How to fight and resolve conflict in your relationship?

To think that you will live happily ever after and won't disagree or even fight seriously is to believe in fairies.

Because people come from different backgrounds, were raised differently, males and females think differently etc. there will be disagreements and fights.

The ideal is that both people should be emotionally intelligent. What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/basics/emotional-intelligence

If you are emotionally intelligent it will help you greatly with conflict resolution.

So where do we start?

🙂 You must know your own feelings. If you can't identify your own feelings then you won't be able to handle anger or conflict.

😡 Anger is just an emotion. I believe everyone has to right to get angry. But when you get angry there is a wrong way and a right way to act or respond. The wrong way will definitely be to yell at each other and end up in a screaming contest. The right way will be discussed here under.
Physical violence should never be an option or tolerated. If physical violence occurs seek professional help immediately.

🙂 It should not be about winning. If it is about winning then it means that one partner will be the loser. It must solely be about finding a solution to a problem.

😨 Cool-off first If your emotions are out of control you first need a cooling off period. Tell your partner that you need some time out and then do something like taking a walk to calm yourself.

🙂 Make a time and a place to sit together to discuss the problem. Make sure it's a time that suits both partners and both are able to give their full attention. For example a partner that needs to get to work in 15 minutes won't be able to give his or her full attention.

😊 Both should be ready to tackle the issue. When your partner are tired or highly stressed etc. He or she will also not be able to to give his or her cooperation in finding a solution.

😦 Don't interrupt. If you have problems with one partner tending to interrupt the whole time then you need to make a rule. Take any object like a hairbrush for instance and only the person who has the object in hand is allowed to speak. Once you is finished you hand over the object and then that person can speak.

🙄 Each partner should get equal time to state his or her problem, feelings etc. One should not speak all the time.

🥺 Stick to the main issue. Don't start talking about why he goes to the bar after work each day and then end up mentioning all the other things that you are not happy with. This will not help your case. If there are other issues, you can talk about them at another time.

😩 State your problem clearly and honestly. For instance don't say you don't respect me. Rather say I am hurt when you act like this and then it feels if you don't respect me.

🥺 Don't accuse Something we all need to know by now is to not accuse by saying you did this and you did that. If you accuse somebody him or her immediately must go over into defending themselves or their behaviour. Use I messages. I feel hurt when you don't call me when you going to be late. This way of communicating get much better results than accusing.

🥺 Be fair don't hit below the belt.
Everyone has his weaknesses don't use your partner's weaknesses in a fight to hurt him or her. Don't refer to your partner's faults when he or she is trying to discuss a problem with you. If you have other issues with your partner discuss that some other time.

😔 Avoid labelling at all costs. Don't tell your partner he or she is neurotic depressing or what ever other label. Again use I messages and rather say: you seem depressed or unhappy and I want us to talk about it.

😦 Listen and clarify. Listen intently and make sure you understand what your partner is saying. For instance say : Am I hearing correctly that you get anxious when I don't phone you when I am going to be late? If you think your partner don't hear what you saying ask him or her to repeat what he heard the problem is. He may think you are only moaning because he's a little bit late and don't understand that you start to worry if he comes late and you don't know where he is.

🙂 Gain insight and understanding. Get enough information in order to understand the problem better. It should be a process of growth in your relationship. Nobody wants to fight about the same issue over and over. Learn from past mistakes so that you can move forward in your relationship.

😊 Compromise and negotiate.
Once both partners understand the problem a solution must be negotiated. For instance the women is unhappy about her partner spending too much time with friends it won't be reasonable for her to not let let him see his friends at all. So there need to be a negotiation that will maybe come up with a solution like ok I will just see my friends on Monday nights.

🙂 There need to be change. It should be clear what each partner agrees on to what changes is going to be implemented. Set realistic and practical goals.
Like the above example it sets out a clear solution that he will only see his friends on Mondays and not something vague like ok I will spend more time with you or I will spend less time with my friends.

🥰 Reach out Once you resolve the conflict reach out immediately. Just reach out and give each other a hug or kiss and make up. Physical touch breach the distance between you and will bring you close again.

😥 If you find there is a problem that the two of you cannot resolve go see a counselor. Sometimes you need an objective person to help you find a solution. Don't wait till the problem escalates out of control. Your relationship or marriage is worth it.

Source: https://www.foryourmarriage.org/25-ways-to-fight-fair/
Pictures: freepik.com

Thank you for reading.

hope777