like to be called that. Just call them Devs.

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@scholaris.pob 56

almost 3 years ago

Find a sugar whale - There are many whales creeping about in hive, catch one of them in a net of sycophancy and you get a guaranteed income scheme aka autovote.

Sugar whale. Awesome.

_{Posted via proofofbrain.io}

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@catword 51

almost 3 years ago (Edited)

Wow I feel altogether helped and attacked lol kidding about the attack.
Really useful tips though, especially about language.
The basics aren't too hard to learn and there are many browser extensions to translate sections of text or entire pages.

I really needed that extra push about banners and stuff, thanks for that. I was thinking about it again recently while drafting a post and you're absolutely right. Shiny things 🐱

Keep on keeping on 💜

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@diebitch 68

almost 3 years ago

haha secretly glad that you felt jokingly attacked
That's how satire should be taken

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@wesphilbin 66

almost 3 years ago

But its day 2 and you're still not a whale.

So many think it's instant gratification, but it's not. I've been on the Blockchain since June of 2017... No Whale status for me.

That could be because I have Delegated half my HP to help spread positive energy! Or... because I like COD... Anyway, great satirical take on important concepts lol...

SugarWhale