The original X-Com (released in 1994 by the famed Gollop brothers) was one of first true gaming loves and it defined my taste for hard-core tactical/strategic gaming. The sort of game where you just struggle and every little victory is hard fought and earned over the losses of your foot soldiers... all in the name of scratching that little tiny bit of ground that might make a difference in the strategic long game.

X-COM has since been rebooted by the equally legendary Firaxis (named XCOM, no '-') and these games are definitely a worthy successor to the original game vision. However, it is interesting that over 25 years after the first release of the original X-COM, there still exist mods that completely change up the entire base game!

X-Piratez is one of these last still standing mods, and it is a complete overhaul of the original game. The game overlays huge changes to the basic game, making an already punishing game much more difficult... in a different sort of narrative universe and with the emphasis more on akin to a "survival" simulator where you are leading a band of busty space pirates on a ravaged Earth.

The Setup

X-Piratez has a GREAT core idea for the game in that you are leading a ratty band of space pirates on the Earth about 600 years in the future. You are navigating your way between the various factions that dominate the devastated planet after escaping from captivity. This is really the sort of game that appeals to me, the open-endedness of just striving to survive in a niche between much more powerful adversaries, intercepting shipments and plundering the loot.

... where it gets a touch weird and embarrassing is that your forces are half nude, huge busted nymphomaniacs and dominatrices that have seemingly come to life from a teenage boy's wet dream. This picture above is one of the more "friendly" depictions of women in the game. It is a bit cringy to play... I really wish there was a better narrative universe that they could have set up the base game in!

The Game

The game starts in the same manner as every other X-COM (and XCOM) game in existence in that you need to start by setting up your base. It is from here, you start to notice the very amusing pirate humour that pervades the entire mod! I loved the over-the-top pirate theming much more than the "boob" focus of the rest of the game.

For those who have played the original XCOM and that haven't fallen prey to senility and dementia, the whole game is a blast from the past. The basic mechanics of the UFOscape (Planet View) and the Tactical battle space is exactly the same as before. Unfortunately, this means that the UI and annoying "features" of the 25 year old game (which were decent for the time..) are replicated EXACTLY in this mod.

These annoyances are most prevalent in the tactical space, where the streamlining of UI that has occurred in the intervening few decades is sorely missed. The UI is cluttered, the information is obscure and mis-clicks on the mouse make for disasters in the game!... and let's not even talk about the old irritating game of "find the last enemy on the map"!

What you will notice is that there is a complete change in the sprites to represent the various factions in the game. The aliens are gone, to be replaced by merchants, mercenaries and the Academy... meanwhile, your X-COM troops are now replaced by "ladies" dressed as if they belonged in a strip bar.. all in stunning ultra-LOW resolution!

You will find that the research and engineering trees now offer quite different paths for developing your motley crew. Not only the technical and research elements, but also ways of interacting with the remnant population of the Earth. In some ways, they have really recreated the strategic layer from Long War (XCOM mod) or War of the Chosen (XCOM expansion)... it really is quite impressive!

I found that reading about the new world was the most interesting part of the experience. The UFOpedia has been replaced with the BOOTYpedia. In this "book", you will find all the fleshing out of the narrative universe that you are plundering with your busty pirates. Despite my aversion to the "boob"-centric pirate crew, the developers of the mod have really done well to create a believable universe for the space pirates to exist in!

Visuals and Performance

The game looks like a game that was made in the '90s! It is horrendously low in resolution and effects as PC machines of that era didn't have that much grunt. On a modern computer, the stretched textures (if you play full screen) are pretty awful to look at.... but they do look better if they are played in a window (which would be about 1/4 of your screen real estate!). However, visuals were never really the killer point of X-COM games... much of it was in your mind as you played out the life-and-death tactical scenarios with your beloved troopers!

The plus of having such old software (when it isn't affected by a problem with multi-core setups and processors that are WAAAAYYYYYY too fast for the game...), is that if you have a computer that was built in the last 25 years, you will be able to run the game. Hell, most phones would be overkill for this game and mod if only they did a port of the game!

Conclusion

So, I spent a little bit of time with the total conversion mod of the original X-COM... and despite my personal aversion to the boob-heavy pirates, I did really enjoy the base idea for the game. Playing as an outclassed and outgunned pirate crew, plundering and looting across the Earth and escaping with your ill-gotten gains is just awesome fun and a great idea for an open ended sandbox game.

However, the annoyances of a 25 year old UI that hasn't been updated to account for modern tastes in UI design was just TOO much to bear. Xenonauts (a modern X-COM fan remake) fell into a similar trap, and in the end, a game just isn't fun if you are struggling with the controls and UI that much.

I really hope that the developers find the time and effort to port the idea of Space Pirates to the more modern Firaxis base game... I would definitely be interested in that game!

...preferably without the boob focus!

Review Specs

DELL XPS15 (9560)

CPU: i7-7700HQ
RAM: 16 GB
Storage: SSD
GPU: Nvidia GTX 1050

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